


Speak To Me

by DevilishxAngel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark Days, Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Music, New class, Old Friends, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Patronus, Pranks, Secrets, Slow Burn, Teacher/Student Bonding, Voice of an Angel, escaping the past, hidden identities, new start, teacher's POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2020-10-25 14:04:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 65,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20725418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilishxAngel/pseuds/DevilishxAngel
Summary: A Slytherin student who lost her mother and fears her father and the plans he has for her, gets help escaping after graduation. After years on the run, she finally found a place that felt safe. Her simple quiet life got interrupted when she’s asked to come back. With her new name and a change of appearance she returns to Hogwarts as a teacher. Forced to face people from her past, she hopes her secret will be safe. She gets a second change to form a friendship with someone from her past, now that they’re both adults will they open up to each other? Or will they keep their masks on, hiding who they truly are.





	1. After All This Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xMidnightDawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xMidnightDawn/gifts).

> A/N: I do not own any characters or the storyline from the Harry Potter Universe. Nor do I own the pictures that I use ( They just show how I see things in my head. I also don't own any music/songs I use throughout the story. The songs I use, may not exist in the actual timeline of the Harry Potter main storyline, but they simply fit perfectly in the situation.
> 
> I do own the characters I added and the storyline changes I made.
> 
> A special thanks goes out to a dear friend of mine. For helping me with grammar (I’m Dutch) and for being my proofreader. This story couldn’t exist without her.

I stepped out of the small grocery store, in one hand my umbrella and the other a bag filled with fresh ingredients for my dinner. The water poured down the edges of the rooftops and streamed like a small brook along the sidewalk. There were a few people waiting for a bus or trying to get a cab. The bus was no use for me since there was no stop near my house and with the time I would lose trying to get a cab I could be halfway home. Besides, the rain never bothered me that much. 

I took one of the shortcuts towards my house that led me through the more quiet streets in the village. I came across maybe three other people walking in the pouring rain and I could count the cars that passed me on one hand. I loved the serenity that was surrounding me, the sounds of my heels hitting the cobblestone street and the rain hitting my umbrella was all I heard. I immediately had fallen in love with this place when I first arrived here five years ago. At first I hadn’t intended on staying, but seeing how many years had passed without any confrontation from my past I finally felt safe enough to settle down.

I was registered at the Japanese Ministry of Magic under the name I had taken after I fled Hogwarts after graduating early and I had shown I was no threat to the Wizarding Code. I used magic every now and then in my own home, but never outside. I didn’t mind living like a muggle since that way the possibility of being discovered was minuscule. I worked at a small library, the pay wasn’t great, but it was enough to live comfortably in my small traditional home. 

I turned the last corner and I saw my home in the distant. A small smile formed on my face, longing to let my body fall on the couch and enjoy a cup of tea before starting dinner. As I closed in I started to notice someone standing on my porch. I recognized him immediately and a small pit formed in my stomach fearing why that man was here. This was the first time he visited me in ten years and I feared he was here to claim the debt. I walked up to my porch and made brief eye contact with the elderly man. 

After I folded my umbrella and opened my door I turned towards him.  
“I would appreciate it if you leave your shoes at the door” I spoke softly before stepping inside myself. I dropped my umbrella in the bin and took of my shoes. With a snap of my fingers my clothes dried and I stepped into my slippers. I heard the man entering behind me, but I just couldn’t turn around and face him.  
“The living room is over there, I’ll make some tea” I said pointing towards my left before walking towards the kitchen.

I felt my hands starting to tremble as I was preparing tea. What could he want from me after all those years? I know I promised I would repay him for helping me escape and possibly save my life, but still this was one of those days I feared for a long time. That maybe even more than my true identity being discovered. I started to put away my groceries while all these thoughts were dominating my mind. I grabbed a tray along with my tea set while I waited for the water to boil. I took the pin out of my hair and let the long blue and purple locks cascade over my shoulder before letting out a sigh. The tea was ready and I knew I had to face him.

I finally had my tremble under control as I walked towards the living room with the tray. I saw him sitting down at my kotatsu and after putting the tray down I sat down across from him.  
“I see you dyed your hair. Your mother’s favorite colors correct?” I choose not to answer his question and just poured him a cup of the hot liquid.  
“It pleases me to see your life in the shadows haven’t tempered with your innocence. You even managed to get a pretty good life for yourself” He continued. I took the cup in my hands and looked at its content.  
“Don’t…” I muttered before looking at the man.  
“I know you’re not here for small chitchat. So tell me, why are you really here, Professor” A small smirk appeared on his face for a brief moment before looking over the rim of his glasses towards me. 

“It’s time, Miss Hallewel” I felt relieved he chose to call me by my new name, a little unsettled on how he knew it. But then again, the man always seemed to know everything about everyone. My hands started to tremble again and I placed the cup back on the table. I tried to find the words, but they just wouldn’t leave my lips. So we just sat there in silence while he drank his tea.  
“I can’t” I said softly and scared. It was now Dumbledore’s turn to put the cup back on the table, which was empty now. I picked up the pot and refilled his cup, while still trying to steady my hands again.

“I have made arrangements. Hogwarts is introducing a new class this year, with you as its teacher. Professor Humphry could also use your assistance in his music class.” My head started spinning as I realized refusing wasn’t an option this time. I felt my eyes burning; feeling everything I had worked for the last years was slipping out of my hands. The home I build in this beautiful country that felt as the first safe place after a long time of running and hiding. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and I looked back up towards the man. 

“One condition…” I said as I felt one tear slip over my cheek.  
“My true identity stays a secret” And he just nodded.  
“I would like to welcome you back to the castle in two weeks. So you have time to make some arrangements of your own and settle things here” I just nodded in return, before turning my attention towards my cup. I heard him drink his second cup and standing up from his seat.  
“Thank you for the tea, I look forward to seeing you back again”.

I heard him leave my home and I just sat there, feeling frozen in my seat. All the appetite I had was gone and I just felt a wave of sadness coming over me. Deep down I knew this life I created for myself wouldn’t last, but I had hoped to enjoy it a little longer than this. Questions also started to float around in my head. Like why would he need me as a Professor at Hogwarts after ten years? Voldemort was gone, the war was over and they had won. What threat could be lurking at the wizarding world that he needed me for?

I guess I would find that out at Hogwarts, but knowing the complexity of its headmaster, it could take a lot of time before I really found out. Nevertheless, Hogwarts contained the answers right now. The thought of running again did cross my mind, but that attempt would be in vain. I knew the man that helped me escape my faith would always have a way to find me. I sighed before drinking my tea that was lukewarm by now. I got up and decided to start the arrangements. Realizing that I had no choice than to go back to where I came from. 

The two weeks had passed way too fast for me and I already missed my home back in Japan. I stood there at the edge of the Hogwarts property clutching my suitcase in my hand. The rest of my stuff was already at the castle and I was carrying the last of my belongings that fitted in one case. I was getting curious though if the school had changed much since I’ve been a student there. It has been ten full years, so I was pretty sure some of the Professors would have changed. 

I started the final walk towards my new home for as long as Dumbledore wanted me to be here. I just hoped that after I had done what he wanted me to do, I could return to the small village and live my calm and peaceful life. I know I could just have apparated at the doorstep since the protection for that spell on the property itself wouldn´t be up until the students arrived, but I kind of needed this walk. I guess I wanted to delay my arrival as long as possible. My heels crunched on the gravel path that led up to the castle and my suitcase felt heavier with every step I took. 

Dumbledore had told me that the rest of the staff knew I had attended the school, but said I just kept a low profile so he wouldn’t blame anyone if they wouldn’t remember me. It still made me a little nervous though; what if they did recognized me. Especially since some aspects of my appearance aren’t exactly normal. Sure I dyed my hair, but my eyes still remained the same unique way. I’ve considered concealing them many times on the run, but I just couldn’t change the one feature of my looks that my mother loved the most. 

I reached the main entrance of the Castle faster than I hoped and I just stood there for a second. I placed my suitcase on the ground and turned around. I looked around the grounds and I smiled. This place was as beautiful as ever, it was just as I remembered and loved. I heard the door open behind me and I turned around and saw the first familiar face. Argus Filch, caretaker of Hogwarts, he hasn’t changed a bit. He was still the shriveled old man as he was in my day.

“Miss Hallewel, I presume?” and I nodded as I leaned down to grab my case from the ground, but he beat me to it.  
“I’ll take that, Dumbledore expects everyone in the Great Hall” he muttered and before I could answer he walked away. Still the same old cranky man as always, I thought to myself before setting foot in the castle. This would be the first time I would walk around this place without it being crowded by fellow students, as the term wasn’t starting for another two weeks. 

I took off the hood of my long black robe after a few steps and I looked around. I closed my eyes for a second and inhaled the familiar scent of the old castle. My robe was form fitting around the waist and flared out around my hips. The wide hood cascaded over my shoulders underneath my long pastel colored hair, the sleeves were slightly widened at the end and the robe was closed with a line of small silver buttons. I refused to wear a dress underneath it, but I didn’t wanted to stand out too much. I choose a black halter corset top and a pair of black jeans. I looked down and started to straighten my clothes as a nervous tick, before I found the courage to make my way towards the Great Hall. The high heels of my knee length leather boots echoed through the empty hallway.

It really did feel weird being in the school while it was abandoned during the day, I was used to the silence that filled the corridors at night, but to have it during the day felt totally different. Especially because I was allowed to be here right now and I wouldn’t have to worry about being caught. I saw the doors of the Great Hall getting closer and the nerves got the best of me. I so wasn’t ready for this, but then again I didn’t really have much of a choice and there was no going back now. I stood a couple feet away from the opened door, trying to steady my heartbeat before feeling ready enough to enter.

“Can I help you miss?” I was startled for a second when someone suddenly spoke behind me, but there was something familiar about his voice. I slowly turned around, to face the man that spoke to me. There he was, the boy from my house I had respected and maybe even admired from afar throughout my school years. He was a fully-grown man now, but I could still see the scrawny socially awkward boy from my house. I hadn’t realized I was staring until he scraped his throat.  
“Are you even supposed to be here? The school year doesn’t start for another two weeks.” He sneered while he looked down on me. I opened my mouth to answer, when both of our attentions went towards someone that interrupted us.

“Ah Miss Hallewel, welcome back to Hogwarts” I greeted the headmaster with a small smile.  
“This is the new Professor? Since when do you hire children who tripped head first into paint?” I snapped my head back towards the other man ready to yell at him for his snarky remark, when Dumbledore intervened again.  
“She is only two years younger than you Severus and an extraordinary gifted witch,” Severus just grunted before he passed the headmaster entering the Great Hall. Dumbledore gestured to follow and I did. Internally sighing and wishing I could have a do-over of that encounter.

After a brief word from Dumbledore, introducing me and my new class to the rest of the staff, I talked to everyone there, telling them where I’ve been in the last decade after I graduated. I told them all about my travels, keeping the reason for my many destinations to myself, claiming I was on an adventure to discover more about the wizarding world. I felt like I was a student all over again, faking most of my smiles and telling a more glorified version of my life. It was suffocating me and as soon as the rain of questions died out I excused myself going to explore the castle. 

As I walked through the hallway, I thought back to the situation in the Great Hall. Everyone wanted to know everything about me, except for one. Severus had kept his distance the whole time. It had bothered me the whole time I was there so it was hard to focus on the explanation of how things worked at Hogwarts the rest of the faculty was talking about. I tried to push everything out of my too crowded mind while I was strolling through the place I had called home for seven years. It was still as big and astonishing as it was in my memories. It made me wonder if my hiding places where still there, thinking back on the stories about how the castle is always changing. 

I ended my journey through my past in the dungeons, since that is where my office and classroom were located. The cold air that hit my face was one of those delightful familiarities that made me feel like a child again. In the years before I found out what my father had in store for me, I had always wanted to work here. So the little girl inside me was happy that the opportunity was finally there, the adult inside me just wished it was under better circumstances. Back in Japan I used to help children with their homework all the time and the gratification I got from that made the pay worth it. 

I walked closer to the walls and let my fingers glide over the cold stones, closing my eyes for a moment taking in one of my favorite parts of this place. I had always loved the mysteries that engulfed the cold dungeons. The darker sides of the castle always brought some serenity when I felt suffocated faking my way through the forced friendships I made. I always wanted a friendship with Severus, but never had the courage to step up to him somehow. Maybe because he liked to be on his own as well as me and I respected his wishes. 

I did make one real friend though while I was here. It was a more secretive friendship, since we were in rivalry houses. He caught me once sneaking around, trying to prevent his idiotic friends from pulling a prank on Severus. On our next encounter I had caught him sneaking around and that moment I had promised to keep his secret if he kept mine. We met up on a regular base, just hanging out. I really missed him in my last two years after he graduated, I lost my only true friend at this place that day. 

He was one of those individuals I thought about while I was in hiding. Hoping he was okay after the war, hoping he found happiness and peace just like I did the past five years. I stood still in front of my office and I slowly opened it. It was a simple small office and as I looked around I started to envision what I could do to make it my own. After spending a few minutes in the office I wanted to check out my classroom. I cross the hallway and opened the next door. 

It felt enormous, but that could be because it was empty. Dumbledore had told me I had freedom to arrange the classroom whatever way I seemed fit. I went in and stopped in the center of it. Again my mind started to fantasize on how it could look like.  
“Isn’t Martial Magic just a glorified Dueling Club?” I turned around and saw Severus leaning against the doorpost with his arms crossed and that same emotionless look on his face he had since we met a few hours ago.

“I guess Dumbledore felt the need of this glorified Dueling Club. Since it was his idea in the first place” I shot back while a grin started to form on my face and I mimicked his stance. We just stood there for a few silent moments before he broke eye contact by rolling his eyes.  
“I came to inform you that there is food in the Great Hall if you’re hungry” Now that he mentioned it, I started to notice how hungry I was. Before I got a chance to answer him he had walked away. I followed him and noticed in the hallway that he was going in another direction. I stood there confused for a moment, reassuring myself that he wasn’t walking in the direction of the Great Hall.

“Aren’t you hungry?” I yelled after him.  
“I prefer to eat my meals in solitary whenever I can” he answered without looking back. I was a little disappointed, since I wanted to talk to him some more. I closed my classroom behind me and made my way towards the Great Hall. I started the wonder if he really didn’t recognize me at all. I know we weren’t friends, but we saw each other regularly since we were in the same house. Was I really that invisible for him? If I did look even a little familiar to him, he did a great job in hiding that. Or perhaps my identity truly was a secret here and I should be relieved by that.

Still... why did it bother me so much that he didn’t recognize me, even though that was the one condition I had for returning here. I tried to clear my head, as I got closer to my destination, trying to bring up the façade I had to keep up for the time being. There was a possibility I would actually connect with some of my new coworkers, but for now I was satisfied with a wall around me. Falling back in my old ways of protecting myself from harm. I was afraid of being myself for as long as I can remember, growing up protected like a porcelain doll. 

I had been myself with the amount of people that I could count on one hand. My mother was one of them. The pain of losing her still remained deep in my heart and I still missed her every single day. My father was a whole different story, I always felt like I needed to prove myself to him and play the part of the perfect daughter. Too bad the vision he had for me wasn’t what I wanted.

I was lost in my own world for the most part of the dinner, millions of thoughts clouding my mind. Feeling overwhelmed by every emotion and memory that came back to me the moment I sat foot in this place. I tried to involve myself in the conversations the rest of the faculty had, but my mind couldn’t process any of it. I excused myself once again, this time heading towards the teachers dorms. 

It took me a little while to find my own, since this was a part of the school I’ve never been to before. I entered my dorm and looked around after turning on the lights. It was a small cozy room, divided into two areas. A relaxing area with a small couch and a coffee table in front of a fireplace. Towards the back was the sleeping area, a small step and an open arch leading towards a bed. The room was filled with boxes containing my stuff, but I didn’t have the energy to deal with that right now. I walked towards my bed and found my suitcase on a big trunk at the foot of it. 

I looked to the right and saw an open door that led to a small bathroom. I took my toiletries and a long-sleeved nightgown out of my suitcase and went in. It was nice, just a little smaller than the one in my previous home. I placed all my stuff in the right places and looked at myself in the mirror for a moment. I ran my fingers through my hair a couple of times taking out the small braids that were scattered throughout. I brushed my hair quickly before turning on the shower. 

After I had undressed I carefully stepped under the running water, immediately closing my eyes and welcoming the warmth that was running down my body. Letting my thoughts leave my mind while standing under the stream. I took more time then I usually did, but I really needed it. With my wet hair clinging to my nightgown I shuffled towards my bed letting my body fall after I pulled the covers back. With a snap of my fingers the lights went out and I closed my eyes. This day had drained all the energy out of me, but somehow I couldn’t get to that blissful place of sleep. My eyes slowly opened and I stared at the ceiling. 

Young me had envisioned this moment so much better. I just felt out of place here now actually, even though everything felt familiar. I felt like I didn’t belong here and my eyes started to burn. I covered my mouth as I felt the tears running down my face while fear took over my body. The fear of being here... the fear of being discovered. Why did he have to bring me back here? Why couldn’t he just let me be…?


	2. My Last Night In Japan

My fourth day back at Hogwarts and three nights without even a minute of sleep. For the last two days I’ve been keeping to myself mostly. Keeping busy with the decorating of my office and classroom. My personal belongings are still in boxes in my dorm, not ready to fully settle down in this castle just yet. I was only among my colleagues to gather some food before returning to my solitude. I didn’t want them to worry right from the start and I didn’t want to admit that I felt unfit for this position. 

I was thankful for my make-up skills, thanks to those skills I have been able to look a little healthier than I actually was for the brief moments the rest of the faculty saw me. If they had looked at me a second longer they would have noticed my red eyes and the dark circles that were slightly hidden underneath the concealer. The lack of sleep wasn’t intentional, but the moment my head touched the pillow I was wide-awake; fear growing with every sound I heard. Last night I even tried to sleep on the small couch in front of the warmth of the fireplace, but that was just as big a failure as the comfortable bed.

The layout of my classroom was similar to the Charms classroom. My desk in the center of the back wall, desks for the students lined to the sides and in the middle enough room for demonstrations. Since there were no windows in the dungeons the room was lit with multiple candelabra’s in the middle and a few candleholders on the walls behind the seats for the students. My robe was currently half draped over my desk and my boots were on the floor right beside it. The floor was scattered with parchments and books on potions and charms.

I sat in the middle of that chaos; legs crossed and hair pinned up and kept in place with my wand; I hardly ever used my wand anyway. My hands and arms covered in ink while I fiddled with my quill looking over everything that was surrounding me. If the insomnia wasn’t driving me crazy, the creating part of my lesson plan surely would. I’ve read over a few documents about the same class that was thought at Ilvermorny that Dumbledore had acquired for me. The description of their way of teaching was a complete mess and wasn’t helping me at all.

I still had to figure out how to divide the three different years that I was eventually teaching. Dumbledore had given me complete freedom on the subject, with the only condition that only 5th year and up would attend my classes. Seeing as those students would have enough knowledge to master what I was going to teach them. The fact that this was the first year that this class was an option for the students, it kind of felt unfair to expect more from students in their last year compared to the other two since it was their first time too. Therefore I decided that for the 6th and 7th years this would only be an extra-curricular. One thing I knew for sure though, not every student would get to join this course.

I didn’t want or needed students that wouldn’t take this class serious and just thought this was a glorified dueling club, using the words Severus had used. This was going to be a class that combined the knowledge of Potions, Charms and even some aspects from Defense Against the Dark Arts. One jokester during these demonstrations alone could have catastrophic consequences. I wanted students, which were willing to take this class, to make a test first. Seeing if they had the knowledge and responsibility to succeed in here.

The creation of that test though... that was way harder than I expected. The longer I stared at the books and documents that were surrounding me the blurrier the words got. Trying to focus while being awake this long was pretty much impossible, but I needed to occupy my paranoid brain. My mind and guts were still debating where that paranoia came from, since I hadn’t been sleeping well since Dumbledore paid me a visit. How on earth did that man came up with the idea of letting me teach such a complicated course, while I’ve never taught a whole class before in my life.

Sure I had tutored a few kids back in Japan, but that was always one on one and what I helped them with was never dangerous. The worst injury in the library was a paper cut or tripping over your own feet trying to carry too many books at once. Now I was teaching them dangerous spells and usage of potions in duels that could be lethal if handled wrong. I also wondered if I would be able to educate them well enough to prevent accidents. I was a little relieved though, for my other class I would just be assisting professor Humphry with his class. Preparing me for taking over when he would retire, which could take years.

Why didn’t he pair me up with another wizard or witch on this subject? Someone with experience of teaching youngsters the most responsible way to go about this. It wasn’t like I didn’t have any knowledge myself; I mean I’ve been casting spells since my first words. In my travels I also learned so many things about other magical cultures and their dueling secrets. Still, what gave that insufferable cryptic man the slightest idea that I would be suited to educate others about this? I even had a muggle book about teaching among all this mess, wanting to know the different ways to teach things.

My body felt so heavy, as did my eyelids, but I just knew as soon as I laid down I would be wide awake. With trembling hands I clutched my notebook while I tried to write a few things down. Looking at the words I’ve written I hardly recognized my own script. I threw the notebook away and let my quill slip out of my fingers spilling even more ink on my exposed skin and just stared at the chaos. I was going to fail… that’s for sure. Students... Professors, even Dumbledore would laugh like crazy about my efforts. How on earth would I ever pull this off?

“Still talking to your imaginary friends I see” I slowly lifted my head seeing Severus with his arms crossed and cold emotionless facial expression in the doorway.  
“You even sound more depressing and empty-headed then you did eight hours ago” he added in a tone that matched his expression.  
“That bastard set me up for failure...” I muttered before lowering my eyes back to the ground around me. After hearing a grunt from the pale dark clothed man, I heard him closing in on me.

“Where are your plans?” He sighed sounding irritated. I pointed to my left where a pile of crumbled up pieces of my notebook was scattered and the source of those sheets among them. Another sigh came from the man, now standing a few feet away from me. There was a tense silence between us for a few moments and I heard my heart going into overdrive.  
“You have zero structure and I’ve seen trolls with better writing skills than this” He said looking through the damaged notebook.

“I’ve met trolls with better manners” I sneered back. My temper was already influenced by the lack of sleep, my own failure in getting everything in order in time for the new school year to start and I didn’t needed him to point that out to me as well. I rested my heavy head in my hand while I heard him come closer.  
“You insufferable little…” His words suddenly stopped and I looked up seeing him right in front of me, slowly lowering to my level.  
“When was the last time you slept?” His voice going from outraged to a softer, less irritated one. I shrugged before shaking my head and I scoffed.

“My last night in Japan...” I muttered before letting my arm fall down on my lap, letting my head hang on its own.  
“This castle… this place… I don’t remember all these little sounds and noises… I even hear voices... I can’t figure out if they belong to the ghosts or if they are in my own head anymore” I said feeling my eyes water. “If those long and endless nights aren’t driving me insane. Trying to figure this shit out surely will,” I said waving around me. He stood back up again and walked out of the room.

I felt even more defeated right now, I was a lost cause and he knew it. I was about to let my body crash on the floor, when I heard footsteps. I sat completely still for a few seconds when they stopped. I questioned my sanity for a moment before Severus walked back in. He stopped in the same position in front of me before he left.  
“First of all… You should really take better care of your important belongings” He said pointing towards my wand that was tangled up in my hair. I shrugged before pulling it out of my hair, letting the tangled slightly greasy locks fall down over my shoulder.

“I hardly use it anyway,” I muttered before putting my wand back in my leg holster. He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. I waved my hand around a few times while muttered some words. Slowly all the books and papers around me started levitating and fell in to organized piles on my desk behind me. The man in front of me scoffed, rolling his eyes, clearly not impressed.  
“Get your head clear and try again,” he said and I nodded, pushing my heavy body of the ground.

I wobbled towards my desk putting on my boots and robe. When I turned around I was a little startled by the fact of how close Severus was to me right now. He pulled out a vial out of his robe filled with a dark purple liquid.  
“Sleeping draught?” I asked, while I hesitantly accepted it.  
“That should take care of the nights” I looked at the vial for a few seconds.  
“Don’t drink it until you’re in bed and one sip should be enough” He warned me like I was a first year, but I didn’t have the energy to fight him on it.

He turned on his heels making his way out.  
“Thank you, Severus...” I said, making him stop for a second. Without looking back he left me alone again. Placing the breakable vial in the inner pocket of my robe, when suddenly one thing he said came back to mind. Have I really been in here for over eight hours? If that was true I certainly missed dinner, not that I had any appetite. I guess I should be relieved that nobody came looking for me and found me in my messed up state. Sure Severus found me that way, but I hardly believe he would brag about this little encounter.

The walk towards the teacher dorms felt like it went on forever. By the time I reached my door, I felt the fear creeping back up. I stumbled in, knocking over a box of personal books. I sighed looking at the mess I created in this already stuffy room. I dragged my feet towards my bed, pulling out the vial Severus had given me; placing it carefully on my nightstand. On my way to the bathroom I started dropping pieces of clothing and kicking off my boots at the door. Normally I folded them neatly or throwing them in a hamper, but I had absolutely no energy to do that.

I clutched my hands around the edges of the sink for a moment, trying to stabilize myself. I just stood there completely still, gathering the last bit of strength my body had left to clean myself up. After getting the make-up of my face and an attempt to clean the ink stains from my arms and chest, I hesitantly looked at my own reflection. It felt like there was a corpse staring at me, instead of the girl I normally saw and it kind of scared me. I took of my undergarments and slipped into my nightgown that hung at the door.

Walking back towards my bed, it felt like I had too many drinks by the way I was wobbling. I let myself fall on my back, not even bothering getting under the covers. Just like expected, my body screaming for sleep, but my mind not willing to find some peace. I turned my head looking at the dark purple substance floating around in the small glass bottle. After a few seconds I reached out and pulled my body slightly up so I could take a sip. I opened it and inhaled the scent of the different herbs and other ingredients.

After taking one sip, I placed it back on the nightstand and I went back to staring at the ceiling. I don’t know how much time had passed before my eyelids slowly closed. A small smile forming on my face, finally feeling that sweet moment when you’re about the fall asleep. My mind for the first time since I arrived here a few days ago slowly going blank. The sounds around me disappeared in the same pace and I fully welcomed the blissfulness the potion brought.

I grunted feeling the sun burn on my face through the window behind my bed. I pulled the sheets over me as I turned on my side covering my face in the process. Staying curled up for a moment before I slightly peaked over the edge of my covers and saw the clothing I wore scattered towards the bathroom. When did I get back to my dorm? And did I finally sleep? I guess my body finally won the battle with my mind. A relieved sigh escaped my mouth, relieved that my body and mind finally got some rest. Sure it was still sore, one night can’t fix the time I’ve been awake, but it was progress.

I closed my eyes starting to stretch my body to its limits while turning on my back. I had a smile on my face, staring at the ceiling that I’ve seen every little detail from in previous nights. Slowly my smile disappeared remembering a strange dream. I had been working in my classroom with no results when Severus had entered. First to lecture me and then coming back and helping me. He even gave me something to help me sleep. It felt so real, that it even made me doubt it was a dream. Reliving the last moments I remembered drinking the dark purple liquid.

Slowly I turned my head towards my nightstand and there was the vial that Severus had given me in my dream. Although I was starting to understand that it really happened instead of it just being a dream. It wasn’t full anymore and if I remember correctly Sleeping Draught causes a dreamless sleep. I slowly sat up in the bed and felt slightly embarrassed that the one that I’ve wanted to impress saw me in that awful state. I ran my fingers through my messed up filthy hair and just sat there for a moment thinking back to what he had said.

He was right; I needed to clear my head if I had any chances of succeeding at this. I knew one thing that might help me do just that. I jumped out of bed and started to gather all my clothing putting it on in the bathroom. I looked at my reflection; pleased to see I looked a little healthier than yesterday. With a snap of my fingers my hair looked cleaner and my make-up started to appear on my face again. How I loved being a witch sometimes.

When I left my dorm I had noticed I missed breakfast, but that was okay since my appetite still wasn’t back. I should show my face at lunch though, seeing as I missed dinner last night as well. I walked faster than I normally would and this time I wasn’t going towards the dungeons. I was going to the classroom I would share this year and just hoped that professor Humphry wasn’t there. If this was going to work... I needed to be alone in there for a while. I was glad that the shortcuts I used as a student were still there so I could sneak to the room without running into someone.

I stepped into the music classroom and was relieved it was empty. I immediately felt better seeing all the instruments lined up. My eyes landed on one that was covered underneath a silky sheet. I pulled the fabric away and revealed the beautiful piece. I always wanted one of my own, but never had the space or money for it. I let my fingers glide across the top of the black Bösendorfer, it was just like the one at home I thought to myself with a smile on my face. I thought back to the time I had spent behind this gorgeous instrument at home. My mother was an incredible musician. Playing multiple instruments and having an almost angelic voice.

People always told me that I had my vocal skills from her and that always made me blush. In my opinion her voice was so much better. One of my first memories with her was making music together. In the years that followed we sang together whenever we had the time and she taught me how to play the piano. Once I got older my mother showed me a spell to let some instruments play on its own. That way the two of us could perform whole songs sounding like a whole group was working on it.

I opened the front and main lid of the grand piano and admired its beauty. I sat down at the piano and pulled my hair in a high ponytail. I let my fingers hover just above the keys and my smile got even bigger while my mind was flooded with happy memories of my mother. So many songs went through my head at the moment. I’ve heard so many songs and amazing artists on my travels that there were so many choices right now. I started playing different melodies on the piano just to get the feeling back of playing.

Suddenly the choice became clear and I looked up towards the other instruments. I started to mutter the words from my mother’s spell and pointed towards the ones that I needed. The firsts notes from the violins and cello’s filled the room as I waited with closed eyes for the perfect moment to join in.  
_“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’ll never let you go _  
_When all those shadows almost killed your light _  
_I remember you said don’t leave me hear alone _  
_But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight _  
  
_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down _  
_You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now _  
_Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound _

_Don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire _  
_The war outside our door keeps raging on _  
_Hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone, gone” _

I completely lost myself in the music and I felt all my worries and fear disappear in the moment before singing the last words.  
_“Just close your eyes, you’ll be alright _  
_Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound”_ During the remainder of the song I just hummed along as I let the song come to it’s perfect end. I opened my eyes when I played the last note. All the instruments around me fell silent and one single tear rolled over my cheek.

“I told you she would be to perfect successor for your course Professor Humphry” I was startled for a second when I heard the familiar voice speak behind me.  
“Looks like I finally get to retire next year” I heard that Professor say. I slowly turned around and saw four people in front of me. Minerva, Albus, Harvey and Severus all stood there in front of me. While my eyes lingered on the last, I felt the embarrassment of this morning coming back and my cheeks were starting to burn.

“We got a little worried after you missed two meals” Minerva said and I immediately looked down to my lap.  
“I never meant to make you worried, I’m so sorry” I blurted out nervously. I was really caught off guard here. One moment I was fully emerged into the music and the next I was sucked back to reality by four spectators; whom I never heard entering.  
“I got caught up in my work yesterday and I needed a break from it I guess. Get my head cleared,” I said regaining some of my confidence, looking towards Severus while I spoke those last words.

I had noticed that the other three had a smile on their faces while looking at me, while his face remained in his emotionless way. Though his eyes told something different, I wasn’t sure what that was yet. Did he maybe recognize... No, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t… Maybe he just likes my voice but didn’t want to show it?  
“Why don’t you join us on the last part of our safety round before we have lunch” Minerva said smiling even bigger now and I just couldn’t say no to her invitation. I needed to blend in with them someday. I just nodded and got up from the small bench. With a wave of my hand the grand piano closed and the cover slowly draped over it.

“How could I have overlooked a skilled student like yourself Miss Hallewel?” Minerva said as I walked closer.  
“I wasn’t one to brag, I preferred to be alone most of the time, not really wanting any attention really… And please call me Alyssa” I said smiling back, looking towards Dumbledore for a moment. Wondering if he had cast a spell to make the teachers forget about me.  
“Let us continue on then” The man said and walked ahead, closely followed by Minerva and Harvey. Severus seemed to linger for a second before joining them as well; I looked over my shoulder for a moment determined to return here as soon as possible. Only then making sure the door was locked.

During the walk Harvey and Minerva talked all about the different types of students and how to handle them properly. Harvey was clearly fonder of the softer way of teaching while Minerva was clearly stricter, just like I remembered her to be. I was getting curious about how Severus was in his class though, I remembered the previous Potion Master very well. I was never in his little Slug Club, but I managed to get pretty good grades anyway. Professor Slughorn always favored the students good enough to be in his club and I wondered if Severus had a similar kind of thing.

After the rounds, the five of us went back to the Great Hall to join the rest of the faculty. I was surprised Severus stayed this time, after what he said to me the first day and leaving after grabbing some food like I’ve been doing for the past few days. After Dumbledore excused himself to talk to Filch and Hagrid; the rest of us sat down at one of the tables, normally used by the students.  
“So... Alyssa what is your plan for Martial Magic?” Harvey asked before taking a bite of his sandwich. I bit my lip for a moment looking at my plate feeling my appetite disappearing once again.  
“Honestly I’m still working on it. I’ve never done this before so there are quite a few things I still have to figure out,” I said feeling pretty dumb at the moment.  
“Have you got any ideas on how you wanted to do this?” Minerva then asked and I nodded.

I started to explain how I wanted to use a test to make sure the students that applied were serious enough about the course. I told them how I decided to only teach the 6th and 7th years a more extra-curricular type of class, since there simply wasn’t enough time to prepare them for the N.E.W.T.’s, but I still wanted to give them a taste of this subject. I felt kind of relieved sharing all of this and even Severus seemed interested in what I had to say.  
“Is a test really necessary?” Harvey asked a bit hesitant about the idea and for the first time today Severus spoke in my presence.  
“The students need to know what they’re in for and since the students will execute what they will learn it’s best not to take any chances on those who do not take it seriously” Minerva nodded at those words.

“Severus is right. After all this is a N.E.W.T. level Elective and not everyone is cut out for that” It really felt good to have the support of at least two of my experienced colleagues.  
“Why don’t you come to my office after this and we can work on your lessons” Minerva said and I eagerly nodded with a big smile on my face.  
“Yes please. Thank you” I added and she smiled back at me. During the remainder of our lunch Minerva and Harvey asked more personal questions about my family, my musical abilities and me. I’ve told them that my mother had passed away at the end of my sixth year and lied that my father had committed suicide at the end of my seventh. Explaining that was why I had been traveling for the last ten years.

I had stayed with Minerva the rest of the day; taking a break around dinner time and going straight back after to continue working. I was really happy with the help she provided me. Now I had a rough plan on how to do this. For the first month I would combine the different years in one class and I would start with an introduction of this class. After that month the 5th years would separate and 6th and 7th years would stay combined for the rest of the year, seeing as this would be more an extra-curricular course for them.

After I expressed my gratefulness for the 100th time, I left Minerva in her office while I went back to the dorms. Clutching all the papers and an almost full notebook in my arms, I was walking through the halls. For the first time I felt slightly capable of pulling this off, maybe that old cryptic bastard was right about this. Although I hated to admit that. I was starting to envision how it would be once the students were in my class and I just hoped they would respect me like I always respected Minerva as my teacher.

Suddenly I walked right into something, or rather someone and everything that was in my arms fell to the ground.  
“Oh god I’m so sorry” I said while leaning down to pick everything up.  
“Watch were you’re going next time” I looked up at the angry face of Severus.  
“I will, once again sorry,” I said slightly bowing my head after I picked everything from the ground and he just grunted. While we looked at each other, his eyes softened just like they had in the music room.

He placed his hand on the doorknob next to us and I got the hint that I was standing in the way. I stepped to the side, ready to walk towards my own door when he spoke again.  
“If you need any help on that test, come to my office tomorrow afternoon” I was a bit surprised at his offer, since he made it very clear that he liked his solitude as much as I did in my student years.  
“Unless you got it all figured out already?” he asked impatiently after I had stayed silent for longer than I had realized and I immediately shook my head.

“It’s not that. I could use all the help I can get honestly,” I said smiling towards him and he just nodded.  
“I’ll expect you there at 1. Don’t be late” he said opening his door and I just nodded.  
“I won’t. Thank you Severus,” I said ecstatic and walked towards my door.  
“Goodnight Severus” I said over my shoulder just before he closed the door. I dropped my stuff on the first free table in my dorm and looked back towards my door for a moment.

Maybe, just maybe I could have that friendship that I’ve wanted with him so many years ago after all.

* * *

For those of you who are curious about the songs:  
The Music:  
  
The Original song:  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I discovered the first song and I absolutely loved it, plus it is perfect for this moment. I want to repeat that I do not own any of these songs.


	3. Cranky Bastard, Sleeping Beauty

The first session with Severus had been very productive and I got a pretty clear idea of his teaching methods. He had suggested pretty challenging questions and had been very strict on me as well. Saying I needed to be tough if I didn’t want any accidents. I agreed with him, but didn’t particularly like the way he told me. I would have loved to tell him I knew all that and I wasn’t one his dunderhead students, like he liked to call them. It took quite some restrain from me to keep those comments in. Since I knew if I wanted this man to consider me a friend, it wouldn’t be smart to fight him after he offered to help me.

So I sat there taking in every snarky comment he got, when I said something that sounded stupid in his ears or the ones that expressed he doubted I was going to be good at this. I took it all in; I would show him one day. I was pretty exhausted after that first afternoon, but we got a pretty good idea of how I would want this test to look like. We met up again the next day, even though we had agreed that I would make the test on my own and he would look it over with me once it was finished. I had asked him for a short lesson on potions usable in duels, wanting to make sure I had the right ones in mind. 

That was another productive day as well and he even seemed a little less snarky. Not much, but still noticeable. A couple days had passed and the pressure that the students were arriving soon was growing. I had still been using Severus’s sleeping draught to fall asleep and that was the reason I was in a panic mode right now. It was Thursday now and the students were to arrive on Sunday evening. To top up the pressure of that, today was the day Severus and I would look over my test and I was supposed to meet him a half hour ago. 

I woke up in a frantic state realizing what time it was. I quickly got dressed and was collecting my stuff like a mad man. I ran out of my dorm, almost tripping over one of the boxes that I still needed to unpack and went straight towards his office. I ran at my full speed, guilt filling me as fast as my heels hit the floor. A part of me regretted taking that sip last night, while the other part knew I had no choice if I wanted to get some sleep. I finally reached the dungeons and without knocking burst in to Severus’s office.

“You’re late!” he snapped, as soon as I was in. He sat there at his desk, not looking up.  
“I’m so incredibly sorry... I...” he cut me off by slamming his hand on his desk and looking towards me.  
“I’m wasting my time to help you and this is how you repay that? With irresponsible and disrespecting behavior?!” The anger in his voice send chills down my spine and I nervously ran a hand through my messy hair.  
“Look at you! Late and a mess” he spat. I hesitantly took a few steps towards him.  
“I truly am sorry Severus. I never meant to disrespect you” and he just scoffed looking back at his paperwork.

“I just underestimated the strength of your sleeping draught,” I muttered.  
“But I completely understand if you don’t have time for me anymore. Thank you for all the help you’ve giving me so far, I truly appreciate it” I said turning around ready to walk away.  
“You’re still using it?” he asked in a softer tone, anger and irritation still clear in his voice. I hesitantly turned around, slightly nervous to face him at the moment and I just nodded. Before I had the chance to explain he signed me closer.  
“Let me look at your work” He said, before clearing out his own paperwork. 

Not wanting to lose this opportunity, I walked towards his desk and laid down the final draft I made last night.  
“Not all questions are about the things they learned so far. I figured it would be a good idea to find out more about their way of thinking,” I said trying to push down the nerves as Severus read the papers.  
“Why?” he asked, not hinting if he thought this was a good or bad idea. Wondering what his intension were, I started to explain.  
“Well, with the answers given by students, I would be able to better estimate if they would be qualified to take this course. I could see if they possess the right mindset. See if they are determined, confident and honorable. The qualities I believe are necessary for them to succeed in this class. Those combined with their knowledge should be able to prevent those casualties that you would get if I let everyone in my class” I said sounding more confident of myself as I kept on talking.

Severus just sat there, non-responsive looking at the work I’ve done the last couple of days. I stood there back straight and shoulders back. Waiting patiently while I was going crazy on the inside. He leaned back in his chair while he looked it over for a second time. The silence between us while I stood there waiting for his opinion was slowly killing me. Just when I was about to ask what he thought about it, he placed the papers back on his desk.  
“This will work” he said pushing the papers towards me and grabbing his own and continued with was he was doing.

I grabbed my papers again and bowed my head slightly, a habit that stayed with me after I lived in Japan for five years.  
“Thank you Severus, for everything” and he looked up for a second not showing any emotions. I slowly made my way out and when I reached the door I heard him speak again.  
“You can find someone else’s time to waste assessing those tests after your first class” I had to admit, that stung a bit.  
“Understood” I snapped, slamming the door behind me letting go of the restraint from the last few days.

“Cranky bastard” I muttered while I made my way to my own office. I don’t know whom I was more angry with at the moment. Myself for ruining the efforts I had put in trying to build a friendship with Severus. Or him for being that short tempered and blunt, just because I was late. After placing the test in my drawer I took my robe off and hung it over my chair. I took out the lesson plans I had made with Minerva last week, deciding to go over them again, wanting to determine the right order. I sat down and threw my legs over the armrest while looking over the paperwork.

Like I expected from my stupid brain, it was hard to focus on this at this moment. I started staring in front of me. Me being late couldn’t possibly be the only reason for him being so cold to me right? I mean after I told him my sleeping problems still existed he wanted to help after all. I started to think back to the last couple of days, trying to find a reason I could have caused this behavior. Maybe it wasn’t something I did, perhaps something else was bothering him and he took it out on me. 

Saturday had arrived and all the staff was getting the castle ready to receive the students, while the other Professors laid their final touches in preparation of the start of the school year. I was walking towards Dumbledore’s office; he wanted to talk to me about my class and everything I came up with. The weird part was though, I wasn’t nearly as nervous for his opinion as I was for a certain cranky Potion Master. I had seen Severus yesterday and I just kept it civil. Putting on my mask, refusing to show that what he said the morning before had affected me. 

While walking through the hallways I started thinking about what could happen during the talk with Dumbledore. Worst-case scenario was him hating it so much that he would fire me on the spot. Which wasn’t that bad if I thought about it, in that case I could return to my nice quiet safe life in Japan. Though I doubt he was the man to be that drastic, after he basically ordered me to come here in the first place. I guess I was about to find out as I reached the entrance of his office. 

I spoke the password and the staircase started to appear. I swiftly stepped on the highest step and stood still while it moved upwards. I had been here so many times during my last year, that other students started to whisper that I had finally become a problem student. I didn’t care though, as long as they didn’t discover the real reason for my visits with the headmaster, I didn’t care what they said about me. All I wanted that year was to escape the horrible fate my father had planned for me.

For the first time in a decade I entered the familiar office of the headmaster. In the room there was no sign of the old wizard. Well that could be because I was early for our appointment, like I usually was if I didn’t overslept because of the effects of a potion. I still cursed myself for that mistake, just as much as I cursed Severus being so overly sensitive about it. I made my way towards his desk and saw Fawkes on his usual spot next to it. I was glad that magnificent creature was still here. I laid my paperwork on the desk and took a few steps closer.

“Hello there handsome, remember me?” I asked as I reached towards him. He took a few moments before his head leaned towards my hand. Smiling from ear to ear I carefully stroked his head.  
“Of course he recognizes the student that was in here almost every day” I looked towards the voice and was greeted by a smiling Albus. I looked back toward the phoenix for a second before sitting down in a chair in front of him. He grabbed the paperwork that I had already laid down on his desk and started to read it.

I looked around the office, waiting for the verdict, noticing that this place hadn’t changed that much. My attention went back to the man in front of me; he clearly took a lot less time reading through it all than a certain black clothed man.  
“Looks like you all figured it all out,” he said with a content smile on his face while placing the papers back on his desk.  
“I’ve noticed you’re fitting in quite nicely with the rest of the staff, like I expected. Now how are you doing?” he said folding his hands on his desk.  
“Honestly?” I asked and he just nodded. I let out a sigh trying to find the words to describe how the last 2 weeks has been.

“I would have gone insane if it wasn’t for the Sleeping draught Severus gave me. Trying to set up this complete new class would have done the same without the help of Minerva and Severus.” I said shaking my head.  
“See the pattern? That’s the only reason I could even present you with something today. How on earth did you come up with this crazy idea that I was fit for this position?” I started feeling all the frustration that had built up since the moment I arrived surfacing. I didn’t give the man time to answer, almost immediately continuing my rant.  
“The only reason I don’t worry about the music class is because I’m just assisting this year and I’ve played music almost my entire life” I started to shift in my seat, leaning closer towards the desk.

“Why give me this class to teach? Why do you even want me to teach here? Why bring me back to the place so close to my old home? I know my father is rotting in Azkaban, but that doesn’t mean I’m safe at all!” I started to raise my voice slightly as the anger and frustration took over my body. Those feelings only grew bigger seeing the man in front of me sitting still like a statue, not even moving a wrinkle on his face.  
“Tell me Dumbledore. What is the use of me being here? What the hell is going on here that you need me?” I’ve been wondering that ever since he visited me in Japan, why does he need me? When clearly there were so many other stronger wizards and witches that didn’t fled during the war. 

With my body slightly trembling I sat there, giving him a chance to explain himself, although I feared I wouldn’t get a straight answer out of him. Since he never explained to me why he went through so many troubles helping a single student escape from her own father and his friends. Finally the man moved after the long and tension filled silence, he leaned forward as well hovering above his hands.  
“After all these years you still underestimate your own strength Miss Hallewel. Yes you had help on creating this class, which is perfectly normal, but if I’m not mistaken Minerva and Severus just pushed you in the right direction. You already were an exceptional student and I believe your travels aided in your talents growing even more. It’s that knowledge and the mature and responsible way you’ve always used those skills, that convinced me that you would be the perfect candidate for this position. This class can make a difference in the lives of some of the students” 

I listened to every word the man spoke and the anger slowly ebbed away, but the frustration remained. Since he never answered the why now part and a part of me guessed he wouldn’t share that with me this time.  
“Since your class won’t start until the second day, I would advise you to join some of the other classes. Just to get an idea of how the other Professors handle their subjects.” He said with a smile and I hesitated for minute.  
“I don’t know, I don’t want to be a distraction for the students” I muttered.  
“I’ve already arranged it with the others. It will be no problem,” he said with a soft smile and I scoffed.

“So basically I have no choice,” I muttered getting ready to leave.  
“Just focus on making this class a success and all will be clear soon enough” I noticed a hint of mischief in his eyes while handing me back my papers.  
“Keep your eyes and ears open, like you did when you were a student” he whispered with a wink. I nodded and left the office not really knowing what to think of the things he just said to me. Why was that damn man always so cryptic? What was it that he just couldn’t say straight to my face? Not feeling quite social at the moment, I decided to retreat in my office preparing the last things for my first class.

I was checking myself in my floor length mirror I had placed next to the wardrobe, for the last time. The students were on the Hogwarts Express, getting closer to the castle in this very moment. Albus had informed me this morning that he would introduce me to the school during his opening speech. I was a nervous wreck, tonight was the night I was formally introduced as a teacher and I just hoped everything went well. I had finally finished unpacking last night, so my dorm felt a little more comfortable. 

I looked at my nightstand through the reflection of the mirror and saw the almost empty bottle. I just hoped now that this dorm felt a little more like home, that I would be fine without it. Since I refused to go to Severus or Albus to ask for more, I had to sleep on my own eventually. Albus also informed me on the classes I would be attending tomorrow. Charms with Professor Flitwick, Transfiguration with Minerva and of course Potions. I was a little surprised by the fact that Severus would let me in his classroom while he was teaching, but my gut told me that just like me, he didn’t have much of a say in the matter. 

The headmaster had explained, that these three would be most educational due to the differences in teaching methods. After making sure my attire from boots to robes was spotless, I took a step closer, checking my make-up one last time. I had chosen today to keep it simple and light like I mostly did. I made a few braids in my hair before pulling it in a high ponytail. I turned around and looked at the clock hanging on the wall in the living area, it was time to join the rest in the Great Hall. I inhaled and exhaled a little harder than usual trying to gain control of my nerves, or at least preparing myself to cover them so no one would notice. 

I walked towards the Great Hall in a steady pace, focusing on the rhythm of my heels that echoed through the massive hallway. The walk felt just as long as it did on my first day back. My eyes widened as I took my first steps inside the Hall, candles floating around and the long tables set for the students. This sight brought me right back to a memory of an eleven year old me walking in for the first time ever. I had forgotten how beautiful this place was on the first night of the year. Sure the Hall always got decorated for the different holidays, but still nothing would beat this sight. 

I looked in front of me towards the tables reserved for the teachers and a few staff members. I was the last to arrive and I noticed the last available seat was next to Severus. The nerves came flying back in an instant. Determined not to let it show, I kept my head high and walked confidently towards the empty seat. Everyone greeted me, some with words some with smiles, except for the man I was seated next to. As soon as I sat down, I noticed his body stiffened a little.  
“How good of you to be just on time for this,” He sneered without looking at me. I shifted in my seat for a moment, finding the most comfortable position. 

“For your information. I’ve only been late once in my life and if I remember correctly it wasn’t all my fault” I shot back at him flipping my ponytail back, just like him not even looking in his direction and I heard a few snickers around us. I folded my hands, leaning them on the table while I heard a low soft grunt next to me. I turned my head towards Professor Flitwick on the other side of me and started talking about how excited I was to watch him teach tomorrow. 

I had turned towards Filius during our conversation, as he started talking about the charms he wanted the start with this school year. Some time had passed before Argus came walking in announcing that the students had arrived. I shifted back in my seat so I was facing the doors. Minerva excused herself from the table, to go and receive the first years. It didn’t take long before the Great Hall was filling with chatting students and it brought a smile on my face. I slowly felt more eyes on me burning as the students started to notice me sitting here. 

The Great Hall fell in a silence when Minerva came back in and check to see if everything was ready to let the first years in. She disappeared for a moment, before returning with a group of young children. All of them in awe of everything around them, it made me blush a little. Thinking about how I had a similar reaction not long ago. As soon as Minerva and the students were standing right in front of us. Dumbledore got up welcoming the new students and welcoming back the other students. A soft sigh of relieve escaped my mouth, as Minerva took out a roll of parchment and started calling the first name up to the sorting hat.

“He’ll announce it after the sorting ceremony” Severus drawled in his usual tone and I wondered if anybody else heard it. I looked towards Severus, who was looking at me through the corner of his eye and I mouthed a ‘thank you’ towards him. I turned my attention towards the nervous eleven year olds in front of me, getting sorted in to their houses one by one. I went along with the other professors applauding after every single student got sorted. The last student sat down with the rest and Minerva made her way back to her seat next to Dumbledore. She started tapping a spoon against her glass to gain everyone’s attention and my heart skipped a beat the instant Dumbledore rose from his seat.

“At the end of the last year, I announced that a new class would become available for all the fifth years and up. They would have seen the class Martial Magic in their letter for this year. Finally I have the pleasure of introducing Professor Hallewel” he spoke signing towards me. I slowly rose from my seat and bowed my head slightly.  
“She will also be assisting Professor Humphry in his music class this year. Good luck Professor,” he continued and the room started to applaud and I felt my cheeks turn crimson red by all the attention. I quickly sat down as Albus opened the feast and the food appeared on every table. 

I let my eyes wonder on every available option in front of me, even though my stomach had wrapped itself in all kinds of knots from all the nerves, I needed to eat something. I felt a nudge in my side taking me out of my trail of thoughts. I looked towards my left seeing Severus with his already filled plate.  
“I recommend the roast chicken,” he simply stated before taking a bite himself. I looked in front of me nodding and hesitantly scooping some chicken on my plate.  
“Eat... you can’t sleep on an empty stomach. Besides if my calculations are correct you’re running out of a certain remedy” He spoke in the same tone he used warning me about the announcement.

Again nodding I went back to scouting the options, overwhelmed by everything that has happened and was surrounding me.  
“Are you alright Miss Hallewel?” I heard Filius ask on the other side of me. I snapped out of it again and faked a smile towards the small man and nodded.  
“Just a bit overwhelmed by the many choices that’s all” I said maintaining my smile and he chuckled for a moment.  
“Happened to me to, my first year teaching” he said reassuring while he started to recommend things that went well with the chicken that was already on my plate. 

After filling my plate up a little more, I started eating. I had to force myself to eat it all, no matter how good it was. I always had trouble eating when I wasn’t comfortable, I just lost my appetite. While some of the Professors around me started on their second serving I was still fighting myself to finish the first plate. Just as I had taken the last bite, the remaining food started to disappear and make room for the dessert spread. Right in front of me, something appeared that made my mouth water. A chocolate gateau, my addiction from when I was a student here.

It has been my ultimate comfort food throughout all those years and I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that it was right in front of me. Without hesitation I lunged forwards taking the biggest piece I saw and dropped in on my plate. I immediately took a bite and closed my eyes for a second savoring the flavor that was still as delicious as I remembered. Opening my eyes hungrily going for the second bite, I noticed Severus slightly leaning towards me.  
“I was starting to wonder if we would have to force feed you seeing how long you took to finish your plate,” He whispered, revealing a grin for a short second. I covered my mouth while swallowing the bite. 

“Chocolate is my weakness, it’s truly heavens gift” I admitted biting my lip, feeling a light blush covering my cheeks again. He looked me in the eyes for a moment, before sitting up straight again and pointed subtlety towards the chocolate ice-cream that was in front of him. My smile grew as I saw how molted chocolate was covering the cold dessert. I noticed in the corner of my eye that Severus was eating the chocolate ice cream. I grabbed my plate to get a scoop of my own, when I noticed there already was ice cream next to my piece of cake. I just looked at it for a second before I muttered a thank you and just smiled towards him. His face remained in his usual emotionless way, but I swear I could see his dark eyes telling me something else. 

As we both went back on eating our dessert, I felt relieved and a little happy. Realizing that I hadn’t ruined the change of a friendship with the man next to me. All the anger I held for him for being so rude the other day vanishing in an instant. Normally I wouldn’t forgive someone so easily, but this was different somehow. It surely confirmed my suspicion that me being late wasn’t the only reason for him being extra cranky last Thursday. In between bites, I looked towards him through the corner of my eyes a couple of times. 

After the feast was over, the students started to leave the Great Hall going towards their dorms. Most of the teachers stayed behind for a while, talking about the new students and about the first classes the next morning. While I for once genuinely enjoyed myself with the others, I slowly felt my eyelids getting heavier. Along with some other teachers I excused myself and I was the only one going back towards to the dorms. The others probably making some last rounds, making sure all the students had gone to their dorms. 

I reached my door, when I heard footsteps coming closer. A small smile appeared on my face seeing Severus walking to his door on the other side.  
“Good night Severus” I said with a smile and he nodded towards me before the both of us entered our own rooms. The closer I got to my bed the heavier my eyelids felt. I quickly got dressed in my nightgown, not even bothering washing my face or brushing my hair. I crawled underneath the covers, for the first time not needing the potion from my nightstand to fall asleep.


	4. What Goes Around, Comes Around

Yesterday was mostly a trip back to the past for me. I had first joined Filius in his class for second years and he was just like I remembered. Excellent in explaining the spells, but so light about it that it didn’t even feel like learning. He had repeated some of the spells the students had learned in their first year. I had taken some notes, but mostly I was enjoying the way he taught. At the end of the class he had called me forward, asking if I could demonstrate to the students what you could achieve if you kept working on spells. I tried to refuse, but after the whole class started to look at me and even started chanting for me to get off my stool, I got up anyway. 

I had stood right in front of him, asking if he wanted a demonstration with or without a wand. After the whole class had laughed for a moment, he said he wanted to be surprised. Without losing my eye contact with my colleague I made every feather in the classroom levitate. Earning a grant applause from the students and Filius, feeling my cheeks burn once again from all the positive attention. After the class ended I had stayed behind helping him prepare for his next class before leaving to attend Minerva’s class for first years.

The way she took control of the excited 11-year-old students was amazing to see. She explained the basic of Transfiguration so effortlessly, but her tone told that she wouldn’t tolerate any disobedience. Thankfully Minerva let me be an observer for her class and I had stayed behind with her after her class ended as well. She had asked me on how I had experienced the Start-of-term feast as a teacher for the first time. I carefully admitted that I had been pretty nervous before it started and was a little overwhelmed by everything at the end. She reassured me by telling me it was a pretty normal reaction for most first time teachers. 

I had waited in my office before Severus class would start, since it was the last class before dinner. I was in his classroom before anyone else, wanting to prove my point I made last night before the feast. As soon as the fifth year students had arrived, they immediately started to whisper to each other trying to guess why I was there. I stayed silent in the corner holding my notebook, while each of them sat down. Severus then suddenly burst into his classroom, saying that if anyone even looked in my direction during the class they would get detention. 

The way he stood in front of his class was slightly intimidating for me and I could only guess that feeling was even bigger for the students. He was strict just like Minerva, but in a more cruel way. I even felt bad for some of the students, who got the most criticism. Some of his sharp remarks though... The way he used his words... made me feel bad. Since I sometimes had a really hard time containing my laughter. I knew it was not the correct way to talk to a student, but his posture and the way the words rolled out of his mouth was pure entertainment. 

Still, I was glad I wasn’t one of those students and I realized he had been pretty easy on me when he had helped me. I noticed one thing though, despite his attitude and his razor sharp comments that pretty much sounded like insults, he had the undivided attention of every single student in front of me. He never raised his voice and he always corrected the mistakes he encountered for everyone to hear. Plus the fact that none of them had even tried to look my way or had asked me why I was here. It was truly fascinating to see the man talk about the subject he had been brilliant at in his student years. 

Today was my first lesson for Martial Magic and I had divided them in two groups. A total of 76 students had signed up for this class, 30 of which were in their fifth year. Since those were the students that would fully follow this course for the next three years, if they passed the test of course, I wanted to separate them from the other students for the first lesson. I was leaning against my desk while patiently waiting for their arrival. After a pretty good pep talk from Minerva this morning I felt a lot less nervous as I did when I woke up. 

Last night I had taken the last sip of the Sleeping Draught as the thoughts of everything I had seen that day in combination with my nerves for today where keeping me wide awake. I just hoped that after today I wouldn’t need it anymore. I looked at the clock on the side of me and I knew they should arrive any minute now. I watched the door and a small smile appeared on my face when the door opened slowly. I saw the first slightly nervous heads through the opening and I signed them to come in. 

“Please come in everybody, I don’t bite” Hard…that last word never saying out loud and I had to contain a snicker that was about to surface.  
“Take a seat,” I said pointing towards the desks on the sides of the room, I smiled towards every student that entered; recognizing some of them from the potions class and waited patiently for them all to take a seat.  
“Welcome everybody to the very first Martial Magic class at Hogwarts” I said folding my hands in front of me keeping them low.  
“I’m really pleased with the amount of interest in this Elective. This class will be a combination of subjects you’re already familiar with. Charms, Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I will teach you how to deal with Official Duels and Unofficial Duels and everything that comes with it. For our next lesson you will be joined by the 6th and 7th year students that also showed their interests, but since they will take this class as an extra-curricular you will separate after a month.”

I paused for a moment, looking at every student who all had eagerly been listening to my every word.  
“Make no mistake. This class will be tough and can even be dangerous if not treated with the right mindset” I pushed myself away from the desk and took a few steps forward.  
“Therefore I may have to disappoint some of you, who won’t be attending my next class” My friendly smile had been replaced with a serious look, while I heard sounds of confusion throughout the room.  
“I have prepared a test, this will tell me if you possess the knowledge and the right mindset to handle this subject. There is no place for students that don’t treat this class with the outmost respect and seriousness” 

I had stopped in the middle of the classroom, while still looking around. I snapped my fingers and separation boards surrounded every desk. With another snap the tests appeared in front of them.  
“You will have until the end of this class to finish the test. One portion of the test is about the knowledge about certain subjects while the other will only reflect on who you are as a witch or wizard. You may begin, good luck to you all” I said before returning to my desk, sitting down this time.

I saw all kinds of emotions when the students left the classroom, some were confident, some looked as confused as before the test and some even looked slightly defeated. I had told them results would be announced before the next class. The students will get a notice if they made it or not on Friday morning. I had taken notes while they took the test, like if they were lost right from the start to end or if it looked like it took them no effort at all. Those signs may help to bring certainty for those I would have doubts about based on their test results.

I started combining the right notes with the right test, to make it a little easier on myself for the grading process. After finishing I placed them all in one of the drawers, closing my eyes for a few seconds, mentally preparing myself for the next students. I rose from my seat and went back to stand in the same place as I did for the fifth years. I took a moment with my eyes closed again and opened them revealing the same friendly face as before. The door opened again and I saw a few students with a slightly less nervous look.  
“Please, come in everybody. I don’t bite” 

A stack of 76 tests lay in front of me, accompanied by the notes I had made during those tests. I had pretty much repeated my speech with the 6th and 7th years, only making it clear that they wouldn’t get the full course due to the lack of time. Also telling them I still wanted to give them a taste of what this class would entail. I looked at the pretty big pile and cursed myself. What the hell did I get myself into... I rubbed my neck and sighed. It wasn’t a matter of if my mind allowed me to sleep, but a matter of the time I got. Right now I was thankful the music class wasn’t until Friday, so for the next two days I could fully focus on getting everything sorted.

I eventually rose from my seat grabbing the stack before leaving the classroom. Leaving the locked room behind to enter my office. It was almost time for dinner, so for now I left the tests in a drawer of my desk; locking it with a spell. I sighed again, once again cursing myself for letting them do this stupid test. Deep down I knew it was for all the good reasons, but then again I had never expected for so many students to show interest. I would have been content with 40 or so students in total. 

I had lingered way longer in my office then I had planned and made it to the Great Hall just in time to eat something. Instead of returning to my office straight after, I had made rounds with Minerva for the remainder of the evening. Part of the job of being a teacher I guess, during those rounds she told me everything I needed to pay attention to when it came to after hour rounds. I had kept my worries about grading those tests to myself, not wanting to seem unfit right from the start. 

After a night with little to no rest, my mind wasn’t willing to grant me the rest I so much needed, I had quickly grabbed breakfast before withdrawing in my office. I had shown my face for lunch and dinner, but the rest of the time I had stayed in that small room. At some time that night I had moved from my desk towards the couch I had placed in there for times like this. I just never thought I would use it this soon. I had gone through all the tests from the 5th year students and all 30 laid on my coffee table while I looked at them with my hands folded. I just discovered a main flaw in this test. I had been so caught up with devising just the right questions and making the first lessons plans, that I had totally forgotten one big thing. I never thought of a grading scale.

My stare on the papers intensified as I once again cursed myself. How could I have forgotten such an essential part of this test? Sure, the knowledge questions were a simple right or wrong answer, but how much mistakes was one allowed to have. Then there was the personality part of the test, which was a whole other thing. When I created this I had a pretty clear idea on why I wanted those questions, but after reading them there were a lot of answers that made my head turn. There were a few cases that made it only worse. Having all the knowledge where the other answers were pretty clear that the student wanted to learn more for all the wrong reasons. Or having a slightly disappointing amount of correct answers knowledge based, but had the perfect mindset. 

There was a knock on the door and I absentmindedly told whomever it was to come in. Once the door was opened; I heard a familiar drawl.  
“Someone decided to get an early start” I looked at the man for a second before looking at the clock in my office. For a second debating if that was the correct time, slowly realizing I had been in here the whole night. I looked at the raven-haired man and his face told me I made my realization pretty clear.  
“Well some things require more time than initially intended” I simply replied before turning my attention towards the tests. 

“Is there something I can help you with Severus? Because I’m kind of busy at the moment, seeing I only have one day left” I said not looking back up.  
“You realized your mistake didn’t you,” He simply stated and my head immediately shot up.  
“You knew I forgot something, didn’t you?” I asked, trying my best to hold in the irritation that was building up inside me. A sly grin appeared on his face for a second, confirming my question. Of course he noticed, he probably developed a few of these for his own class in his time as a teacher. 

“Then you know I don’t have time for this. So unless you changed your mind on your previous statement, I would appreciate it if you let me get back to my work” I said as politely as possible, even throwing in a smile at the end before I once again looked down. I heard the door close and I felt a little relieved to be left alone with my own thoughts. That was until I heard his voice again, this time closer.  
“Move” he almost growled, I looked to my side and moved on my couch almost instantly not expecting him to stay or even stand so close to me. 

He smoothly sat down next to me and looked at the table, while my eyes were glued to him. This man was truly a mystery and I just couldn’t wait to unravel it.  
“They need to have at least 75% of the answers correct, seeing as you need them to know the basics.” He said looking at the papers immediately pulling out the ones who scored way below that and throwing them aside.  
“Then it’s up to you to decide if the ones that get close to that percentage have earned the last required points with the other answers. And of course if the ones that did score high possess the mindset you want” He had gathered all the remaining ones and placed them right in front of me. 

He turned towards me and looked me straight in my eyes, as I still wasn’t able to look away from him.  
“Where are the others?” His deep voice made me stand up and walk towards my desk, handing the tests from the 6th and 7th years towards him before sitting next to him again. He took the top set from the pile and placed the others on the table right in front of him. He pointed towards the pile in front of me, before making his quill and inkbottle appear out of thin air. I turned towards the pile and also took the top one ready to judge on the criteria Severus had told me. I had been whacking my brain all night to get a system going and he managed to come up with one effortlessly. 

“Severus... I don’t want to waste...” I hesitantly spoke before he interrupted me.  
“Focus on your part” and I just nodded. I leaned back in my couch while I started ‘my part’. We worked in a surprisingly comfortable silence, our quills being the only source of sound. In the corner of my eye I even noticed he had leaned back in a more comfortable position as well. I had reviewed a few before the one that send warning bells in my gut; was in my hands again. I unconsciously leaned towards Severus to show him the answers.  
“Take a look at this and tell me I’m not paranoid, even though he has all the correct answers. These aren’t normal for a 15 year old that wants to learn how to defend himself right?” He looked up from his own papers and took it out of my hand. 

While he was looking it over I realized how close I was to him, I was able to clearly hear him breathing and his scent was filling my nose slowly. Before I could linger on it too much he went back to the first page to read the name. He looked at it for a few seconds before tossing it aside.  
“You’re not. This one will cause problems without you realizing at first” he said returning back to the grading part. I simply nodded and slowly shifted back into my corner of the couch and continuing the rest of my pile. 

The comfortable silence returned with both of us going through the tests. After some time I heard him shift in his place and I looked towards him. He had finished grading those remaining 46 test in an impressive pace and he was getting ready to leave. He stood up and in just a few steps he was at the door. I sat up straight as soon as his hand touched the doorknob, me speaking his name making him stop.  
“Thank you so much for this. I don’t know how I could ever repay you,” I said with genuine smile on my face. He looked over his shoulder towards me.  
“You’ll find out soon enough” And with those words he left me on my own again. 

I stared at the door for a long moment, processing everything that had just happened. He had been perfectly clear last week that he wasn’t going to help me with this. I still didn’t know what had made him change his mind and save my ass... again. I was starting to wonder who the more complicated man at this school was, Severus or Albus. While contemplating those thoughts for a second, I got no wiser. So I decided to focus back on what I was doing. 

I had finished all the results for the 5th year students and I made a list of accepted and rejected before storing the papers back in the drawer. I had managed to do a few from the 6th years, before taking a break for lunch, since the noises that my stomach produced became very distracting. While I was in the Great Hall, it took quite some effort trying to tune out all the sounds around me. I slowly started to feel the consequences of working through the night. All the noises around me were giving me a headache and I missed the quietness I had after the sleepless nights in my first week. 

I had returned as soon as possible to the serenity of my office. Since Severus had done a majority of the work already, I was able to finish it just in time for me to take a short nap before dinner. I was thankful that I was smart enough to make an acceptance and rejection letter Sunday morning; I just had to address them to the right student now. A task I could also do after dinner. I laid down on my couch, looking at my ceiling for a moment before closing my eyes. Even though I never reached that deep sleep bliss, I still felt my body relax and I felt a lot better when it was time to join the others in the Great Hall again.

I was a lot more sociable this time, talking to multiple teachers, but I missed one. I turned towards Minerva, almost at the end of dinner, wondering why he didn’t even came in to grab something.  
“Have you seen Severus?” I asked while still looking towards the doors.  
“I heard he had some work to catch up on and he would eat something later. Is something wrong?” I looked towards the Transfiguration professor and shook my head.  
“No, just curious that’s all” I said smiling, getting filled with guilt on the inside. I had stayed in the Great Hall during the remainder of the dinnertime, but felt worse by the minute. If I had done a better job, he wouldn’t have needed to help me and he could have eaten at the normal time. 

Though I never asked for help, I never rejected it either and I kept thinking about that while I made my way back to my office. I stopped in front of his classroom door, my hand in the air ready to knock; but I didn’t. Instead I slowly made my way to my office, for some reason I just couldn’t go in. Once back in my office I just started writing the right names on the letters and made them ready to be send of in the morning. My mind occasionally went back to Severus missing dinner due to his work, which made this task took longer than I had expected. 

It was around ten, when I finally left my office. I assumed Severus had finished his work and just made my way towards the dorms. A little voice was nagging in my head, asking if I was really sure Severus had his dinner and went back to his dorm. So I made a last minute detour that led me towards the kitchen first. After talking to one of the house elves I discovered Severus had never shown his face. I had offered to take the food they had kept aside for him and bring it to him personally. Since I still felt kind of responsible for him still working. 

I had arrived again at his classroom door, this time holding a tray of food. I raised my hand again, but this time made contact with the door. A low drawl come from the other side, telling me to come in. I slowly opened the door and looked it; seeing the man behind his desk. I entered the room and closed the door behind me.  
“I thought you could use some food,” I said politely taking a few steps towards him. He simply gestured to his desk, never looking up from his paperwork. Slowly I put down his tray as soon as I reached his desk. 

“Is there something else?” He asked after I had stood there in silence for a moment, still keeping his eyes on his work.  
“Is there something I can help you with?” I asked softly biting my lip, feeling slightly uncomfortable right now.  
“No” he harshly spoke and I just nodded. I looked around his classroom when I walked back towards the door and noticed it was still quite a mess. Potions ingredients scattered around, some filthy spots on the students’ desks etcetera. I had my hand on the doorknob, but I just couldn’t leave knowing he still needed to clean after his paperwork. 

I turned on my heel, taking off my robe before hanging it on a hook near the door. I started to gather the ingredients, when I noticed Severus look up from his paperwork for the first time since I came in. I stopped in my tracks for a moment as it looked like wanted to say something, but he just returned to his work. With my arms filled with ingredients I made it towards the shelves closer to him.  
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” I turned towards him, smirking at his tone.  
“Nope” I simple stated.  
“This doesn’t count” And I knew that he had referred to the favor I owed him.

“Can’t you just accept that I just wanted to help out a colleague, one that helped me a lot. See it as thank you for the last two weeks” I said before turning back towards the shelves. It didn’t took me long to discover his system as I noticed it was all in alphabetical order. A smile crept on my face as I noticed he started eating as well. A small part of me wanted him to talk more, but I guess I should be satisfied by the fact he didn’t yell at me to leave him alone and throw me out. 

I had finished ordering his office in the same amount of time he finished his dinner and paperwork. I guessed while I was working he wasn’t just grading papers; since he showed me this morning how fast he was with that. He stood up from his seat and reached for the tray, but I beat him to it; picking it up before he could.  
“I’ll take this” I said with a smile and made my way towards the door. After grabbing my robe and looked over my shoulder.  
“Goodnight Severus” Leaving him behind in his classroom while I made my way back towards the kitchen to drop off the dirty dishes. 

It was almost midnight when I made my way back to my dorm. My body was yearning for my bed after this day and it was way later than I had planned to go to bed. Still I didn’t regret my actions for a second. The halls of the castle were nearly dark and memories of a younger me sneaking around these hours came back. How on earth did I never get caught? I thought with a smile on my face. I cherished the silence and the serenity for the rest of my walk. I was also getting excited about the next day. 

I would assist professor Humphry in music for the first time and of course my first real lesson with the students that had earned it. A little part of me felt a little bad for those who didn’t make it, but a bigger part of me knew it was for the best. A total of 43 students have made it; 20 5th years, 13 6th years and 10 from the 7th year. I felt pleased with the amount that still made it; since this was about the amount I would have expected to sign up before I made the cuts. I was also very curious on how everything would go this year, if the course will be successful enough to continue. 

I may have been hesitant on my success as a teacher and I would never have come up with the idea of setting up a whole new class for my first year in the first place. Still seeing as it all had worked out so far, I got determined to succeed at this now. I certainly didn’t want to disappoint the students that started this as an Elective, to not continue it all the way to graduation. I just hoped that Albus had been right all the way, although I would never admit it out loud.


	5. Comfortable Silence

It had been 2 months since the school year had started and I couldn’t have been happier on how it went. I had made it very clear during the second class, that just because they had passed the test, they still could be cut from the class if they didn’t handle this properly. The first month of teaching had been a little chaotic as I was still trying to adapt to the position, still the students had hung on my lips with everything I had told them. When the time came for them to split up in to two classes, I was getting more comfortable with my teaching and I felt more confident about it.

I kept the classes for the 6th and 7th years a little lighter than the other; giving them a little less homework. That month the practical lessons also started and I was pleased with the dedication and respect of the students. Even though they practiced on enchanted dummy’s I started to notice progress. All these things only confirmed I had chosen the right students for this and all the insecurities I had were slowly disappearing. Because this was all such a success, I started to feel more at home with every passing week.

I even became kind of popular among the kids, even the ones that weren’t in my class. It was something I hated when I was a student here myself, but for some reason I kind of liked it now. My class was becoming a popular subject as well. Students below their 5th years were getting excited after hearing the stories from my students. It made me somewhat proud; because it was telling me I did a good job. Sure not everyone was as positive about it; some thought it was way too dangerous to be taught. Some were students whose ego’s got bruised because they didn’t make it.

The music class was a whole different thing though. Sure I liked Harvey and the way he treated his students was good. I just didn’t completely approve of the way he pretty much dictated the class on which songs they were going to play. I always thought that this extra-curricular was a perfect creative outlet for the students, but since he decided on the songs I kind of felt like he was suppressing that a little. Still, since I was just an assistant in his classes I didn’t argue and just did it his way. Making up my mind that by the time I would teach this class my own, a lot would change.

I was walking towards the great hall with an enormous smile on my face for breakfast. Today was October the 31st, better known as Halloween. I always loved the way the castle was decorated on this day and on my travels loved the way other cultures celebrated it, or something similar on another day of the year, like Día de los Muertos. Still Halloween at Hogwarts was a nostalgic love, the decorations, the ghosts that were more active and around and of course the food. Just the smell of the food made my mouth water.

I greeted some students on my way to the teachers’ table, while also looking at all the carved pumpkins that were scattered around.  
“Good morning everyone” I said with a big smile before sitting down at my usual spot next to Severus. Everyone had greeted me as well, except for one; the one I sat next to. He just stayed silent while eating his breakfast; he didn’t even look up from his plate.  
“Someone is extra cheery this morning” I heard Filius say on my other side. I turned towards him, still smiling like an idiot.  
“I just love this day” I simply replied before getting myself some breakfast.

During breakfast I was really tempted to ask what was wrong with the man on my left. In the last two months I really felt like we were connecting, he even started to greet me in the morning, or replying with a goodnight. I had even helped him with inventory one night, which still didn’t count as repaying the favor in his mind since I volunteered to help him. I didn’t complain though, seeing I still had an excuse to spend time with this man. Even though I used his first name whenever it was the two of us and he still used my last name, I really thought there was a friendship in the making.

Just the more reason I didn’t understand what was going on with him right now. Suddenly he rose from his seat and walked away not saying a thing to anyone. I had followed his trail with my eyes for a moment, before returning to my conversation with Filius about why I liked this holiday so much. Slowly the students started to leave for their classes, just like the majority of the teachers. Since I had no class today and just some papers to grade I stayed behind talking to Hagrid; who started telling me all about his secret to grow such large pumpkins.

After a while, Hagrid had to go back to work as well and I went to my office. A stack of 20 papers from the 5th year students lay on my desk with the topic: Advantages and Disadvantages of potions during a duel. It was interesting to read their thoughts on the matter and it hardly felt like work to be honest. I was halfway through the stack when it was already time for lunch. During that only more questions came to my head, because this time Severus didn’t even show up. Should I be worried? Did I do something wrong in the last couple days? Or did he just really hate this holiday?

I was on my way back to the dungeons when I saw him walking in front of me. I quickened my pace and managed to catch up with him.  
“Hey you! I missed you at lunch” I said with a smile,  
“I was busy,” he bluntly stated without even looking at me.  
“I’ve been looking forward to this feast all week, I hope to see you there” I said keeping the smile on my face, he didn’t respond and just went in to his office slamming the door in my face.

Well that was rude, I thought to myself and I just stood there for a few seconds before I decided to return to my office. Before I got the change to enter my office, I heard my name. I looked to the side and saw three 5th year Gryffindor students from my class coming my way.  
“Hey there! How can I help you?” I said with a smile.  
“We have a free period right now and we wondered if you could help us” The only girl from the three asked.  
“We have a few questions about the homework,” One of the boys said and I nodded with a smile.  
“Sure, come in” I said before opening my door.

“Take a seat on the couch,” I said pointing towards it before walking over to my desk, putting away the papers quickly and dragging my chair towards the couch. The three students hesitated for a second at the door before coming in and sitting down. I folded my hands as I leaned towards them.  
“So what is it you wanted to know?”

After I was done answering the questions the trio had, I had been able to finish grading the last papers just in time for the big feast. On my way I enjoyed every little detail of the decorations that became even clearer now it was getting darker. Walking into the Great Hall my smile got just as big as this morning, seeing the bats fly in the sky and the pumpkins brightly lit by the candles. A little wave of worry came over me once again, when I noticed Severus wasn’t here yet. I sat down, trying my best not to show it. Just before the feast started, Severus had entered through a side entrance and I felt kind of relieved for a moment.

He sat down next to me, yet again silent and never looking at anyone. The food appeared in front of me, but I felt my appetite slowly going away. I ate anyway, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I hoped for. Since this was a special feast it went on longer than the usual dinner and I had been talking with some of the other teachers. My eyes drifting towards Severus every now and then. The feast was nearly ending and I finally mustered up the courage to talk to him. I just never got the change since he got up and left again not saying a word to anyone.

After the feast had ended and most of the students went with their belly’s filled to bed, I was walking through the halls accompanied by Minerva. We talked about the holiday, both in the wizarding and the muggle world. I really enjoyed it, even though a part of my mind was still trying to figure out what was up with a certain someone.  
“You know this day has another special meaning in our world” Minerva said eventually and my full attention went to her.  
“Today exactly nine years ago, we won the war,” She said with a proud smile and then it all hit me.

“Is something wrong?” I heard her say and it was then that I noticed that I had stopped walking. I looked up to her and just shook my head.  
“No, I just didn’t realize it has been so long ago already. That’s all”  
For the remainder of the rounds Minerva talked about how it was like during that last year of the war, including what is was like here at Hogwarts, only this time it was hard for me to process all she said. We said our goodnights at some point and I was completely in my own thoughts on my way to my dorm.

How could I forget what day it was, the day the wizarding world overcame the Dark Lord. For most it was a celebratory day, but some had lost people on that very day. Even though I wasn’t around when that happened, everyone in our community knew about it. ‘The boy who lived’ was told all around the world, including the horrible detail that he became an orphan that night. It all clicked now, I knew Severus had cared for Lily when he was still in school. They were best friends for most part of that, but he must have still cared for her after that. Since he spoke her name the night we were together, just before he graduated.

I passed Severus’s dorm and stopped for a second. I looked at the door before knocking, but there was no answer. I went into my own room and just stood there for a second debating my next move. I grabbed a few things and made my way to the dungeons, guessing he could be in his office. While standing in front of that door I felt my heart going faster, not really sure if I should do this. I let out a deep breath before knocking, a barely audible voice coming from the other side telling me to come in. I slowly opened the door and saw him sitting in a chair in front of the lit fireplace.

I took a few steps and softly closed the door behind me.  
“I thought that maybe you could use a drink and some company right now” I spoke softly, kind of nervous about his reaction.  
“Did you now?” he sneered, not taking his eyes of the flames in front of him. A small smile formed on my face, he didn’t tell me to mind my own business and get the hell out; so I took it as a yes. I walked over to him placing the bottle and two glasses I took from my room on the side table. I softly dragged his spare chair next to him, leaving the table in the middle.

I opened the bottle and poured the fire whiskey in the two glasses before sitting down. I took one of them from the table and looked at the liquor for a moment. The moment I sat there in silence waiting for him to move felt like it was going on forever. I felt the heat from the crackling fire, while I kept looking at him from the corner of my eye. A small relieve came over me when he took the other glass. I turned my eyes to the fire as well and took the first sip from my glass. I wanted to tell him that if he wanted to speak to me, that I was there for him, but for now I was content with the fact that he didn’t mind my company.

That night in Severus office, no word was spoken while we sat there drinking the liquor, our eyes captured by the dancing flames. The bottle was empty by the time I left, before I actually fell asleep in that chair. The day after was a pretty long and hard day, seeing the few hours of sleep and a slight headache that was controlling my mind. If you asked me, I would do it all over again, but maybe drink a little less. Severus had shown no signs of being affected by either the lack of sleep or the amount of liquor he consumed. His presence felt a little less dark and gloomy that day and that was enough for me to ensure I had done the right thing.

Sure I still had wanted him to talk to me about his problems, so he could get it of his chest, but at least this was a small step. One day he would realize I was truly there for him if he needed me and maybe then he could open up about his dark past. I had seen parts of his troubled life, but I never knew what was going on inside that brilliant mind of his. When that time comes, I will open up as well; revealing whom I really am. Something told me that all my secrets would be safe in his keep.

Another day passed with Severus slightly returning to the man I had known for the last two months. I still was careful around him, not wanted to ruin the fragile bond between us. Today was the day I would try to strengthen that bond, I would make him talk to me. Not about any heavy stuff or anything, just something I really needed help with. It was the first Quidditch match of the school year, Gryffindor against Slytherin. The whole school seemed ecstatic, students and teachers. Me on the other hand, I couldn’t care less.

I had attended one game in my first year as a student here and never saw one again. I didn’t really get what all the fuss was about honestly, nor did I understand the game itself. One of my classmates had tried to explain everything to me, but he only made it worse. Still it was the time for me try and find some enthusiasm for this game. This morning at breakfast I had noticed everyone at our table was talking about and I mean everyone; even Severus. I really felt like the odd one out at that moment, me being the only one not showing any excitement at all.

It did however show me one of Severus interest outside of his class, creating an opportunity for me to talk to him about something else then teaching. I had changed my teaching robe, for my warmer long black coat and added a scarf. It was a beautiful day, but I knew in those stands it wouldn’t be as warm as on the ground. I was putting on my gloves as I walked at the end of the large group of students and teachers that were on their way to the pitch. The closer I got, the more I hated this decision, asking myself why on earth I would put myself through this torture.

By the time we had all entered the pitch, the sounds of enthusiastic cheers filled my ears, remembering me once again why I always avoided this place during game day. I had made it to one of the higher stands and sat down next to my target.  
“I thought you weren’t interested” A low drawl came from next to me. I quickly glanced towards the dark haired man before looking around the pitch again.  
“Well I decided to give this game another chance after 17 years” I simply stated, trying not to show how uncomfortable I was in this setting.

The game had started and the crowd erupted, which made my irritation rise. Why were they so damn loud? As the game progressed that irritation only got bigger with my own confusion. I tried to follow the game, but so much was happening that I just didn’t know what to look at. Slowly it started to feel like my head was going to explode.  
“You look as lost as you did your first week” Severus said in a slight amused tone.  
“I just don’t get the point of this game honestly. Besides scoring more points than the opponents of course,” I admitted, without taking my eyes of the chaos on brooms in front of me.

I had acquired my goal, as Severus started to explain the game to me and honestly he did a better job than that kid in my first year. Slowly I started to understand the rules, but part of me still didn’t care. The only reason I stayed, was the fact that a certain person spoke more words to me than he ever had done in a whole day. It had started to become rougher by the minute, as Gryffindor was in the lead. A small feeling of excitement filled me as the pace in the game got faster.

Just when I wanted to ask something, a bludger barely evaded by a Gryffindor student was coming our way. I rapidly turned to my right as the flying object flew just inches over my head. I sat there for a second with my eyes tightly shut and holding on to something with my life. I carefully turned my head back, seeing the game just continued. I heard Severus scrape his throat and I slowly turned my head towards him. His cold eyes just looked towards his upper arm and I followed that gaze. My mouth dropped slightly as I saw what I was holding on to. Quickly I released my grip on his arm as I felt my cheeks burning up.  
“Oh god, I’m sorry,” I muttered before turning forwards again, hiding my face behind my long hair.

I cursed myself for this stupid action and just hoped this wouldn’t ruin anything. I tried to focus back on the game, but it was very difficult. I tried to keep the conversation going as if nothing happened, hiding my embarrassment with all that I had. It took a while before the tension between us was gone and in that time Slytherin was back in the lead. The game had lasted for over 3 hours before the Slytherin seeker caught the snitch, defeating Gryffindor. Everyone in our stand had stood up to applaud and I did the same. I slightly moved towards Severus.  
“Thank you for today” I said with a small smile before turning my attention back to the celebrating team.

I was walking at the end of the crowd again, but this time I wasn’t alone. Severus was right there beside me, which made me feel relieved. Knowing I didn’t scare him off with my little action in the stands. A few other staff members joined us, who were all talking about the game. I was content with the comfortable silence between the potion master and me and I was glad to be out of that damn loud pitch. Everyone went straight for the Great Hall, since it was already time for dinner.

I sat down, usual spot of course, letting my eyes glide through the hall. I immediately noticed the mood in the different houses. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw seemed pretty much neutral overall, while you saw the defeat in every single Gryffindor. Then there was Slytherin, pride beaming off of them, loudly celebrating their victory.  
“Did you enjoy the game, Alyssa?” I heard next to me towards Filius.  
“Let’s just say I’m starting to understand the game. I’m not sure if I like it just yet” I replied with a smile.

“If you have any questions, I’m happy to help” Rolanda said on the other side of Filius and I nodded.  
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks” I said not wanting to dismiss her, since that would kind of ruin my plan on getting Severus to talk more. Or perhaps it could help, that way I could say more to him during the next game without sounding like an idiot. Luckily I still had two more weeks before the next game, so I still had time to make up my mind.

The dinner went by pretty calmly, the hottest topic today’s match. I occasionally said something, but mostly kept to myself. Even though the game was less confusing for me, I didn’t see myself catching this ‘Quidditch Fever’ anytime soon. I stuck around after dinner, since I was going on rounds again; only this time on my own. I left the Great Hall with the other teachers that were going on rounds, when it was time for the students to be back in their common rooms. I was in the dungeons near the Slytherin common room when I noticed two red haired boys sneaking around.

After seeing their house colors, I instantly knew who they were. Since almost every teacher here told me about the mischief twins. One was fumbling with something while the other kept looking around, only missing the corner I was in. I scraped my throat as I walked closer, gaining the attention of the two boys.  
“The Weasley twins, a bit out of your destination are we?” I said trying to keep a straight face as they started to franticly put stuff in their pockets.

“No wonder our password didn’t work” one said to the other, before looking innocently at me.  
“Just be glad someone else didn’t catch you here. Now go on, back to your rooms, before I change my mind” I said crossing my arms, both saying thank you in unison. The boys turned on their heels and quickly walked towards the exit of the dungeons.  
“Oh boys, be careful. Next time I might not be in such a forgiving mood” the two twelve year olds turned around and nodded before leaving.

I shook my head, letting out a smile, as I saw the two leaving. I heard all about how they loved to pull pranks. Something they were probably planning to do tonight. Their older brothers were nothing like them, according to the stories I heard. Neither one were in my class, one devoting most of his time with magical creatures, while the other kept his nose in the books, not believing in rule breaking plus he wasn’t old enough yet. Although I wondered if he would sign up, guessing on what Minerva mostly told about the four Weasley’s.

Even though the twins were infamous for their pranks, some of the teachers did mention that if they went for something they work hard for it. It made me curious if they could pass the test for my class. I finished the last part of my rounds, before going towards the teachers’ dorms. I was pretty much drained of all energy and I just couldn’t wait until I could let my body fall onto my bed. I had my hand on my doorknob, when someone spoke behind me.  
“Goodnight Ms. Hallewel” When I looked over my shoulder, seeing Severus closing his door before I had a chance to say something back.

I stood there for a second before going in. This was the first time he wished me goodnight without me saying it first. With a small smile on my face I walked over towards my bed. After quickly changing in my sleepwear, I let myself fall with a pleased sigh leaving my mouth. Even though today didn’t go as smooth as planned, I was still very satisfied with the results. I also got curious how far this friendship had to go, before he would finally call me by my first name; hearing him say my last name felt so formal. I just have to wait and see…

* * *

In case people wanted to know how I imagine Alyssa in my head. Here she is:


	6. Tears In The Snow

Some time had passed and the second Quidditch match was a little more successful for me than the first one had been. This time I hadn’t embarrassed myself and I didn’t ask too many dumb questions. It was a pretty close match; Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were pretty much tied during the game. After an intense battle between both seekers, the victory went to Ravenclaw. I felt a little less uncomfortable in comparison to the first match, but still didn’t get the hype.

Things were getting better between Severus and me as well. I even graded my papers in his office, me wanting company and he didn’t mind. It’s not like we talked much that night, it was still nice to be in his presence. I think I even heard a small chuckle out of his mouth when I was being clumsy and spilled my inkbottle all over the graded papers. He was clearly getting more comfortable around me and that made me glad.

I was in my classroom; it was the last class before the holidays. The 6th and 7th year students were practicing the defensive spells I thought them in the last couple of weeks. Just like the 5th years, they had made tremendous progress and I couldn’t be prouder. I clapped my hands once, as a sign that I wanted their attention.  
“First of all, great job everyone! I’m really pleased with all the progress you have made so far,” I said with a smile, before pushing myself off of my desk.  
“Now, I want to do something different. A little treat before the holiday break” I waved my hand and all the training dummies except 1 disappeared.  
“I want you all to stand in a big circle around the dummy. We’re going to play a little game” I said with a grin and all the students eagerly stood around the object. I stepped into the circle and laid my hand on its shoulder.  
  
“Within a few moments, I will spell this dummy to attack. If it comes your way, use one of the spells I thought you to keep it at a distance and make it go to someone else” I snapped my fingers and circles appeared around the students.  
“If the dummy enters your circle before you can do a counter attack, you’ll loose and you’re out of the game. Last one standing wins” I looked around the circle.  
“Any questions?” And I saw one hand going up.  
“Is there a price?” He asked hesitantly and it made me chuckle before nodding.  
“There is,” I said with a grin.

“Everyone ready?” I asked after leaving the circle and all of them nodded. I counted down from 3 to 1 and hexed the dummy to go in full attack mode. The game went pretty well for the first few minutes, every student fully focused. Once one fell, more quickly followed until there were 2 left. A Ravenclaw and a Slytherin. Next to me stood the fallen students, cheering them on. It was a close call, but victory went to the blond Ravenclaw girl. I applauded, with the rest of the class, while I went towards my desk.

I pulled out a little package with different holiday candies and handed it to her.  
“Your price” I said and she eagerly accepted.  
“And on top of that. 5 points for Ravenclaw” She and her housemates cheered and I just looked at their happiness.  
“You guys made this a truly exciting game. Keep up the good work, all of you” I said, looking at each of my students.  
“For those who go home for the break. Happy Christmas, enjoy the New Year celebrations and I’ll see you soon! Class dismissed”

The students left the classroom and I turned around, cleaning up everything from this class.  
“No homework? You’re just as soft as the rest” A monotone deep voice came from behind me. I just shrugged while I kept on going.  
“They have worked their butts of the last couple of weeks, they deserve a break,” I said while putting away the dummies in the closet. I walked towards my desk, turning towards Severus while I leaned against it.  
“Like I said... soft” He drawled while he came inside. He looked around my classroom while he walked closer towards me.

“So, now the first half of the year is finished. Still believe you were set up for failure?” he asked standing a few feet in front of me and I just chuckled, remembering the day I said that.  
“I take those words back,” I said shaking my head.  
“It’s been really great, the students are progressing so much and I really enjoy seeing them grow” I said a proud smile taking over my face, he simply nodded while he kept his hand neatly folded in front of him.  
“I couldn’t have done this without you, so thank you. For all the help the last couple of months.” I said keeping eye contact with the man in front of me.  
  
“I also made it a little easier on myself next year. I have discussed it with Albus and decided that the students wanting to sign up will take the test at the end of their fourth year. Meaning I have the full summer break to grade them if needed” I said ending with a chuckle.  
“I still owe you a favor though, made up your mind yet on what that will be?” He just shook his head.  
“You will know, when the time is there” And now it was my time to simply nod.  
“Well, let’s grab some dinner then, I don’t know about you but I’m starving”

A few days has passed, I had spent most of that time grading the last tests and papers for my class. I wanted that to be done before the holidays arrived, that way I could spend the last couple of days of the break preparing the new classes. Today I traveled to Diagon Alley and I sure wasn’t the only one there. I guess more people were doing last minute gift shopping on Christmas Eve. Last night I got the urge to buy a few of my coworkers a small gift as a thanks for all their help the last couple of months. I had told Albus that I needed to do some errands, not wanting to spoil the surprise.

I had acquired 3 out of the 4 gifts, Minerva and Albus were the easiest ones. I bought a nice bottle of Scottish Whiskey for the Scottish Woman. For the headmaster I had found the most adorable set of 3 pairs of phoenix themed socks, something I remembered from my meetings with that man when I was younger; he was the happiest with the simplest things. It took me a while to find something for Filius, since I hardly knew the man. Still since he had been a great and friendly help for me since the beginning I felt determined to find him a great gift. I eventually found a dueling robe with details in the colors of his Hogwarts House; Ravenclaw.

I had visited every store around here and still I was clueless on a gift for Severus. Even though I had dressed for the cold snow that was covering every inch of the outside world right now, I was starting to get cold. I stopped in my tracks when I walked across the entry of Knockturn Alley, I knew there was a store there that sold dark and rare objects; I’d been there with my father a few times before my 7th year. After making sure my hood was still covering most of my face, I walked towards the store.

I stepped inside Borgin and Burkes, keeping my hood on just in case the owners would recognize my eyes. My eyes scanned every item that I came across, still not really sure what I was looking for. I was careful not to touch anything, not knowing what some of the objects were capable of; just like my father thought me. I stood in front of a row of old and dusty books and recognized one of them. I had seen a copy, in similar state a couple years ago, not really sure where.

The book described important details of the Dark Arts, not only showing the bad parts. The owner let me borrow the book for a couple of days and it was truly fascinating. Sure the practice and the outcome of Dark Arts are vile and pure evil, the determination and strength required by the witch or wizard was remarkable. It also told about some rare cases that these hexes and potions helped saving innocent lives by exterminating the guilty ones. I saw the price tag and there was no way I was going to pay THAT much for it.

It didn’t take long before one of the owners, who came out of nowhere, walked up to me.  
“Interested in something Miss?” I just pointed towards the book.  
“That’s not what I’m paying for it, if you really want to sell it” I said in a lower tone than I usually talked.  
“That’s a fair price for such a rare book Miss” he insisted and I scoffed.  
“Are you assuming I’m a fool?! Just because a book isn’t published anymore doesn’t make it rare.” I knew it was a rare book, I just refused to pay that amount from someone who probably paid way less for it.

A small silence fell between us for a few seconds, while I still kept my looking towards the book.  
“What did you have in mind?” He asked reluctantly.  
“50%” I simply stated, without moving a muscle.  
“You must be out of your mind!” Clearly insulted by my first offer.  
“Take 40% off. That’s my final bid, take it or I will find it elsewhere” And again silence fell between us, I turned on my heels ready to leave the place. While I made a few steps towards the exit the owner spoke.  
“Deal”

A small grin appeared on my face, as my plan worked out just the way I liked it. I took out the right amount of coins out of a small pouch that hung on my waist. I placed the coins on the shelve underneath it and took the book with me.  
“Thank you” I muttered before leaving the shop, walking in one straight line out of the alley never lifting my head. For once I was grateful that my father took me with him to that place, teaching me how to deal with the greedy owners.

Christmas morning arrived and after an elaborate breakfast with all the students that stayed behind I went back to my room. I sat on the ground in front of the couch putting the final touches on the presents. I looked at them pretty pleased with the wrapping style I picked up in Japan, it gave just the extra touch that I wanted. I looked at the clock and hurried myself back up. I gathered the gifts in a bag and grabbed my coat, scarf and gloves on the way out. After playing Santa I had one last place I needed to go, somewhere I haven’t been in way too long.

I went to Albus his office first giving him his gift, he was flashing me a big smile before I left him so he could unpack his gift. Minerva and Filius were together in the great hall and both were surprised that I got them something. Saying it wasn’t necessary and that they felt a little bad for not having something in return. I reassured them that it was a simple thank you for welcoming me so warmly and all the help they provided with my class. The last person on my list seemed a little harder to find.

I walked in a speedy space through the castle, looking for the man with raven black hair. I had checked his office, classroom and I even knocked on his dorm. I was about to give up for now, and just give it to him tonight; since I was in kind of a rush so I could be back in time for the Christmas feast. That’s when I saw him walking in the hallway.  
“Severus! Wait!” I yelled, he turned around while I ran towards him.  
“You’re a hard man to find” I said with a big smile once I stood in front of him. I reached inside my bag for his gift while he waited there in silence.

With the gift in my hand I looked back up, as always a straight look on his face.  
“A little thanks for all you’ve done for me the last couple months” He raised an eyebrow while accepting the carefully packed gift. Something above his head caught my eye and I realized what it was. I immediately grabbed his arm and pulled him with me while I took a step back. He looked like he was about to yell in my face and I simply pointed towards the growing mistletoe.  
“Magic Mistletoe, you don’t want to get stuck underneath that” I said, with a soft smile.  
“Anyway, Merry Christmas!” I said, before walking towards the main exit in a hurry. Leaving Severus behind, without giving him a chance to say anything.

I stood between the trees on the edge of my destination, I was a little scared and afraid someone kept an eye on this place for my father. After keeping an eye on the place for a good half hour, I didn’t saw any sign of danger. Carefully I made my first steps in the thin layer of snow that covered these grounds. There was a pretty big contrast difference with Hogwarts, since those grounds were completely covered and surrounded by thick layers of the ice cold white. I felt a little lost at first, since the last time I was here I was just 17 years old; still believing the lie my father told me. With the help of Dumbledore I learned the truth during my final year.

I kept my hair and part of my face hidden behind my scarf and underneath the hood of my thick black coat. I felt like I was getting closer, while passing fresh flowers and clean pieces of earth. At the end of this row I found my destination, my eyes burning the closer I got. With one of my gloved hands I wiped away the snow and dirt of the marble while I slowly leaned down.  
“Hey Mom” I muttered while I kept wiping, revealing the script of the tombstone.

_‘A loving wife and mother, left us way to soon’ _

My eyes kept scanning those words, while anger filled inside of me. She didn’t leave us... She was taken away from me, on her own birthday by the hands of my father. My fingers were itching to change those words into the truth, while I tried to fight that urge with all that was inside me.  
“I’m sorry it took me so long to visit you... but I’m here now on your favorite Holiday” My voice was starting to tremble and a huge lump formed in my throat.  
“I’m sorry for calling you a coward, when the man responsible made me believe you had ended it... leaving me alone with him...”

The first tears burned the edges of my eyes, while I looked up for a second trying to keep it all in. My eyes went back down, my hand resting on top of the cold stone. My body trembled and I let myself fall on my knees; immediately soaking my jeans.  
“I should have known from the start you would never do that to me. Please forgive me mom. I know the truth now...” I put my free hand in front of my mouth, muffling the sobs while I let it all out.  
“I miss you so much...” I muttered while I completely broke down, feeling my heart break all over again. Letting every bit of guilt, sadness and anger I had taken with me for all those years finally out.

I leaned my head against the hand that was in contact with the marble while the other went down touching the frozen ground. I closed my eyes, tears still streaming down my face as I tried to remember her warm arms around me. The warm arms that embraced me just before I went back to school after the Holidays. Not knowing it would be the last time she held me like that, the last time I saw her alive. I had send her a letter a day before her birthday and instead of reply from her I got called towards Dumbledore’s office; my father waiting for me there to take me home after he told me she killed herself.

I had lost all hope and just gave in to the wishes of my father. If it weren’t for the headmaster, my life would have been so different right now. I probably would have ended up in the cell next to my father in Azkaban or I would be death as well. After realizing that man had lied to me, Dumbledore agreed to help me finish the plan my mother had for me. On my last day at school, he had asked me if I was sure about leaving; asking me if I wouldn’t stay and fight. I just couldn’t, I was just too afraid of not being strong enough to survive it.

Slowly I felt the cold taking over and I noticed it was getting darker. It took more effort than expected pushing myself of the ground. I stood there looking down at the badly maintained grave for just a moment longer.  
“I’ll come back soon. I love you mom” I said, a small smile appearing on my face for a second, thinking about the next time I planned to visit her. I secured my hood and scarf one last time before taking my time leaving the graveyard. I knew I stayed here way longer than I intended and the feast probably started any minute now. So I was in no rush to return to the castle, besides no matter how much I loved the food that was served; I didn’t feel like eating or be festive anyway.

It was completely dark by the time I got back at Hogwarts and I just went in for a moment to grab something from my room. I did warm and dry my clothes and body when I was in. Even though it was pretty useless since I was already walking outside again. I was walking around every piece of the grounds surrounding the castle, before finally setting on a good spot. I stood next to a big tree close to the frozen black lake. The moon was barely visible, but in combination with the bright white glimmering snow, the view was beautiful.

I leaned my back against the tree while I unfolded the sky lantern that I took out of my room. I always bought one when Christmas was around the corner and when it was almost her birthday. Since my mother had always been my light in this sometimes sick dark world, I lit one every year on these days to honor what she was for me. I started the little flame, staring at it while its warmth filled the fragile paper. It was a pastel blue and purple color, just like my hair, with silver letters spelling out her name.

After letting go of the floating sky lantern I let myself glide down the tree, not caring about the cold snow on the ground as I kept my eyes on the light in front of me soaring higher. I pulled my knees towards my body, letting my head rest on top of it.  
“Merry Christmas, mom” I whispered while watching the small light surrounded by the pitch-black sky. Behind me I heard the snow cracking, letting me know someone was walking towards me, I just didn’t care enough to look back wanting to watch the lantern until it completely disappeared.

“You missed the feast” a low drawl behind me, recognizing who was behind me.  
“I know” I simply stated, my eyes still glued to the sky.  
“You’ll get sick staying out here in the snow like that”  
“I know” I repeated in the same way, as I watched a mere dot in the sky.  
“I just need a little longer,” I whispered, not even sure if he heard me. I guess he did, since he just stood there and stayed silent in this moment. As the lantern had completely disappeared in the night sky, I pushed myself back up; I held on to the tree to stabilize my body.

I looked up and noticed Severus was a lot closer than he sounded, wondering if he came closer when I had some trouble getting up from the frozen snow covered ground.  
“I’m ready to go inside now,” I said with a small smile and he just shook his head. While we made our way back to the castle, I started to notice the toll the cold had taken on my body. I was trembling in my wet clothes and every muscle felt stiff. Once inside I tried to cast the spell to dry myself up, but it didn’t work. I guess my body was too worn out to perform even the simplest form of magic.

Suddenly a wave of warmth covered my body and I saw Severus waving his wand around me.  
“Thank you” I said, revealing a small smile again while a little embarrassed I needed help with that. Walking through the hallways of the castle I noticed how empty it was, I guess I was out longer than I thought. The feast was still going on when I returned, but it would explain why my body was fighting me so much right now. I was a bit curious why Severus was still walking with me, he got me inside; why bother to accompany me towards my dorm.

Was he concerned about me? Or was he simply going to bed as well? We had reached his door first and that was where he stopped. I muttered another thank you and a good night before making my way towards my own door.  
“Warm yourself up or you won’t be able to sleep again” I heard him say behind me. I looked over my shoulder.  
“I will” I said nodding before we both went inside. I hung my coat and scarf on one of my hooks and placed the gloves on the little table next to it.

I walked towards the fireplace and started it, warming up my room. I went straight towards the shower after that, dumping my clothes in the hamper before stepping underneath the running water. Every inch of my body tingled as the warmth of the liquid washed over me and I just stood there waiting for it to go away. With my eyes closed, every image of today passed through my mind, processing everything I had done.

With my hair wrapped in a towel, a long silk bathrobe and my house slippers I walked back towards to warming living room. Just when I was about to sit down, with a drink I poured myself, I heard a soft knock on my door. While checking if my bathrobe was covering all of my body I made my way towards it. I opened the door not seeing anyone and I was confused for a second if I heard it correctly. When I was about to close the door again, I noticed something floating in the air. A silver platter with a rather large piece of chocolate cake and a cup of chocolate pudding.

A huge smile crept on my face as I looked towards Severus’s closed door, something inside me telling that he had something to do with this. I took the plate out of the air and walked back towards my couch and drink; closing the door behind me. I curled up on the couch, covering myself with a big soft fleece blanket while taking small bites of the dessert. My body slowly started to feel normal again, just a bit tired. My stomach was also extremely happy right now, since this was the first thing I ate since breakfast. After taking the last bite, I changed the plate for my glass of fire whiskey and snuggled even deeper underneath the soft warm fabric gazing at the burning fire in front of me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! For the people curious about the song I used in chapter two (In case you didn't already guess it) I have updated that chapter and at the end you will find two links. Since I imagined the song a little different than the original is.  
Hope you all like how the story is going so far! I was really glad when this story got its first comment, can't wait to read more!


	7. A Furry Problem

The rest of the holidays flew by insanely fast and went nice and peaceful. All the students had returned from their homes; filling the castle with all kinds of noises. Even though I had enjoyed the serenity from those two weeks, it pleased me to see all those smiling faces again. The responses I got to my presents had given me a warm feeling and reassurance that I chose the right gifts. Albus had flashed me wearing his socks when he passed me by in the hallway; which made me almost trip over laughing.  
  
Minerva had complemented me on my exquisite taste, saying she had enjoyed a few glasses so far and inviting me to join her sometime. Filius had proudly described how he had displayed his new robe in his office, before pulling me into his office and showed me. Severus was the only one who didn’t tell of show me anything regarding his gift. It’s not that I was desperately waiting on these responses, I still was kind of curious if I had made the right choice. I mean who doesn’t want to know what people think of the gifts you got them? 

Classes had resumed and another full day has passed. I had greeted almost everyone that crossed my way towards my destination. I had a small smile on my face while I made my way to a certain office, holding a small parcel in my hand. Hardly anyone seems to know, or care, what day it was. Sure the man himself didn’t want this kind of attention nor was he very popular among the students, still I wondered if I was the only one to know, besides Dumbledore and the other teachers. I softly knocked on the door and waited patiently for a sign I could enter. I knew he had to be in his office, since it was kind of routine for him to retreat there after classes before dinner.

I softly closed the door behind me after hearing I had permission to enter. Severus sat in the spot I had expected him to be; behind his desk, surrounded by all kinds of paperwork.  
“Can I help you?” he drawled like usual not looking up from his work.  
“Well the last time I was in here, I had noticed something” I spoke while walking closer to his desk. Severus stayed silent, waiting for me to further explain myself. I dropped the parcel on the parchment that he currently was working on. Slowly he raised his head, raising one eyebrow slightly irritated by my action. I placed my hands on the edge of his desk while I leaned in, a small grin growing on my face.

“This needs to be renewed” I said pulling the quill out of his fingers and he looked at me as if he was going to explode. I simply nodded towards the slender parcel, before pushing it even closer towards him.  
“Open it” I sad smiling towards him, trying to contain my excitement. He rolled his eyes before snatching it from the table. While he was unpacking I had noticed something on his desk, currently a little concealed by his work. I recognized it immediately and it only made my smile grow bigger before looking back at him again. A dark colored quill with silver tip was revealed and he examined it for a second, before dipping it in his ink and trying it out.

“Anything else?” He asked in his monotone voice, clearly liking the way it wrote since he returned to his work.  
“This was all” I said getting the hint.  
“I will let you get back to work and I will see you at dinner” I said still smiling, even though he didn’t look up. I turned on my heels and made my way to the door. My hand rested on the doorknob and I looked over my shoulder back to the long black haired man.  
“Oh, Severus?” I spoke, staying silent until he looked up from his work.  
“Happy Birthday” I gave him a warm smile before leaving him alone in his office again.

That smile stayed on my face while I walked through the halls. Even though he hasn’t told me he liked my Christmas gift yet, seeing it lying on his desk gave me a good feeling. Sure just because it was there right in front of him, didn’t mean he had read it yet or that he really liked it. He didn’t throw it away or left it somewhere in a corner collecting dust. Perhaps someday I will catch him reading it and I could ask his thoughts on the book. Maybe he had a different view or discovered something I didn’t notice when I had read it many years ago. The more I thought about it, the more curious I got for his thoughts on the matter.

More than a month passed in a heartbeat and everyone and everything had fallen back in routine. My classes still went great and the students were still eager to learn more from me. That feeling of standing in front of those children listening to my every word was indescribable. Pride filling me every time one of them achieved something due to my teaching. The music classes where a whole different story, the more lessons I had assisted with, the more my fingers itched to intervene. It took quite some inner strength to keep silent in the back following Professors Humphry’s directions.

He did mention that he was seriously considering retiring after this school year and I selfishly wished he was going to do that. Outside of the classroom he was a nice man, but inside I was getting really irritated by him pushing down the creativeness of the kids. Sometimes I just wanted to yell at him to shut up and ask what they wanted to play. Due to the fact I was only assisting him, I held back and kept all the frustration inside. Waiting for the moment I get to teach this class myself.

Today the whole castle had a different vibe than usual. Everywhere you looked, throughout the hallways, couples seemed to pop out of thin air. Secret crushes being revealed; some accepted and reciprocated, some rejected in a friendly way and some rejected the hard way. Others were simply celebrating their relationships. Valentine’s Day. A day of love and heartbreak. A day filled with mixed emotions and memories for me, since February 14th also happened to be my birthday.

In my student’s days, there were a few very awkward occasions. Receiving gifts from some boys who apparently liked me. After telling them I wasn’t interested, they started babbling about how it was just a little something for my birthday. It also used to be days filled with jealousy and sometimes even hatred. Girls whispering or glaring due to the amount of attention and gifts were coming my way. Even though most really were birthday presents and wishes, with no ulterior motives.

As far as I knew, the only person that knew today was my birthday was Albus. I was intending to keep it that way, not wanting to repeat my student years. Although the people I spent the most time with were adults. I just didn’t want anything weird or more awkward moments happening today. I was perfectly content with treating this day as just a romantic holiday, since I never really cared for my birthday anyway. The presents and all the other hassle felt somewhat unwelcome. Perhaps it was because of my past experiences; maybe everything would have been different if I was born on a normal date.

My robe was hanging on my chair, my hair in a partially braided ponytail; like I wore it most of my time during the week; I sat on top of my desk with my legs crossed. 20 eager fifth years hanging on my every word, while trying to write down as much as they could. Introducing one of the many things they could encounter in all types of duels.  
“There is one factor that most people forget about. Simply because most of them never truly think about the possibility or because they haven’t encountered something similar” I said leaving a small pause, looking at every student for a moment before continuing fluently in Japanese.

The moment they realized I was speaking a different language all their heads shot up and stared at me with open mouths. I chuckled at their reactions, achieving my goal.  
“To repeat what I just said. I have lived in Japan for 5 years before coming back here. So it was mandatory for me to learn the language” I said pushing myself of my desk, landing smoothly on my high stiletto boots. I wasn’t a really tall woman with my 5’6”, I started wearing high heels somewhere in my teens. Now the only flats I owned where my house slippers and a pair of sneakers I hardly use. All my heels were at least 4 inches, loving the way it made me feel.

Without them I felt so small and fragile, but as soon as I put them on I felt graceful and more powerful. I’ve been walking in heels for so long that it felt perfectly normal to me, being able to do what most people can only do in flats like running. The clicking of the stilettos was the only thing audible while I made my way to the middle of my classroom.  
“Most of you probably won’t have to deal with witches or wizards who speak another language. Still I believe it is important that you know what to do if you will face an opponent from another country or just someone like me with a trick up their sleeve” I neatly folded my hands in front of me while I kept scanning the room. 

“Now I won’t be teaching you all these different languages nor will I expect you do to it in your free time on your own” I noticed a few relieved faces here and there.  
“I will however show you some tips and tricks on how to deal with them if needed. How you can predict someone’s spells by their body language, so you will know how to respond” I heard them scribbling again, as I continued.  
“Some will be very good at hiding their motives, but only a few will be able to hide those secrets in their eyes. It takes a lot of experience and discipline to hide everything, as sometimes the body has a mind of its own in the heat of a battle”

I had demonstrated to everyone a few spells in multiple languages, showing them they all had something in common. Telling them the important details to look for when facing these situations. I had used my wand for the demonstrations, not wanting to confuse them even more. Wandless magic was something I wanted to explore deeper in their sixth year. I had moved around quite a lot during the lesson and I ended up leaning against my desk.  
“So that was that for right now, next week we’ll go deeper into this subject. Any questions for right now?” A few hands immediately going high and I just pointed at someone.  
  
“How many languages do you speak?” He asked hesitantly and I chuckled once again.  
“Let me think…” I said as I crossed my arms in front of me.  
“I think it’s safe to say that Japanese is my second language. Due to my obsession with Asian cultures I understand Korean and different dialects of Chinese as well. I manage okay with French, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. I also know a little Russian…. So including English that would add up to about 9 I guess” Once again mouth’s dropped and I felt a little blush creeping up my face.  
  
“The benefits of traveling for 10 years I guess” I said modestly. I answered a few more questions after that, some about the lesson some about my travels. Not having enough time to go into details, plus not really wanting to reveal too much, I kept it short. Promising that one day, when we had more time, I would tell more about some of my adventures. Slightly enjoying the admiration from the students and after telling them all of this the admiration was kind of expected. I had stayed behind in my classroom for a while, waiting for dinnertime, keeping myself busy with lesson plans for next week.

At dinnertime I wasn’t quite as cheerful as I was during Halloween, the 2nd day of Christmas or New Years, but thankfully nobody really seemed to notice. Or so I thought.  
“Not feeling like celebrating love?” A low drawl came from next to me, probably only audible for me.  
“Not every holiday is special” I simply stated as I continued to eat.  
“Do I detect a woman scorned?” I could hear the slight tease in his voice, trying to get a certain reaction out of me.  
“Not at all. Like I said, not every holiday is special that’s all” I spoke in the same simple way.

A couple days had passed and I was thankful that the last couple of hours of my birthday went by quite like the rest of the day, the same as the next days. It was Monday now, most students leaving for their first lesson of the week after lunch. I was leaning against the teacher table as Severus stood in front of me, discussing the Quidditch match from last weekend. Slytherin had crushed the Ravenclaw team, in the same way they had done with Gryffindor.

Talks about Quidditch came easier now that I knew a little more about the sport, although Severus still needed to explain a few things to me. Our conversation got interrupted by our silver haired headmaster.  
“Ah, Alyssa.. I’m glad that you’re still here. I remembered this morning that I totally forgot to give you this” He pulled out a little messy wrapped package out of his robes, clearly indicating that it has been in his pocket for a couple of days.  
“Better late than never, Happy Birthday” He said winking; a deep red blush covered my face as he spoke and I quickly took the present out of his hand.

“Thank you, but that really wasn’t necessary,” I said, trying my best to hide the embarrassment that just hit me in my face out of nowhere. Severus had raised one of his eyebrows slightly at the little scene that just happened in front of him.  
“Besides, it’s no big deal you forgot. I don’t really care about it anyway. Again thank you, even though you didn’t have to” I said smiling towards Albus.  
“How could they..”  
“Seriously it’s no big deal” I interrupted the man, hoping he would get the hint.  
“If you say so” He said, revealing a small grin.  
  
“A hint, it’s similar to what you gave me for Christmas” He said proudly smiling before walking away, I felt relieved he understood me. Curious to what he got me, I opened the package and started laughing.  
“Socks?” Severus drawled, not getting what was so funny.  
“I gave him some for Christmas” I said looking at the different styled musical themed over the knee socks in my hand.  
“Again... Socks?” He said still not understanding any of it.  
“Yeah well it was the best thing to give a man who probably has everything already” I said shrugging.  
  
“Besides… He enjoys the simplest things” I said smiling towards the socks before stuffing them into my pockets of my robes, quickly checking around if nobody besides Severus had heard the conversation.  
“Afraid people will find out?” This time his eyebrow rose a little further, as I felt his eyes trying to read me.  
“I just don’t like the attention you get on a birthday” I said shrugging hoping he would buy the excuse.  
“Anyway... How was it obvious again that the Ravenclaw team never stood a change?” I asked, returning to the topic we spoke about before Albus had intervened.

Again relieved me changing the subject worked and Severus simply went back to explaining. Although he still seemed to try and read me. I just hoped he wouldn’t figure it out yet and another secret of mine would still be safe. We kept talking until Severus had to leave for his first class of the day. Since I had no classes on Monday, I went back to my office grading essays I had received before the weekend.

Once I arrived in the dungeons at my office door, I noticed something hanging on the doorknob. It was a small bag and there was a note attached to it.  
_‘Thank you for bringing this class to us. You are an amazing teacher’  
_My cheeks burnt up a little reading it and I just couldn’t help but smile. I took the bag from the doorknob and brought it with me inside. I sat down behind my desk and took out the essays from the drawer.

I grabbed the first one and leaned back a little while I started reading it. I had crossed my legs, but my attention kept slipping back to the little pouch in front of me. I laid the essay down and snatched it from the desk. The bag was filled with chocolates and they looked absolutely delicious. I popped one in my mouth before putting the rest back on the desk, returning back to my work. I had finished a few papers and ate a few more chocolates while doing that.

A sudden shudder went through my whole body and I wondered where that came from. After sitting completely still for a few seconds, I resumed to my work. Another shudder followed and after that a few more and the next moment my vision got a little blurry. I threw the essay on my desk as I tried to focus my eyes, hoping my vision would clear. A tingling went through my arms towards my hands getting the strongest in my fingertips. I held out my hands in front of me and tried my best to focus on seeing clear.

My mouth dropped as I my fingernails grew longer and thinner, ending in a sharp point. Totally confused on what was happening to me right now I just stared at my new claws. I got taken out of my trail of thoughts when suddenly my ears started burning and a pressure on top of my head started to increase. I covered my hands over my ears and felt them disappearing, which made me panic a little. Still I could hear the clock that was in my office. Slowly my hands traveled to the top of my head and my mouth dropped even further when I felt something.

Furry and pointy ears where now on top of my head, but I didn’t have much time to think about them before feeling a nasty sting just above my butt. I jumped off from my seat while the sting got worse and it felt like something was coming out of me. I clutched my hands on the edge off the desk until the sting was gone. Hesitantly one of my hands went under my robe and found something soft and hairy. I slowly turned my head as my fingers trailed the whole length.

Looking down I saw a soft pink tail and I was stunned. I leaned down to the lowest drawer and took a small hand mirror out of it. I reluctantly held it higher and looked at myself; my eyes had changed form and looked like the ones from a cat just with my color. I carefully turned my head and saw the pointy ears with the same colored fur as the tail. My mouth was still open as I tried to wrap my brain about what just happened.

I touched the ears again, making me realize this was real. I slowly sat back in my chair, my mind going crazy with all the changes my body just made. How on earth did this just happen out of the blue? I laid the mirror facing down on the desk and my eyes lingered to the little bag of chocolates. A soft scoff escaped my lips, realizing those were the cause. I shook my head at my foolishness for eating those things without even thinking twice. That little pouch was left at my door as a prank and I completely fell for it.

A small grin appeared on my face, pretty sure on who did this. I stood up and covered my new ears with the hood of my robe, thankful that it was long enough to also cover my tail. I walked towards the door hiding my hands inside my sleeves after leaving my classroom. I looked around, seeing something disappear around the corner. I ran towards the corner and saw two students running away, hoping to escape.  
“Stop it right there!” I yelled and the boys froze on the spot.  
“My office... Now” I sneered and the boys nervously came walking back their heads hanging low.

I walked behind the duo as we walked back towards my office and let them in. They boys sat down on the smaller chairs in front of my desk and I closed my door rather forcefully. I wasn’t really that mad at the boys, it was a good prank I had to admit, but I was going to make them sweat.  
“Do you have any idea in what kind of trouble you two are right now?” I asked sternly as I walked towards my spot. I sat down, keeping a straight posture and took off my hood before folding my hands on top of my desk.

“Look at me” I drawled and the red haired boys hesitantly looked up. I noticed they had real trouble not to burst into laughter and I slammed my fist on my desk.  
“You think this is funny? Do you even understand the consequences of pulling stunts like this on people? Especially teachers?!” I said rising up and leaning towards them, looking at them with anger in my eyes. Their heads went a little lower at the tone of my voice.  
“Bet you thought you wouldn’t get caught?” I asked looking at the twins in front of me. I slowly sat down again as the two boys started apologizing.  
  
“Can you imagine what McGonagall will do to you IF she finds out about this?” I asked next, really emphasizing the word if. Fred and George looked a little confused at each other for a second before looking back towards me. A small grin formed on my face, seeing the confusion written all over their young faces.  
“I have to compliment you boys, this is some pretty advanced stuff you pulled off, but I believe something didn’t go the way you wanted. Seeing as the color you gave my fur is pretty flattering on me. I imagine you were going for a brighter shade of pink, am I wrong?” I spoke and leaned back in my chair. The twins looked a little stunned by my reaction, mouth slightly open as they nodded.

“Alright, prank well done. Just tell me something. How long will this last?” I asked.  
“A couple hours” One of them softly admitted.  
“Maybe 3 or 4?” The other added and I simply nodded.  
“Just like I said on our first meeting, be very relieved it was me. Although I guess you chose me because I’m new here, am I correct?” And again the two nodded.  
“I won’t mention it to McGonagall or Dumbledore this time, but I won’t go easy on you two if you decide to pull something like this again, understood?”  
“Yes Ma’am” They said in unison, ready to leave.  
  
“For the next month you will help me clean my classroom after dinner” They nodded.  
“Seems fair” they replied together and I smiled.  
“Now get out, before I change my mind about you” I said waving them out of my office. The boys practically ran out of there and I just sat there shaking my head. If it had been someone else, I probably wouldn’t have been this easy. Somehow I had a soft spot for these troublemakers.  
  
I’ve heard stories, seen them in action sometimes among other students. They pranked whenever they could, but I also noticed they never went as far as really bullying someone. They just wanted to have fun and most of their stuff was pretty amusing to watch. I locked my door from my seat and kicked off my boots. I threw my legs up my desk while grabbing the essay I was grading before I partially turned into a pastel pink cat.

This prank was a little eye opener for me honestly. It made me realize I had become way to comfortable in this place. Sure this had been a perfectly innocent joke, it could have been so much more dangerous. I really needed to be more careful with things, like during the holidays I had just assumed the cake and pudding floating outside my bedroom came from Severus. While it could have been from someone else, what if someone did saw me on the graveyard that day and had followed me back to the castle.

At first I had planned to stay in my office and hide the effects of the prank, but I somehow wanted to show that it didn’t faze me. I already told the twins they pulled a good one on me, but a part of me wanted to match my words with actions. I put my boots back on, put away all the graded papers and got up from my seat to walk towards to great hall for dinner. I unlocked the door before even reaching it and threw my robe on my couch before stepping out of my office.

I wanted to show the whole ‘new’ me and that included the tail hidden by the robe. In the corner of my eye I saw the tip of the pastel pink tail up straight and I held my head up high. A joyful grin grew on my face as I passed students whose jaws dropped nearly to the ground as I passed them. Sounds of shock and whispers where surrounding me and honestly I loved every second of it. I reached the huge doors of the Great Hall and Albus stopped walking as soon as he saw me.

A little confused, but smiling anyway, he looked at me as I closed in.  
“Twins” I simply shrugged and my grin grew even more. A small chuckle escaped the man’s lips, followed by a knowing nod. We entered the hall together and once again all the eyes turned towards me. I also noticed the proud smiles on the culprits and I winked at them. Even the teachers already gathered looked at me for a second, but I just sat down as if everything was perfectly normal.

During dinner I still felt eyes burning on me and saw multiple people huddled together. I knew even some teachers were dying to ask me what happened, but I guess they didn’t know how to approach the topic. Until one did, the black haired man next to me.  
“What happened?” He drawled bluntly and I kept my eyes on my plate, knowing every ear at the table was listening in.  
“Just ate some bad chocolates” I simply stated, continuing to eat like this thing happened daily in the wizarding world. I swear I could hear Albus nearly choke on his bite at my comment and that only added in my enjoyment for my choice to come out of my office.

Dinner ended and I just knew there were still plenty of people curious on the whole story behind my pink cat appearance. I never gave it ofcourse; I just went back to my office wanting to read over my lesson plan for tomorrow. As I sat on my couch going over the document, I had been interrupted by a knock. Two red haired boys entered, curious if the effects still lasted. They had stayed for a while and we talked about all kinds of subjects. Their family, what they wanted to become after graduation, but mostly we talked about all the shenanigans they have pulled so far. They also slipped in their plan to apply for my class, which made me curious on how they would do on my test.

By the time I was back to normal it was also time for the twins to go to their dorms. Feeling pretty tired after the day I had, I planned to do the same. Even though my body was back to its usual form I could still lightly feel the long tail and pointy ears and it felt weird as hell. Completely drowned in my own thoughts I had crossed someone on my way towards my door.

“Back to your old self, I see” I jumped a little hearing the voice behind me. I turned around and met the owner of that voice, his arms crossed in front of his chest.  
“Wait here” He ordered and he left me a little confused in the hallway while he went into his dorm. He came out holding a narrow sturdy plastic bag and he held it out for me. I hesitantly accepted it and I took out its content. It revealed a bottle of Juyondai, a high sought-after Japanese brand of sake. It was actually one of my favorites after falling in love with the drink when I lived there.

“Thank you!” I said smiling, still wondering how he could know about this brand. Did I slip it in a conversation at one point? Did I talk about it with someone else and he simply overheard it? Or did he just have a lucky guess? Since he knew I lived in Japan and I knew for sure he heard me talk about sake at the dinner table with others.  
“This is actually one of my favorites” I said looking at the bottle, before putting it back in the bag and looked up to him. Pride covered his face for a moment.  
  
I bowed slightly with my head, before wanting to turn around towards my own dorm.  
“So Valentine’s Day, huh?” He said out of nowhere and I raised my brow, wondering where he was going with this.  
“Don’t like the attention?” He asked, hinting towards the conversation we had this afternoon.  
“How?” I asked, not sure how he figured it out.

“The way you acted that day, the way you desperately tried to make Albus stop talking. I wasn’t sure, until now” He said, making me realize I had fallen for his trap. Damn I really needed to be more alert, seeing as this is the third thing that caught me off guard today.  
“I would really appreciate it if you kept that information to yourself” I said, hoping he would honor my wishes.  
“We’ll see about that” He drawled, before moving towards his door.  
  
“You seemed to keep your birthday hidden as well” I spat out which made him stop dead in his tracks.  
“I won’t tell yours… if you won’t tell mine” I said a grin plastered on my face, this conversation bringing me back to how I started a friendship with someone in my student years. He slowly turned back towards me and nodded.  
“Deal” A victorious smile covered my face as I walked backwards to my door.  
“Thank you again for a delicious gift. Goodnight Severus” I said, turning around.  
“Goodnight…. Alyssa”


	8. Lost in the Darkness

I sat on the edge of my bed, clothed and ready to leave the castle. I had talked about it with Albus in my first week; today would be a day off for me. A day that used to be a celebratory day, was a day of mourning for me for years now. I was going to visit her again today, just like Christmas; this would be the first time on this very day since the funeral. I somehow was nervous about this, so now I was gathering all my strength. I had chosen not to attend breakfast; I had something delivered at my dorm, not really feeling like being in a crowd today.

I looked at the clock and lunchtime was about to start. Honestly I thought I would be at the graveyard right now. While sitting here I had thought about how fast the last couple months of this school year had flown by. That night that Severus had given me that bottle of sake was the only night he had called me by my first name and I was a little annoyed with that. After he said that I had hoped he would continue with that, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Seriously what does it take to get on a first name base with that guy?

I also felt kind of sad there were only 2 weeks left of this year, I had grown very fondly of all my students and I hated that I already had to say goodbye to a few of them. I really needed to toughen up if I wanted to survive the ones that I would actually teach for 3 years. Applications were already in for the next year and they would take the test in a few days. Thankfully I had more time to grade them and this time I had a system right from the start.

I had also been busy for the last weeks with a search for a place to live during the big summer break. I knew some stayed here at the castle, but I didn’t feel comfortable with that. I wanted my own place, a second home to return to. Since I blew a hole in my emergency fund with some of my elaborate Christmas gifts, my options were limited. Still I didn’t regret buying them for even a second.

I looked back up at the clock again, letting out a deep breath. I really needed to get moving now, if I wanted to spend some time with her today. I pushed myself of the bed and put on my coat before leaving my dorm. I used one of the hidden passages I had discovered in my student years, to avoid any stray students or teachers that didn’t have class right now. It was a narrow and dark path and I was happy to see light glowing at the end of it. This passage way came out at the side of the castle, not frequently visited by others.

I pulled the hood over my head; ready to leave the property so I could apparate to my mother’s final resting place.  
“Alyssa” I stood frozen to the ground hearing a familiar voice say my name. I slowly turned around, facing the headmaster and I didn’t like the look on his face.  
“I’m sad to inform you that you can’t go there” My head started spinning hearing those words, my mouth fell open, but no words came out.  
“Your last visit hasn’t gone by unnoticed and your father’s friends are keeping a close eye there now. If you go now, I can no longer guarantee your identity a secret. Nor can I guarantee your safety”

My eyes drifted to nowhere specifically as I fell completely numb. We stood there for a silent moment, neither of us moving. I slightly nodded as the reality of the situation sunk down.  
“I’m very sorry I cannot help you” With those words he left wherever he came from, leaving me alone standing still like a statue. The numbness faded slowly as all kinds of emotions took over. Disappointment that I couldn’t visit my mom on her birthday and anniversary. Immense sadness for that same reason. Anger that the most powerful wizard in this world dropped this bomb on me and said he couldn’t do anything for me.

I started to wonder if it was more a matter of wouldn’t instead of couldn’t. I mean if he knew about the activity on that graveyard, why couldn’t he have figured out a way for me to still go there undetected. Hate was the next emotion to come up, hatred for those that prevented me to spent this day as close as I possibly could with her. The wind blew the hood of my head and still I moved no muscle. I felt utterly defeated right now and I wished Albus had told me sooner, before I got my hopes up.

I bald my fists as I tried to control every single feeling inside of me, preventing from coming out to the surface. Where do I go now? I didn’t want to be cooped up in my room all day, nor was it an option to retreat to my office; knowing I couldn’t focus on any work now. The castle was too busy, plus the music room wouldn’t be free until tonight. The spot at the black lake where I let up the lantern at Christmas was too much in sight during the day, so that wasn’t an option either. I have nowhere to go now...

I fought every urge to burst out in tears right now, not wanting to risk anyone seeing me break down. I just started walking, destination unknown. I had walked near the edges of the property, passed the Whomping Willow and had dangerously strolled on the edge of the forbidden forest. At some point I reached some higher ground. I walked towards the edge and looked at the castle from the distance. My eyes trailed down towards the black lake that reflected the castle slightly. My toes were almost over the edge of the cliff and I knew that one slip would make me fall down.

Right now, I didn’t care though. I felt the wind blowing harshly around me, covering my face with my hair every now and then. Being on that edge gave me a strange sense of adrenaline and it was a welcome emotion to all the darkness that was inside me right now. I looked up towards the bright blue sky and I wished it were dark so I could look at the stars; imagining one of them was my mother. While keeping my eyes up high, I took a few steps back and sat down on the rock I had passed walking towards the edge. I let my head fall into my hands for a moment before running my fingers through my hair.

I looked in front of me again; it wasn’t like this day was any different from all the years before. I never was able to visit her in the past decade, but something was different this time. After my visit during the holidays, I had gotten my hopes up that I could do it again today. I was stupid and naïve for thinking I could go there whenever I pleased. Of course my presence at the graveyard was noticed, I cleaned her damn headstone for god’s sake. Man did I feel stupid right now for doing that, or for the fact that I didn’t cover it back up before leaving.

If I had done that, maybe there would be no danger for me and Albus would have let me go. I still was pissed at that man for not telling me sooner. Obviously he knew that I went there on Christmas day and he knew exactly why I wanted today off, so why did that bastard not tell me sooner? Why wait and drop this bomb on an already highly emotional day? Not that it wouldn’t have hurt any less hearing that news, it would just have given me the opportunity to plan something else today. So that I wasn’t roaming the grounds like a zombie, like I did right now.

I was rubbing my hands while all these thoughts went through me and were slowly driving me to insanity. I hated feeling like this, feeling stuck in a situation I can’t get out. Irritated by myself for not seeing a solution for my problem. I pushed myself off the rock and started pacing, trying to shake off all of that was slowly suffocating me. I walked towards the edge again and just started screaming hoping to release everything. I screamed at the top of my lungs, sometimes screaming my mother’s name.

I let myself fall on my knees slightly out of breath, my eyes burning. As the first tears fell I covered my face and just let it all out. I was thankful for the fact that I was alone right now, so no one could see me in this weak state. There was a small possibility that someone that was outside could have heard me in the distance, but there was no way they could know it was me. I slammed my fists against the ground, while I was crying my eyes out. I screamed one last time and I started staring at nothing in particular as tears still streamed down my face.

I had sat at that spot, in that same way for I don’t know how long, when I noticed it was suddenly very dark around me. Damn, I must have been here for hours by now. I still wasn’t hungry though; I could never eat on this day for some reason. Hell I didn’t even finish my breakfast this morning; the plate was still half full in my dorm right now. I pushed myself off the ground, deciding to go back to the castle. By now the music room would be empty and I needed to surround myself with the love I shared with my mother.

I used the same hidden passageway to get back in and used a few more to get to the music room. I laid my ear on the door, first wanting to be sure no one was in there. When I heard nothing I carefully opened the door and was greeted with a dark and empty classroom. I quickly closed the door behind me and this time I locked it as well; not wanting to repeat what happened in the beginning of this year.

I had spent so much time in this classroom, but this was only my second time being here alone and just for myself. I walked straight towards the piano, but this time I left it covered. I sat down on the bench and looked towards the guitars. I knew which song I wanted to sing right now, I sung it for the last couple of years on this very day. This was the first time though I could add some instruments to it. I cast my mother’s spell and within seconds the guitars started playing.

_“My hope is on fire  
My dreams are for sale  
I dance on a wire  
I don’t want to fail her  
  
I walk against the stream  
Far from what I believe in  
I run towards the end  
Trying not to give in  
  
She’s lost in the darkness  
Fading away  
I’m still around here  
Screaming her name  
She’s haunting my dream world  
Trying to survive  
My heart is frozen  
I’m losing my mind  
  
Help me, I’m buried alive  
Buried alive_  
_  
I’m burning the bridges  
And there’s no return  
I’m trying to reach her  
I feel that she yearns  
  
I walk against the stream  
Far from what I believe in  
I run towards the end  
Trying not to give in  
  
She’s lost in the darkness  
Fading away  
I’m still around here  
Screaming her name  
She’s haunting my dream world  
Trying to survive  
My heart is frozen  
I’m losing my mind  
  
Help me, I’m buried alive  
Buried alive  
  
_The first tears fell and I heard the tremble in my own voice, but right now I wasn’t going for a perfect performance, I wanted to sing out my feelings.  
_  
I tried to revive what’s already drowned  
They think I’m a fool  
Can’t realize,  
Hope plays a wicked game with the mind  
‘Cause I thought that love would bind  
I cannot revive what’s already drowned  
She won’t come around  
_  
While the guitars played, I was preparing myself for the last part as my crying got worse by the second. I had my eyes closed, in a failed attempt to stop the tears.  
_  
She’s lost in the darkness  
Fading away  
I’m still around here  
Screaming her name  
She’s haunting my dreamworld  
Trying to survive  
My heart is frozen  
I’m losing my mind  
  
Help me, I’m buried alive  
Buried alive  
_  
I opened my eyes as the last notes on the guitar played, feeling a little relieved to get it out this way. My head shot up when I thought I heard footsteps, but when nothing happened at the door, I decided to ignore it. It was probably just my slightly paranoid imagination. I sat still for just a few seconds, embracing the total silence around me. I took out the small pocket mirror I put in my coat this morning and checked my make-up. I was grateful I was smart enough to use waterproof, as the damage wasn’t as bad as I expected.

I fixed a few little smudges and I ran my fingers through my hair to make it look less messy. I took a deep breath, getting ready for my trip back to my dorm. I just hoped the hallway towards the hidden passage was clear, just like on my way in and if I did ran in to someone they wouldn’t notice my red puffy eyes. My hand lingered above the doorknob for a second while I let out a heavy breath. I unlocked it and left the classroom.

I kept my head low and a pretty quick pace wanting to get to my room unseen. Just when I was about to make a turn I noticed someone standing still. He was walking in the same direction as me, which could have meant the footsteps I heard inside had belonged to him. Severus and I made eye contact for a moment, before I simply nodded towards him. I forced a small smile on my face while I kept walking, not feeling like a conversation right now. I used the normal path, since I didn’t want him to see my sneaking routes for some reason.

As soon I was out of his sight, I used the hidden passage again, really not wanting to run into other colleagues that would start asking questions. I had no idea if Albus had told the rest of the staff that I would be absent today, I guess he would have, but would he have told the reason behind it? Since I had no interest in finding that out, I was happy I made it back to my dorm unseen. I leaned against the closed door, realizing I must have walked faster that I had intended since I was slightly out of breath.

I took of my coat, hanging it near the door before taking of my boots placing them underneath it. While braiding my hair I walked towards my fireplace, turning it on. I let myself fall on the couch and looked at my breakfast plate on the table. I grabbed a piece of dried out toast, but threw it back on the plate as I felt my stomach lock itself after taking one bite. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes enjoying the heat that came from the fire.

I was in a light slumber, when I heard something. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around me. There was the sound again, this time I recognized it as a knock on my door. I looked towards the clock, before looking towards my door; wondering who came to visit me this late. Again there was a knock, this time louder. I lounged myself from the couch with a big sigh, guessing that whoever was on the other side wasn’t giving up. I was a little surprised on who I saw on the other side and I didn’t really know what to say.

Without saying a word he walked passed me, he looked around for a second, before taking two glasses from an open cupboard. I just watched him as confusion was all over my face, still holding the open door. He walked towards my couch and placed the glasses down. He then filled them with some liquid, placing the bottle on the table after. I slowly closed the door as he sat down taking a glass of fire whiskey from the table.

Still a little confused on what he was doing here, I hesitantly walked back towards the couch. Sure I had done the same thing for him on Hallowe’en, but I knew (eventually) what that day would have meant for him. I never told him about this day and it made me wonder if Albus did. Which only made more questions pop up in my head. Did Albus just tell Severus? And did that mean that Severus had asked about where I was today? Since I thought it highly unlikely that Albus just told him that randomly. It also brought back the question about the footsteps I heard. Was it possible he heard me and assumed I was feeling sad and wanted to repay the favor?

My hand lingered on the edge of the couch as I looked towards the potions master. He sat there casually, one leg over the other, sipping out of his glass while staring towards the fire. I slowly sat down next to him, keeping my eyes on him and grabbed the other glass. I took a sip, slowly averting my eyes to the fire as well. It felt a little awkward him being in here, nobody besides me had ever been in here. It’s not that I didn’t want him here; I liked hanging out with him. I just imagined the first time him visiting me here differently, mostly me in a better mood.

After the first glass, I felt more relaxed and I let him refill it after refilling his own. Just like the night in his office, no word was said. I honestly didn’t know what to say and he just kept staring into the fire, I guess he didn’t know either. Still the longer he was here, the less awkward it felt. It actually felt quite nice having some company, even the silent one. Did he felt the same way, when I was there for him? I always knew he wasn’t a man of words, but still I never expected him to come here tonight as well. Could I take this as a sign of our growing friendship? Or did he felt obligated to do it? Returning the favor? An answer I will probably not get any time soon, I feared. The evening continued like this, until somewhere far past midnight Severus had returned to his room and I fell asleep on the couch afterwards.

The last two weeks went by in a heartbeat and I felt kind of sad that this year was over already. The 7th years that I had in my class all came up to me, thanking for introducing this to them. Also expressing that they wished they could have followed the full course. I had said my goodbyes to the other staff members and most us went our own way. Right now I was staying in a small hotel room, which was filled with personal belongings. Today I was going to look at a house that Albus recommended for me.

It was in the muggle town Cokeworth, I’ve never been here before though it sounded a little familiar. Not that I saw much from England except my own childhood home. I mean I grew up in a pretty large mansion and we were either at friends of my parents or they were at ours. I had always been around rich people, but I never really cared for the money. Sure it came in handy sometime and I always had the newest stuff, but I would trade that all in a heartbeat if that meant growing up in a poor but happy family.

I grabbed the map of the town, before leaving the Railview Hotel. I didn’t want to waste any money on a cab, so I had decided to walk. Besides walking was a good way of getting to know the town a little better. It didn’t took me long to notice that every street looked pretty much the same, which made it very confusing and made me very happy I brought a map. There was just one thing I didn’t count on and that was the gathering of dark clouds above my head. After the first raindrops fell, I regretted not bringing an umbrella.

I pulled the hood of my coat over my head, but it started to pour down so hard that my coat was drenched. The paper map in my hand got soaked in seconds and was worthless now. I didn’t want to risk using magic and be seen by muggles so I threw it away. In the pouring rain I kept on walking, hoping that I remembered the right street and the streets around them properly. I felt the water leak through my coat and I really cursed myself right now for leaving my umbrella at the hotel. I didn’t want to go back to hotel because I had been so far in to the town already and I didn’t want to travel all this distance more than necessary. 

The rain softened, not that it mattered since I was soaking wet already, when I came across a street sign that sounded really familiar.  
‘Spinner’s End’  
It wasn’t the street I was supposed to be, but it still felt so familiar. I stood there debating whether to go on guessing my way to the appointment or go look for some help here. I chose the latter.

I knocked on several doors, not getting any responses, still I wasn’t ready to give up yet. I was just glad I always planned ahead so I would have enough time to get to my appointments even if there was a delay of some sort. The combination of the wet clothes that clung to my body and nobody answering their door made me pretty frustrated. I was at the last house on the street and let out a sigh as I knocked on the door, not expecting an answer as well. A splash of hope came over me as I heard footsteps on the other side and a smile appeared on my face as the door slowly opened.

I opened my mouth, wanting to say how glad I was someone finally answered the door, but no words came out as I stood face to face with the resident. The raven haired man, had one eyebrow raised as I stared at him in surprise.  
“Severus? I didn’t know you lived here?” I eventually blurred out. He crossed his arms as he looked at my soaked form from top to bottom.  
“I have an appointment to look at the house here in the neighborhood, that Albus recommend. When all of the sudden it started to pour and I got lost after my map became useless” I admitted, feeling pretty embarrassed about how stupid I must look in his eyes right now.

He rolled his eyes before taking a step to the side and gesturing me to come in. I hesitated for a second, but I still took the offer craving a place to dry up and fixing my appearance before I went to my maybe new home. I nodded towards him and muttered a ‘thank you’ while I passed him. As soon as he closed the door behind me I noticed how narrow and dark the hallway was. I snapped my fingers, feeling comfortable enough to use magic and I felt every piece of clothing drying up. It was his turn to pass me and I silently followed him.

“So where is this house you’re going to view?” He said as we entered his small sitting room.  
“Mill’s End” I said as I took of my thin summer coat. I held it in front of me as I looked around, curious towards every single book that covered the walls. I hadn’t noticed he had been gone until he returned handing me an old looking mug filled with tea.  
“Thank you” I said smiling, accepting the hot liquid. He simply pointed towards a threadbare sofa before he sat down in an old armchair.

I sat down, laying the coat next to me as I wrapped my hands around the mug. Even though it was summer, after being stuck in that downfall, my hands felt really cold.  
“What time do you have to be there?” He asked before sipping his own tea. I looked at my wristwatch that I had turned so the clock part was on the inside of my wrist.  
“I still have like 35 minutes until I have to be there” I said smiling towards him. He nodded before setting down his cup on a side table next to him.  
“It’s only a 5 minute walk from here” He stated and I chuckled at the fact on how close I came on my own.

Still, chances were I wouldn’t have made in time if I had walked around aimlessly in this neighborhood where every house looked like the other.  
“Why didn’t you use a protective charm on your map?” He asked, while it looked like he was studying my every move.  
“I never use magic in the muggle world, only when it’s absolutely necessary. Life or death situations where I’m left with absolutely no other choice. I hardly used any magic when I lived in Japan, just some small spells like drying myself after being caught in a rain storm and even that happened rarely.”

My gaze drifted towards the table Severus had put his cup on and I noticed a familiar book, which made my smile grow bigger.  
“Do you like it?” I said pointing towards it, before taking another sip. He looked towards the book I pointed at and shrugged.  
“It’s interesting” He drawled and I nodded.  
“It really is, I remember not being able to put it down when I first read that book” I responded before finishing my beverage.

We had talked about the book, passing the time until I had to go. I had offered to cook for him as a thank you before I left, he didn’t really accept nor decline that offer. I ended up accepting the house, since it was my last option that was available right away. Plus the owner knew about the wizarding world, since he was a wizard himself, so the payment could easily be handled in wizarding coins instead of me having to figure out to earn enough muggle money to pay rent.

It was a small, neglected house, but it was a roof over my head. After a few days of thoroughly cleaning and decorating, it looked similar to my old home. The walls and floors where not even close to the Japanese architecture, still with my furniture it looked a lot less dark and gloomy. Perhaps in time I would have enough money to buy a house, maybe another or maybe this one and fix it up to however I wanted it. For now this was enough for me. Still I wondered if Albus had planned for me to live close to Severus, if so... to what end? Or had it been purely coincidental that there was an affordable house for me in this part of town. 

* * *

The song I used for this chapter:  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I hope you like how the story is going so far! Keep the kudos going! And don't be afraid to leave your thoughts.


	9. Sharing is Caring

I’d been living in my new home for over two weeks now and it was really feeling more like a home with every passing day. I have spent quite some time discovering Cokeworth and some towns around it. It was nice and peaceful here, maybe even a bit boring considering the places I have seen in my travels. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing though, almost everyone in this neighborhood kept to themselves. So chances were that not many people even knew I moved in here, since the home still looked pretty abandoned from the outside, like most houses here.

I had seen Severus once during this time; I just got back from getting some groceries when I saw him walking around the neighborhood. We had chatted for a little bit, him asking if I got settled in all right, again avoiding my offer to cook for him as a thank you for the other day. Most people would have given up, but I’m not most people. He didn’t answer, which meant he didn’t refuse either. So I was determined to thank him, whether he liked it or not.

The broth I had made this morning was cooling down in a container while I was dancing through my kitchen. I sang along with the Spanish song that was playing on my radio. I always loved to listen to music while cooking, or when I was reading, in the shower or just simply relaxing on the couch. I was gathering all kinds of stuff; my knife kit, two bowls, two sets of chopsticks, a fork (just in case) 2 Japanese soup spoons and of course all the vegetables, extra seasoning, ramen and some chicken thighs. Last minute I decided to not take a risk and take a frying pan, a cooking pot and some other utensils as well, since I had no idea what Severus had in his kitchen.

It was a bit of a risk what I was doing here to be honest, for multiple reasons. One he could not be home right now, two he could slam the door in my face as soon as he sees me carrying all this shit. What I feared most was number three; he hated this dish or my cooking. Still I needed to try at least, he could just like it after all. With a bag slung on each shoulder I stepped outside my house and made my way over to his. It was a beautiful day outside and I just loved the rare sunshine that was pleasantly warming me.

I felt my heart beat rise the closer I got and by the time I reached his door I felt it almost bursting out of my chest. I let out a deep breath and held my head up high before knocking. It felt like forever for Severus to open his door, he looked at me with his usual emotionless expression. He scanned me and raised a brow when he noticed the filled bags I was carrying. I just smiled for a moment, before pushing passed him not saying a thing.   
“What are you doing here?” He asked while I made my way towards his kitchen, which was pretty easy to find since the lay out of his house was similar to mine.

I placed the bags on his small dining table in the kitchen and looked at him and simply shrugged.  
“Since you never responded to my offer for dinner at my place, I thought I bring it to you instead” I simply stated looking around the kitchen, pleased that this looked similar to mine as well. I started to unload the bags, placing them where I needed them. Leaving the bowls and eating utensils in the bag, since I didn’t need them just yet.   
“What gave you the idea that I wanted it at all” He drawled while he crossed him arms in front of his chest.

I had my back towards him as I poured the broth in the pot so it could heat back up and I shrugged once again.  
“You never said no” I said before taking a knife out of my set and started chopping the vegetables. I was glad this was a fast and easy dish, because it felt a little uncomfortable with him staring at me while I was cooking. It still didn’t stop me, as he never asked me too. I cooked the ramen in the broth, so they could soak up some of the flavor while I got the last things ready. I took the two bowls out of the bag and I started filling them in the right order.

I placed the two bowls of ramen on the table and took out the chopsticks and spoons. I sat down and just started eating while Severus still stood in the opening of his kitchen. After a few moments he sat down as well, I looked towards him while he looked at the chopsticks with a raised eyebrow. I had brought two wooden pairs with me, since I guessed he never ate with them before, at home I usually used metal ones. The wooden ones are easier for first timers. I scooted closer to him and showed him how to use it.

Then I started to explain what was in his bowl. Starting with the obvious; the soft boiled egg, marinated pan seared chicken thighs, thinly sliced red bell pepper and some corn. After that; the chopped spring onion, bean sprouts and the wakame. Seaweed I bought at a small oriental I found by pure luck last week. He made a weird face when I told him about the seaweed and I just hoped he was still willing to try it. I had explained how I made the broth from chicken scraps I had left from the other day and seasoned it with miso, a soybean paste I bought from the same store as the wakame.

It took him some time, but eventually he got the hang of it, although a little hesitant towards some ingredients. A small smile was plastered on my face while we both ate in silent. He didn’t complain, nor did he make weird faces, so I slightly assumed he liked it. I lifted my bowl, finishing the last bit of the broth and he followed my lead, which made me laugh on the inside, thinking back to a scene in a Disney movie I saw once.   
“You are one of the few witches I know that cooks without magic” He said while placing down the bowl.  
  
“I like the process of making it, plus it taste so much better when you made it all yourself” I said with a smile.  
“It wasn’t bad. I guess this is something you picked up in Japan?” He asked folding his hands underneath his chin and I nodded.   
“Am I to assume you do the dishes without magic as well?” He asked revealing a small smirk.  
“Oh hell no, I hate those” I said laughing and he took out his wand, making all the dirty dishes floating towards the sink. We had talked about all kinds of cuisine I picked up during my travels and everything I tried; even the ones I hated. He even poured us a drink, although the dishes were finished, making me stay a few more hours.

The rest of the week flew by and I had brought Severus a meal pack when I prepped too much for myself. I delivered it with an elaborate description on how to cook everything and when to add things. I even lent him a bowl and eating utensils, telling him not to hurry to give it back since I have a pretty big collection. An over preparation wasn’t the only reason though; it was another excuse to stall what I was doing now. I had spent every moment of this break avoiding grading the tests the fourth years had made who were interested in my class. Which I kind of regretted right now, since I had just over a week before I was leaving for Hogwarts again.

I had honestly wanted to explore my new home and its surroundings in the first few weeks and the rest of the time I just really needed a break from my teaching job. I had rearranged my small living room and bed room multiple times. Just like I rearranged all my books, first I had them categorized, next they were all in alphabetical order and now they were categorized and in alphabetical order in their categories (And even those were in the right order). Right now there was no delaying anymore since I needed the acceptance letters ready before the students got their class schedule. Which was sent out a week before the teachers returned to school. So I needed to send them to Minerva, who was in charge of that, tomorrow…

My legs where hanging over the back of the couch while my head was over the edge, making the blood flow towards it since I was slightly upside down. I grunted while I looked at a test made by a Hufflepuff student. I missed the grading session with Severus. Not only was it way quicker, but also unlike most people I actually liked his company. It’s not like he is the most talkative person, I mean the other day when I cooked at his house, I did most of the talking. Just for some reason I could focus better with him in the room. It was something about his presence that made want to work harder, wanting to prove myself somehow.

He also helped bring order in my sometimes over chaotic brain. While deeply involved in a discussion with myself, he always knew the right things to say or ask to resolve my dilemmas. I sometimes hated how he just knew the right answers right away after I had been working on that problem for way too long, but right now I wished I had that. This pressure made me work better one time while it could also drive me insane. Right now I feared it was leaning towards the latter.

I was almost at the end of the stack, and some of the answers I had read multiple times not really believing what they had said. I honestly wondered if some students attended a class in the last four years. It made it easier sometimes, considering that they didn’t have enough knowledge so it was an easy cut. I had decided to grade the knowledge part first, so after that I could look them all over and think about if they had the right mindset. After putting this test in the right pile, I sat up straight again wanting to take a sip of my beer.

“This could be interesting” I muttered to myself as I grabbed the last one. It was a Gryffindor student I had heard some things about from Minerva. She had talked about him especially during a Quidditch game day. How intensely driven and competitive he was with the sport and how sometimes it seemed he only cared about that and not his other schoolwork. So I was kind of surprised he would sign up for my class, since it had absolutely nothing do to with Quidditch.   
  
“Let’s see what you got Oliver Wood” I muttered to myself before finishing my beer. He was one of the few students that had answered all the questions about Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts correctly. His knowledge about Potions needs some work though, still he had more than enough answers correct to pass on to the next grading phase. I immediately started the next part of the test starting with his, really curious about the rest of his answers. With some answers I even wondered if this was the same boy Minerva had talked about, because they came across real humble.

With a smile on my face Oliver’s test was the first to end up on the accepted pile and it got me pretty excited to do the rest. I looked up at my clock and noticed that is was almost midnight and I totally forgot to eat; something that seem to be a new standard for me if I was fully involved in my work. I got up, but instead of making myself something to eat, I grabbed another beer and went back to work. I just didn’t want to lose the drive I had right now. Plus I wanted to finish before it became an all-nighter.

That last week flew by just like the rest of the break and a small part of me wished I had just a little more time to myself, while the other part of me was excited to go back. On the day I sent the letters for the students to Minerva, I had gotten a letter from Albus informing me that Professor Humphry had officially retired and I was now the sole Music teacher. It was a bit scary though, since this was the first time I had 3 Martial Magic classes and now a fourth class would add to my full responsibility. I was thankful that one of those three wasn’t the real course, since it was the 6th years from last year that didn’t have to take an exam on this subject this year.

I was making my way towards the Great Hall, feeling a lot more confident and comfortable than last year. I greeted everyone in there with a big smile and was immediately pulled in a conversation about the summer break by Minerva and Filius. In the corner of my eye I noticed Severus arriving as well, a part of me wondering if the meal package I had given him had been good. I let it go for the moment while I stayed in my conversation. I had to admit it was good being back here and having people around me to talk to. Sure I saw Severus a few times, but he was the only one I had really talked to in the last weeks. For the rest of my time I had kept to myself, something I have done for years. This was the first time I genuinely enjoyed the company of multiple people.

We had just a few days left before the students would arrive and I sat in a room I mostly avoided in my first year. The teachers’ lounge. I had decided that it was time to mingle more around my coworkers, while still being careful of course. I was looking over the sheet music Professor Humphry had gathered in the last years and left for me. It wasn’t bad, just a bit boring to be honest. I was glad I had taken my sheet music as well, though it contained mostly muggle music, it brought a lot of diversity to this class. Filius joined me, since some of my students were also part of the Frog Choir and Orchestra that he conducted.

He had been really curious about my collection, since he didn’t know most of it. He had admitted that he thought that my predecessor was headstrong in his music choices and he was pretty enthusiastic about the creative freedom I was trying to give the students. We even talked about a little collaboration between us. Him wanting to join me in my class and me coming to a Choir or Orchestra practice. We had stayed there for quite some time talking about music and our other classes, when I proudly admitted I had everything prepared for Martial Magic and I was pretty excited about this school year.

After a while more teachers had joined us and slowly the conversation changed subject. Mostly about the new students, one in particular.   
A famous one...   
The Boy Who Lived…   
Harry Potter.   
It was clear the expectations from my colleagues where pretty high; most of them expected great things from him. While listening to everyone, all I could think about was how it could affect Severus. Since it’s the son of his childhood tormentor and the girl he loved.

One of those professors proudly told us that he had met the young wizard already in the Leaky Cauldron somewhere in the summer. He had been on a sabbatical last year after teaching Muggle Studies for a while. Now he was back to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, a position I knew Severus had been interested in as well. I felt bad for him that he didn’t get it, although he was so amazingly talented with his Potions.

I hadn’t made up my mind yet about Quirrel though, he was a pretty nervous man with a pretty obvious stutter. I know I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, like most people did with me, still I couldn’t imagine him as someone skilled enough for this subject in comparison with Severus. I had never seen Quirinus in action, but with the way he acted he seemed more of a guy that uses his brain instead of his magic abilities. Still Albus hired him and he must have had a good reason to do so. 

The big day was there and I was once again in front of my floor length mirror. Instead of the big nervous wreck of last year, I was looking at a confident excided Professor. After last year I felt I have earned the title, my class was a success and this year 15 new students had made it. Sure it was a smaller group than last year, but at least I was sure these kids could handle it. I had made the last small braid in my hair and I was gathering every lock to pull up in a high ponytail. I just really loved the way the braids add a little playfulness and edge to the hairdo, inspired by the female Vikings.

After one last check I simply smiled while turning on my heels, ready to go the great hall. Unlike last year, I wasn’t the last to arrive this time. It was Quirrel who sat down on the other side of Severus. I was mostly talking to Filius, who sat on my other side, but in the corner of my eye I noticed Severus in conversation with Quirinus. I couldn’t follow what they were talking about, but I guessed it was about his sabbatical. In the last two weeks, I had barely seen Severus among the others, just like last year, so he probably got the whole story from him like we did in the last two weeks.

Before I knew it, Argus had announced the students had arrived and I was on the edge of my seat. I had my hands folded underneath my chin and I had to do my best not to bounce up and down in my seat. I recognized most of my students from the last year and I greeted them all with a smile. A pair of happy red heads came in, mischief noticeable in their eyes even from the distance and they waved enthusiastically towards me. I chuckled and waved back; I was really curious what they were up to this year.

The hall fell silent as Minerva and the first years entered and my smile just grew bigger seeing those young ones looking around in awe. The sorting ceremony started and with each student applause and cheers followed.   
“Harry Potter” From all across the hall gasps and whispers emerged for a moment, when the young boy nervously walked up to the stool. My mouth dropped a bit seeing the kid and the smile on my face faded a little. The untidy jet-black hair, those glasses, that thin face... He was a spitting image of his father. I felt some nerves coming up, not for me, but for the man on my left side.

How would he deal with a student not only being the son of his enemy, but also resembling him in so many ways? How would this affect him? Having to deal with that in his classes and in the hallways? I couldn’t just ask him that, seeing as he would probably start to wonder how I know all that and would most likely start digging in to whom I really am. Something I wasn’t ready to reveal to anyone yet. I was taking out of my trail of thoughts when the Gryffindor table practically exploded when Harry was sorted.

Of course he had to be placed in the house of his parents, most children followed the path of at least one of their parents. I had been no exception being placed in Slytherin just like my mother and father had in my days. The feast started and I went with the same choices as last year, realizing this just before I started eating. In the corner of my eye I had noticed Severus had stared towards the Gryffindor table for a moment and I knew that there was no way Severus hadn’t noticed the similarities between the young wizard and his father. 

I didn’t take as long as last year to finish my plate; still I didn’t have the appetite to go for seconds. Instead I waited patiently for the desserts to arrive. The enormous smile reappeared on my face seeing that delicious chocolate gateau appear right in front of me once again. I grabbed a big piece once again and I couldn’t wait to dive in. Suddenly a small bowl with a big scoop of chocolate ice cream was pushed my way. It came from the man to my left and even though he didn’t look my way while doing that; I know he knew I was grinning like an idiot.

At the end of the feast Albus held his welcoming speech, announcing the return of Quirinus Quirrel taking the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He also mentioned the retirement of Professor Humphry and that I was taking over his music class. That moment, the silence among the students was broken by two voices that were loudly cheering, my guess it came from the Weasley twins. It made me grin, while Albus ignored it, although it was obvious he had found the reaction entertaining too. He ended his speech with the warnings about staying away from the Forbidden Forest and avoiding the third floor corridor. He led the school in singing the School Song, which still made the hairs on the back of my neck rise on how awful it was.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad song, just badly conducted by our sometimes chaotic Headmaster. I was absolutely sure that if either Filius or me had been in charge of this, it would sound so much better. Albus had sent the students back to their dormitories and slowly the students left the Great Hall taking the noises with them. After a while I rose from my seat, ready to go on some rounds with some of my fellow professors making sure that everyone had returned to their common rooms.

Walking through the dimly lit silent hallways I made my way back towards my dorm. It had been a quiet stroll through the castle, as I came across no wandering students. Which I had heard from Minerva was pretty normal on the first night. Everyone wanted to welcome their new house members to their place in the castle; making sure they where comfortable. On my way to my room, my body yearning for my bed so badly I swear I heard it calling me, I was slightly hoping to bump in to a certain someone.

Although I couldn’t straight up ask Severus how he felt about the whole Harry Potter looking just like James scenario. I could however simply ask how he was doing, since I barely saw him the last few weeks. I had seen him in Albus’s office when he briefed us about what the castle would be guarding this year. I wasn’t part of creating one of the seven rooms; I still was among a few that were informed about more details then other staff members. What was in the last chamber and why it needed the protection it has gotten. My head was exploding by the end of that night, hearing the possibility of Voldemort returning.

It wasn’t just Voldemort I feared and I still thought it was ridiculous how most wizards and witches feared of speaking his name. It was the consequences that came with his return, the possibility that my father getting out of Azkaban was one of those fears. After a sleepless night I had returned to the Headmaster’s office, expressing my feelings. He had responded that he wouldn’t have brought me back, if he couldn’t protect me from that man. It didn’t exactly calm me down, but what other choice did I have? Just before I left his office, he repeated what he said to me last year. To keep my eyes and ears open...

It was still a big mystery to me why he said that to me. What could I be seeing or hearing? Why couldn’t he just tell me what to look out for? That cryptic old bastard was really frustrating me again. I reached the hall of the teachers’ dorms, when I noticed Severus had just arrived at his door, looking my way.   
“Have I thanked you yet for that delicious ice-cream?” I said as I came closer.  
“You have not”   
“Well in that case. Thank you, I really enjoyed it” I answered with a smile.

“How are you?” I asked, nerves slowly filling my body.   
“Fine. Why?” He drawled while turning his back towards his door and facing me fully.   
“No reason. It’s just I’ve barely seen you since we returned, or before that. So I just wondered”   
“I’ve been occupied” He stated and I just nodded, not wanting to pry any further on this matter.  
“Okay then. By the way, how was that ramen package I made you?” I blurted out, even though it was a question I had agreed with myself not to ask. He shrugged.  
“It was okay” I felt the air between us slowly starting to feel awkward and I knew I had to leave him alone before I ruined things.

“Good night Severus” I said smiling, before making my way across the hall.   
“Good night” I heard before a door closed. I had entered my own room and the second I did; my body felt extremely heavy. I got ready for bed as quickly as I could and let myself fall onto the comfy bed. Every inch of my body was thanking me for the rest I granted it, although my mind was still in overdrive. I looked at the ceiling, processing everything that passed my mind today. I had this bad feeling floating inside me, telling me that this year was going to be so different from last year. I couldn’t explain why, it was just a gut feeling I guess. 


	10. A Little Competition Is Good For You

The first week was already over and I was very pleased with how it all went. My first lesson with this year 5th years, was mainly an introduction to this class. With the 6th years I simply summarized what they had learned last year and what they could expect from this following school year. The 7th years had an easy start, mostly talking about their holidays and them showing me if they remembered what I taught them last year. All the nerves I had for being responsible for the music class where gone after that first class.

I had told them to write down what they wanted to do this year on a piece of parchment, before I passed a bowl around where they could put them in. Surely I would have more ideas then I had time to execute since this was only once a week and some ideas would probably take more time than just one class. Still I felt like this was the best way, to make sure everyone felt included and they all had the same odds in getting their ideas chosen. Since I would randomly pull from the bowl.

I haven’t told them yet about the plans I had with Filius since I wanted it to be a surprise for them, when the time was there. I also didn’t mention to my Martial Magic class that I added a new segment to the course. I had noticed last year that the endurance from some of the students was pretty low. Which seriously needed to change since stamina can greatly improve the outcome of a dual. So over the summer I had decided I would add a physical lesson every now and then.

Last minute I thought of something I could involve all three classes in, as introduction to the physical part. All the students were to gather at the Quidditch pitch and there a competition of some sort would be held. I have thought of an obstacle course, to see which year was in the best shape. The average of each class will be taken as final score, since the classes didn’t have the same amount of students. I had already recruited Minerva and Rolanda to judge the whole thing, as I took the students through the course.

There was only one thing left to be decided and that was a price. Hell, I even figured out what music to use during this whole thing. Plus with some help from Minerva and Filius, I now had a radio loud enough to reach every corner of the pitch. So I figured everything out, but I drew a complete blank on what to get for the winners. I was glad I still had some time to figure that out, since I planned this lesson in about 1,5 week.

With my head stuck on the price, I was roaming the halls during my free morning. The closer it got to lunch the busier the halls got. I was greeting multiple students on my walk without destination. I had some small talks with other staff or teachers I came across and a small group of Ravenclaw students told me they were taking the test at the end of this year for my class. Also asking if there was any way to prepare for it, which I told them that there wasn’t really something besides paying attention to their classes as preparation. After that conversation I continued on, only to stop dead in my tracks when I heard someone mentioning my name.

I recognized the voice immediately, just like the one that came right after.  
“She is awesome!” That comment made me smile  
“Rumor has it, she is the first to make Professor Snape laugh since he started teaching here.” Now this was interesting, there were rumors about Severus and me among the students?  
“Plus she always sits next to him, they’ve even been spotted together at Quidditch matches” The first voice added again.  
“So?” A younger unknown voice asked.  
“It’s pretty unusual to see someone so cheerful next to that man”

“Maybe she is crazy?” another young voice asked.  
“According to their stories she must be. They bragged all summer about how they pranked her and she proudly showed it off to the whole school” The former younger voice grunted.  
“She did!” The older ones yelled in unison. I turned around the corner and looked at the back of the twins that were towering over two first year olds. One of them I recognized in an instant. The boy who lived…  
  
The one next to him wasn’t hard to guess, red hair and a freckled face. He looked a lot like his older brothers. Though they were all different, they all shared the same characteristics. The two boys noticed me, but before they could say something I signed them to stay quiet. I walked on my toes, so the heels from my boots wouldn’t make a sound as I closed in on them. I stood directly behind Fred and George while they kept on ranting on about the day they gave me pastel pink cat features.  
“Don’t tell me you’re already poisoning the minds of these first years. It’s only been a week of this year” I said, my hands resting behind my back.

Both of them froze for a moment, before slowly turning their heads towards me. I heard the snickers from Harry and the younger Weasley, while I tried my best to keep the stern look on my face and not let the grin show I’ve been holding in.  
“Professor Hallewel” One of them stammered while the other was looking for his words. I obviously caught them of guard once again.  
“Let me warn you boys. Pull a stunt on me like that again and I will make sure that you’re flaming red locks turn neon pink” I said before looking at their hair for a second.  
  
“Maybe even add some blue dots and stripes, so people can tell you apart” I said grinning mischievously.  
“And believe me when I say, I will not mess up the color palette” I turned towards the two young Gryffindor’s on the bench who were clearly enjoying this. I looked back at Fred and George, trying to find some differences between them for a second, while slowly their signature grins appeared on their faces.  
“Have a nice day boys” I said, before walking away hands behind my back once again.  
  
“See!” I heard them say in unison.  
“We told the truth!” One of them added and all I could do was smile, while I walked around another corner out of hearing range. More students seem to gather as I kept on walking and they all went towards the same direction, the great hall. Lunchtime was here and I simply walked among the horde, feeling satisfied with what just had happened.

Another week past by so damn quickly and I had just a couple days left before my physical competition. I still didn’t have a damn clue about a prize though. I sat on the edge of my couch leaning towards the table; eyes glued on the piece of paper that was on top of it. I had made a simple drawing of the Quidditch Pitch and with a little help of Rolanda I had the measurements of the grounds. With a simple muggle pencil (with an eraser on the end of it) I had marked the starting point and the finish. My notebook lay next to the map with all the obstacles I had come up with written down.

I had designed it so every class had its own obstacle, which meant I was one assistant short. Luckily for me Filius had some free time as well. So now I had to figure out the right order of the obstacles and that damn prize. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and without looking I yelled for the person to come in. The door opened slowly, but I kept my eyes glued to the papers.  
  
“Forgetting the time again?” I heard in a low drawl. Those words made me rip my eyes from the map and look at the clock.  
“Damn I really need to set an alarm, when I decide to work” I muttered as I saw it already passed 8 and I had clearly missed dinner. I heard a small chuckle from the door opening and I saw that he had entered my office and had closed the door.  
“What got you caught up this time?” He asked while he sat down next to me.  
“Well I had noticed last year; that the stamina from some students are pretty bad. So I figured that I needed to add a little extra to the course. I came up with the idea of a small competition to get it started” I said pointing to the map at the end.

He leaned closer and studied the map in silence.  
“I’m about finished with the right order of the obstacles. I’m still stuck on a price though” He leaned back in the couch and scoffed.  
“Candy” He simply stated.  
“Candy?” I asked a little hesitant.  
“Those dunderheads like the sugar rush. They also like free periods” He drawled while he rolled his eyes.  
  
“How will you rank your uneven classes?” He asked, probably assuming that I didn’t think of that yet. I held my head high with a proud smile.  
“I already though of that”  
“Really?” He asked in a tone that confirmed my assumption.  
“Yes really. I will add up all their individual scores and divide them by the number of students per class. The highest average wins. I’ve already recruited Minerva, Rolanda and Filius to do the scoring. Plus I will demonstrate each part, so everyone knows what to do”

“Not scared to be embarrassed if a students does better than you?” I heard in the way he spoke his words he was trying to push some buttons perhaps get a reaction out me.  
“No actually I would be really impressed” I simply shrugged.  
“Perhaps I will reward that student” I whispered, mostly thinking to myself, once again this man had an positive effect on me. How did this man always knew the right things to say to me, so all the pieces scattered in my brain fell perfectly in place?

I turned towards Severus, who looked like he was waiting for me to elaborate on what I just said.  
“The winning class gets a free pass for the first physical class and the student that can beat my time wins a gift certificate for Honeydukes” I said with a big smile on my face.  
“Now was that so hard to figure out?” He said a little taunting.  
“Thank you Severus for helping me sort this out” He reached inside his cloak and threw a wrapped sandwich towards me.  
  
“I could hear you stomach growl at the entrance of the dungeons” I felt my cheeks heat up a little, surely he was exaggerating, still it wasn’t until he said it that I heard the noises coming from my abdomen.  
“Thanks, what would I do without you?” I said smiling and unwrapping the sandwich immediately devouring it.  
“Starve and fail at your job” Although he said it in such a monotone manner, like he always does, I couldn’t help but chuckle.  
  
I quickly covered my mouth, preventing me from spitting out the bite I had in my mouth.  
“I’m afraid you’re right” I said giggling. It was like we were back in Cokeworth, the night I cooked for him. He was so relaxed next to me, making a joke, although I questioned if it was intended to be a joke. Still it felt really good to have him be more himself with me, instead of his usual mask he wore for the rest of the world to see.

Which made me think back on what I heard the twins say the other day. That there were rumors involving Severus and me among the students. Was it really that weird that this man could have friends? Did his rude exterior really scare off everyone? Surely someone had to have tried to get passed that? And if I was the first one to get closer to him in a long time, did I really have such a great impact that the students noticed it? I never heard our colleagues talk about this, not even Dumbledore who seems to know everything about everyone around here.  
  
While swallowing the last bite, I noticed Severus reach in his robe again, which made me wonder what he was showing me next. He pulled out a familiar book, the book I gave him for Christmas last year.  
“Why did you give this to me?” He asked before throwing it on the table. I was a bit startled by this sudden question and action from him. I mean we talked about the book on my first day in Cokeworth and we had seen each other multiple times since then. Why ask me this now, he had plenty of opportunities to drop this question?  
  
I felt his eyes burning on my skin as he waited for me to answer.  
“Don’t you like it?” I asked hesitantly, this sudden situation affecting me more than I would like to admit out loud.  
“I know what you gave to the others, you didn’t just pick something for us. So why did you give **this** to me?” He pointed towards the book on my table before turning his attention towards me. I shifted in my seat, still a little uncomfortable by the sudden mood change around us.  
“Well, it’s no secret you have an interest in the Dark Arts, I happened to read this book myself and thought it was a refreshing look on the subject. One you could appreciate” I said, choosing my every word carefully.

“You actually believe that the use of Dark Magic isn’t always used with dark intentions?” He asked, once again I noticed him studying my every move. What was his angle here? Was he trying to figure out if he knew me? Or was this just plain simple curiosity on why I chose this gift for him and my thoughts on the subject.  
“Well ofcourse using magic like that, you know the outcome won’t be pretty. It’s more like that the reason behind it, that makes you wonder whether this kind of magic should be punished if used in certain circumstances.”

I connected my eyes with his, for the first time since he brought this up. He still sat in the same place, still leaned back on my couch, while I shifted in my seat multiple times already. I took him staying silent as a sign that he was waiting for me to continue so I did.  
“For instance, if it is to save someone innocent from someone evil. Why don’t give the evil one some of his own medicine. Although the debate about what makes someone innocent or evil can go on forever. In some cases it is pretty obvious who wears a certain label. Like discussed in the book, I don’t think the mother deserved to be punished”

“Why is that?” He asked, not breaking eye contact.  
“A mother protecting her young children from getting harmed. Was she supposed to sit quietly while the man that broke into their home, clearly not there for a cup of tea, targeted her sleeping children? You can question if her method of protection was a little extreme. Still I believe she didn’t deserve to get send to Azkaban for it. Even if she used The Killing Curse.” I felt my body relax a little, while in the back of my head I still didn’t understand what he was trying to accomplish here.

“She did what she had to do to save her children, therefore the intention for using this kind of magic isn’t purely evil. People judge too quickly on this subject in my opinion. Just because something is dark doesn’t necessarily mean it’s evil as well. The line between good and evil is very thin. I’m not saying you can kill someone just because he or she is threatening you or your loved ones. It’s a really complicated subject, that needs more attention and a deeper look at the circumstances it is used in.”

“I guess the saying is true. Never judge a book by its cover” He simply stated before picking up the book and looking at it. In that moment I wasn’t sure if he was actually talking about the book or the subject. Or if he was talking about me and the answers I’ve given him.  
“Do you think she was rightfully convicted?” His eyes shot back towards me, clearly not expecting this question from me.  
“Like you said, it’s a really complicated subject” He said before putting the book back in his robe.  
“But to answer your question. No, I don’t think she was rightfully convicted” Somehow those words were satisfying to hear.

I’ve talked to multiple people about this subject, most of them disagreeing saying that the Dark Arts are never to be used and always feared.  
“Well that makes us one of the few that actually think things through. Seeing as most people want nothing to do with this”  
The conversation about this went on for quite some time, both of us forgetting the time completely. Although he brought this subject on so suddenly and totally out of nowhere. In the end I was kind of glad he did.

It’s not like I got to know personal things about him per se, it did give me a pretty good impression of what was going on inside his head. He spoke more words than he did in the last year and I was clinging to every one of them. The further along the conversation went, the less monotone his sentences were. He really seemed to open up about the matter and was truly engaging in this conversation. I just wished deep down inside he would keep this up with me and that this wasn’t a one-time thing. Like him calling me by my first name.

Today was the day, the day of my little competition. I had started preparing before sunrise, to get everything in place. I was standing in an empty Quidditch Pitch, well the stands were empty. Right now the field was filled with everything I had written down on paper. It has been a little challenging to get everything I needed here, but I was really happy with the result. Everything that needed magic was spelled and right now I was testing the activation and deactivation points.

The objects did what they needed to do after I laid my palm on the right spot and it stopped with the same action. Satisfied with how everything worked I made my way towards the drink station. Which was now located right before the first obstacle. I spelled the station as well, to move along with us as we progressed the course. I took a sip of water before unwrapping a sandwich I brought with me. The students will arrive an hour after breakfast and since I didn’t know how much time it would take me to finish all this I brought mine with me.

I was wearing muggle workout clothes; a little loose fitting black yoga pants, a black tank top and an oversized dark grey crop top. For the first time since arriving at Hogwarts I wasn’t wearing my heels in public. I had put on the only pair of sneakers I owned, since this wasn’t exactly the right venue for my high heels. For now I had my dark red hoodie on, since it was still a bit chilly out, but I knew once I started this thing it would be thrown aside.

Minerva, Rolanda and Filius would join as soon as breakfast was over, to discuss the final details. I had let the students know that they were required to bring their wands and to wear something comfortable, something they can move well in for a long period of time. I had warned them that nothing from their school uniform would be suitable for this. I had arranged with Rolanda to have some spare Quidditch training clothing available for those who came in the wrong attire. Since I wanted this completion to be a surprise until the very moment they arrived I couldn’t tell them what they needed to dress for exactly. Although I think some of them are expecting something physical.

As I looked at every obstacle I couldn’t help but smile, I actually did it. Sure I had some help here and there, but when I first thought of this I could have never imagined it to turn out this amazing. I could only hope the students were going to be as enthusiastic as I was right now. This course was full of tricks and they needed to focus if they wanted to complete it. The reason for that was to prepare them to expect the unexpected. I made sure there was no logical rhythm in the movement the objects would make, just to keep things fair for every participant.

“Alyssa, you’ve truly outdone yourself” A smile crept on my face as I heard that familiar voice and I turned towards the voice.  
“Thank you Minerva”  
“I have to agree, after I heard your plans I never expected it to be this big” Rolanda added.  
“I couldn’t have done this without you three” I said smiling.  
“Glad we could help” Filius said as the trio looked over the obstacle course.

I took them across the course, explaining what each obstacle was and showed them which ones where spelled. We returned towards the drink station and I handed them all their clipboards and stopwatches.  
“I’ve created some simple charts for each of you. You can write down their times behind their names underneath the right obstacle. Filius you have the fifth years, Minerva you have the sixth years and Rolanda you have the seventh years and me” I said and all three looked up at me a little confused.

“I’ve come up with a little extra challenge. As I all informed you the class with the best average wins today, but I also wanted to give them more motivation to do their best. The student that can beat my time gets a price as well. The winning class gets a free pass for the first physical class and the student that beats me get a gift certificate for Honeydukes.” I said smiling proud and my three colleagues nodded approvingly.  
“I can’t wait to see how they will do” Rolanda said and the other agreed.  
“Now let’s get this covered up, before the surprise is ruined because some of them are early.”

After casting cloaking spells to hide all the obstacles, we all waited patiently for the students to arrive near the main entrance. We were pulled out of our conversation about speculating which class will do better and which student had the most chance to beat me, when the first students entered the pitch. Curiously looking around, ofcourse not seeing anything but an empty pitch. It didn’t take long for all three classes to be complete and after some of them got a chance to change in some of the spare clothes we had, I took my spot to stand right in front of them.

“Good morning all, I’m pleased to see all of you here. You are probably wondering what we are doing here. Well last year I noticed that your stamina wasn’t where I wanted it to be. Since your stamina can play a big role in whether you win or lose a duel, I decided to add a physical class this year. This class will be once every two weeks and it will be a combined class.” My eyes scanned every student while I spoke and I notices some of them getting pretty excited.  
  
“As you can see, I’m not the only professor here. I’ve asked them here to help me asses you today since this is the first time I will see you in action” I walked closer to them, my hands behind my back.  
“Let’s start with a simple warm up shall we?” I said smiling, and with a simple wave of my hand music flowed throughout the pitch. I started with some simple exercises to get their and my muscles warmed up properly. Some students where a little hesitant at first, but after some encouraging words joined in as enthusiastically as the rest.

Some students were panting slightly after the warm up, which reassured me that what I was planning with these classes was the right call. I guided them to the start of the still invisible obstacle course.  
“I’ve prepared something special for today. Professors if you will assist me in revealing” I said towards the trio and together we broke the cloaking spell. Gasps were heard among the students, some more excited than others.   
  
“As you can see, I’ve created an obstacle course. The first is a tire track; the second one is a wall with some sticks you need to get to the other end. After that you will have to climb over a wall with a rope as only help. Then there are some practice dummies, there you will need your wand to proceed. Next you will get an object that you need to carry with you while you run and last but not least a sprint to the finish” I turned to all of them and I saw their shocked reactions.  
  
“Don’t worry everything will be clear as we go through the course. In between the courses there will be beverages available, to keep you hydrated” I reassured them.  
“During this course you will be timed. Every class had their own obstacle and at the end your scores will determine which class has the best average. The winning class will get a price” I said and slowly excitement took them over.  
“One more thing..” I said before taking of my hoodie.  
“I’m not only showing you how to do each one. The student that beats my time gets something extra. Don’t worry this is my first time doing this track as well” I said grinning and I heard them cheer.

I took them towards the tires and made one final check on my wand leg holster and told them to make sure their wands was secured as well, because if they lost it during the course there would be no way they could finish.  
“One last thing, cheating of any sort will not be tolerated. Sabotaging your competition will result in immediate disqualification. Your magic will only work at the dummy obstacle. Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and Hooch will not only time you, they will also check if you play fair. So will I. Have I made myself clear?” I said strictly, my face straight.

They all nodded and my smile came back.  
“Well then Let’s begin” I said and I laid my hand on the first tire.  
“As you can see, not every tire stays in place. To complete this track, at least one of your feet has to have been in every tire. You cannot finish this if you leave one out. There is no use in studying my every move, the rhythm of the movements does not stay the same.” I made sure my hair was still tight in my high ponytail before making eye contact with Rolanda. She nodded at me as a sign to start.

The first few were easy, even the ones moving from side to side. I miscalculated one that went up, quickly decided to stand in the right place so the tire would fall around me. As I jumped out of the last tire and made it across the line Rolanda scribbled down my time. I turned towards the patiently waiting students with a smile.  
“You’re up!”

I watched them all, trying to see if any of them had a chance of beating my time. Some of them were really fast and since I didn’t knew my own time I had no idea if I was faster than them. Sure I would still be impressed if one of them did it, but I was a Slytherin after all and the pride inside me wanted to win this as badly as them. One of the fifth years caught my eyes especially; Oliver Wood, the way he glided through this first part made me a little nervous.

The first part was done and there were no major injuries. Maybe a little bruising here and there because of some clumsy footwork, but all them were eager to continue. We arrived at the wall and I turned towards the students again.  
“The sticks in this wall will help you get across. Be careful though, hold on to some of these for too long and they can get slippery or disappear. You need to be fast and focused. Fall into the mud in front of it and you’ll have to start over” I walked towards the starting point and made eye contact with Rolanda once again.

I jumped up to get to the highest one I could reach with my hands and started moving almost instantly. I had a few close calls, almost falling in the mud, but I still managed to reach the dry land in one try. A little less than half of the students reached the end clean as well. A grinning Oliver was one of them, now this was the student I remembered from the stories Minerva told me. Determination written all over his face as his competitive side slowly came out.

The third obstacle was a simple one, no moving or disappearing objects. Just a simple high wall with a robe, but because of the simplicity it was one that would be underestimated by many. I had run towards the wall gaining speed before jumping as high as I could, grabbing the robe tightly. There were multiple students struggling with this one, confirming my suspicions. I kept my distance from the other Professors on purpose, as I didn’t want to know if this was a close race or not. It would only get in my head and could even distract me.

Next was the obstacle that needed magic. Here they would face three spelled practice dummies that would attack all at once. To finish this, everyone needed to be taken out or disarmed as fast as possible while dodging or deflecting their attacks. It felt really unnatural for me to take out my wand, but for the sake of showing them how it’s done I had to use it. I was absolutely sure I would have been so much faster without my wand; still I defeated them without even blinking or getting hit. This was the obstacle that least worried me to be bested at.

We only had 2 more obstacles to go and I was very pleased with enthusiasm they still had. Sure some were getting tired, but we still had no major injuries or students unable to continue. The fifth obstacle was running with an object.  
“Okay, you’ve all been doing a really good job so far. We’re almost there! It doesn’t matter how you will carry the bag to the other side, as long as it never touches the ground. If it hits the ground, you’ll have to start over. The bag will get heavier with every step, unfortunately the bag will not restart at its original weight if you have to restart. The weight keeps gaining with every step. Please watch those steps, not every part of the ground is as solid as it looks”

I swung the bag over my shoulder, my fingers tightly around the ends. Even though my feet got stuck in the swamp like parts during the run, I kept pushing my body to maintain the speed; I wanted to lose this bag as quickly as possible. It was interesting to see the difference in some students. Some ran like crazy people, almost dropping the bag in the process and some took a little more time to take the biggest steps they could to get across. Some carried the bags over their shoulder, some carried them in the front.

Before the last part I had told them all to drink, since some of them hadn’t had a sip since they started. The last part was a simple sprint towards the finish. We waited for the judges to have reached that finish and gave us the start sign. Since it was simply running towards the end, there was no reason to let them run one student per class at the same time. We were all lined up and I felt the adrenaline run through my veins. I was determined to cross the finish line first, like everyone else.

I was off to a great start, leaving them all behind me. One got really close though, which only motivated me to push my body even more. He didn’t give up so easily either though and we ended up crossing the line at the same time. I chuckled as I hunched over to catch my breath. I looked to the side and made eye contact with the student.  
“Great job mister Wood! You surely gave it your all” I said before we high fived as we turned around to watch the rest cross the line.

While Minerva, Rolanda and Filius calculated the winners, I decided to mingle among my students. Eager to hear how they experienced this obstacle course. They had all enjoyed it thankfully, even the ones that had some trouble keeping up. After a while I got called over by Minerva, saying that they were ready.  
“The results from the students really made things interesting. It was pretty obvious that different students peaked at each obstacle.” Rolanda started and I bit my lip.

“One stood out more than the others” Minerva added pride written all over her face.  
“Wood, right?” I said with a grin and she simply nodded.  
“Did he beat me?” I asked, curiosity taking over.  
“It was really close, it came down to a difference of 2 seconds” Filius said.  
“Come on stop stalling and just tell me” I said impatiently and they all laughed.  
“He won” Minerva said and I nodded my head, smiling like an idiot.  
“Thanks to him, his year won as well” Minerva added.  
“Let’s announce it then” I said and we all made our way back to the eagerly waiting students.

The students gather around as soon as we stood in front of them.  
“First of all, I wanted to tell you how happy I am with all of your participation today. You really gave it your all and I want to thank you for that.” I applauded for them along with Minerva, Filius and Rolanda.  
“Now the moment you’ve been waiting for. The class that won, won’t have to attend the first class. They get to enjoy a free morning. It was a close call and there was one student that brought them their victory. Congratulations to the fifth years!” A bomb of cheers exploded from that group and my smile grew bigger.

Minerva took out the gift certificate and all eyes were back on us.  
“Professor McGonagall holds a gift certificate for Honeydukes. The price I funded for the student that could beat my time. The student that brought up the average of his class big time made this a really close race.” I spoke as I turned towards the fifth years.  
“It was a difference of 2 seconds” I said and some gasps escaped their lips.  
“I sadly have to inform, that I did not win this today. Congratulations Mister Wood! Come get your price!”

A little shocked at first, he hesitantly came forwards. Minerva handed him his price and I turned towards him.  
“You really earned this” I said smiling.  
“Thank you professor” He said politely before returning back to his classmates.  
“Well students, that’s it for today. Let’s head back for lunch shall we?”


	11. Just Your Average Hallowe'en.. or not?

There have been a few physical lessons so far and everything went well. No complaints so far, some even liked it; one in particular stood out. Seeing as the 5th years won the obstacle run, I was very surprised when a certain Gryffindor student was the first to arrive at the first official class. Mr. Wood had explained he didn’t need a free period and was actually looking forward to another work-out, besides his Quidditch practices. Actually he was the first to arrive at the other times as well, one time he arrived even before me.

I have talked about it with some of the other teachers. Most of them found it very out of the ordinary that a student showed up for a class he didn’t have to attend. Minerva was the only one that was not surprised, having known the boy and his mannerisms a little better since he was in her house. She told that he had always been this driven about the things he likes, until now that mostly was Quidditch, she guessed he must like my class as well.

I really liked this confirmation that I was doing a good job, it just made my pride grow even more. Even though it confirmed once again that the cryptic old man had been right all along, I still wouldn’t admit that out loud. At least not until that same man will finally be straight with me about the reason he wanted me here in the first place. I’m pretty convinced I’m not the only option for this position, hell I believe multiple Professors at this school right now could take over with ease.

Severus might be a little too aggressive in his teaching style, but certainly has the knowledge and skillset. Minerva would be brilliant for this class I’m sure of it. Plus let’s not forget about Filius, he was a Duelling Champion after all. Every one of them would have been a better pick in my eyes, since they all already have experience teaching. Sure I turned out to be somehow good at it, but there was no way he could have known that without even testing me first, right? He just took a chance and got lucky if you ask me.

There had to be another reason why he wanted me here, but I just couldn’t figure out what that was. I had kept my eyes and ears open like he told me to do. I still noticed nothing really out of the ordinary; except for the fact that one of our newest students had been famous since he was an infant and even that excitement had died down a bit. Although it might flare up once the school finds out he is the new Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

The reason that I knew that was because Minerva had told be about the incident where Harry had mounted his broom and caught a Remembrall that belonged to a classmate of his. She was so excited that perhaps this could be the year Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup. She also told me about the plan Oliver wood had to keep him as a secret weapon. It felt nice to be part of that secret, realizing Minerva trusted **me**, a former Slytherin, with information like this.

Although I’m a teacher now and our previous Houses hardly matter especially since I’m not Head of a House, so technically it’s not that weird. However, if you consider how big of a deal Quidditch is at this school among students and faculty. I hardly doubt she told any other teacher about her newest addition to the team. That moment it had sunk in that even though I was mostly trying to befriend someone from my past, I might have actually gained a close friend without even realizing.

Considering I really had only one actual friend in my student days, this concept was a bit new to me. We became friends because we both discovered secrets about another and that created some weird bond that slowly formed into a friendship. Thinking back to all the conversations I had shared with Minerva, I felt a slight guilt creeping in. Since I was never completely honest about whom I was. Which then turned into a little fear I would lose her as a friend if she ever discovers that I had been lying from the start.

I knew keeping all of this a secret was for my own safety, but I was starting to feel the toll of living with it. There only was one person that knew who I was, but it would just be plain weird if I hung out with him all the time. Plus the fact that he probably had better things to do than to listen to me whine about my feelings every time. I have lived with this burden for over a decade now, but it had been so much easier not surrounded and reminded of my past every single day.

Perhaps if I knew what I was doing here besides teaching, I would be able to focus on that. I still don’t know what I’m risking my safety and secret for. It was obvious Albus had some kind of reason for hiring me and it must be part of some kind of plan. He told me everything would be clear to me in time, but I was getting impatient. I had asked him these questions again a few days ago, when he asked me to meet him to discuss how my new physical lessons were going.

Once again I left his office no clearer on the answer and possibly with more questions in my head. I was pretty close at yelling in his face to give me some real answers, but I held it in since it would probably make no difference. Guessing by the interactions I’ve had with the Almighty Dumbledore, chances were I wasn’t the first one to get frustrated with him. Hell it wouldn’t even surprise me if there had been people yelling at him to make some goddamn sense for once.

So after another attempt I was still none the wiser. The biggest part of my mind just wanted to accept that I would figure it all out when it was time. Too bad there was this one curious little voice that wanted to know everything right now. That same voice made me slightly paranoid as well, making me over-think all kinds of scenarios. What if he had this big role for me in his crazy mind that I wasn’t competent enough to fulfill? What if his plans were so dangerous that it could cost me my life? What if I was supposed to take someone’s life at some point? What if he wanted me to face my father who found some miraculous way to escape Azkaban?

Or it could all be something simple; like he wanted me to have a real chance of a normal life, with his protection so I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder all the time. Right now in my over-imaginary brain there were countless options and I didn’t even have a single clue of what direction my life would go in. All I could hope for was that whatever was coming on my path wouldn’t kill me.

A new day had arrived and I couldn’t help but smile realizing what day it was. It was my favorite day of the year; Hallowe’en. Except this time I needed to be a little more subtle, at least around a certain someone. I thought back on how we ended this day last year and wondered if I should do it again. Make it some weird tradition, although I wasn’t sure if he would let me in this year. Although he never complained about me invading his solitude a year ago and he practically did the same thing for me a few months ago. I still wasn’t sure if he would want to repeat it. 

Thankfully I still had a couple of hours to think about that, so I pushed the thought out of my head for now. After taking my time getting ready, I headed towards the Great Hall. The scent of pumpkin filling my nostrils while I once again adored the decorations in the castle. The more I took in, the more excitement filled my body and it was getting hard not to be overly excited on the outside. I greeted everyone I came across in the halls and when I entered the Great Hall.

After wishing everyone a ‘Good morning’ with a smile I sat down next to Severus. Silently filling my plate with breakfast. I had only one class today, so the remaining of the day would be filled with grading homework and preparing lessons. I hoped it would give me enough distraction so I wouldn’t be thinking about my possible plans for tonight. The same dark gloomy vibe from last year surrounded the man on my left.

So during breakfast my inner debate on whether to visit him or not tonight was in full swing. It would be so much easier if that man just spoke up about what he wanted. However, I doubt he would ask me to come over himself. I didn’t even know if he would expect me to come, or that last year was insignificant for him and it didn’t even cross his mind. If I did went to see him tonight it would definitely show that I know something was bothering him on this day and that I was there for him if he wanted me to. It could also annoy him that I was trying to invade his personal space and that would not be good for this fragile friendship we’ve build up.

  
  
I’ve had my class and right now my desk was filled with the received homework. Though the parchments on my desk didn’t get any attention. I had managed to teach without any real distractions, but now that I was alone with that stupid brain of mine, I couldn’t focus on anything. I tried multiple times, but failed every attempt. After a few hours I decided to give it up for today, accepting the fact that I had more work tomorrow.

I went outside on a walk, hoping to clear my head. I ended up at Hagrid’s hut and I talked with him about nearly anything until it was time to join the Hallowe’en feast. We had walked in the Great Hall together. I was laughing at something Hagrid said about how he sometimes failed at making the decorations before we both went our own way taking our usual seats.  
“Is there anyone you haven’t charmed at this school?” a low drawl came from my left.  
“So far you’re the only one fighting it” I whispered with a grin, patiently waiting for the opening of the feast.

The Great Hall was filled with pleasant chatter while everyone enjoyed the extensive spread that lined the tables. After his one sentence directed towards me, Severus had been silently eating not speaking to anyone. I was engaged in a conversation about the day with Filius, while I sometimes looked over, hoping the other man beside me would join in. I had noticed we were one Professor short; Quirrell and I wondered why that was. I was just about to ask Filius if he knew where our missing Professor was, when suddenly the door of the Great Hall flew open.

Sounds of shock filled the Hall as Quirinus was running towards the teacher’s table. I noticed that Albus was rising from his seat.  
“TROLL!!! IN THE DUNGEONS!!” My eyes went big and my mouth dropped hearing those words.  
“Thought you ought to know” He added before passing out in front of the table. Simultaneously with his body hitting the floor the students all panicked and screamed. I sat there frozen trying to process what just happened. I was taking out of my trail of thoughts when Albus starting shooting purple fire crackers out of his wand trying to get silence.

“Prefects!” He rumbled as soon as all the students stared at him.  
“Lead your houses back to the dormitories immediately!” As soon as he spoke his orders, the loud voices of the Prefects guiding their housemates out of the Great Hall and towards their common rooms. Albus turned his attention towards us.  
“Professors follow me to the Dungeons” We all rose and followed the Headmaster, though in the corner of my eye I saw Severus taking a side door.

I wondered for a moment where he went, before addressing my full attention to the task at hand and that was finding the troll that got into the school. Upon reaching the Dungeons we had split into groups to search as quickly as possible for the troll. I was teamed up with Minerva, my wand at the ready, although I could easily defend myself without it. It just gave some sort of security in this situation. In complete silence Minerva and I searched our part of the lower grounds of the castle, while keeping our ears and eyes out for everything out of the ordinary.

After a while there was no sign of the troll in our area, when suddenly a loud noise was heard.  
“Did that sounded like a troll to you too?” I asked Minerva while we looked at each other and she simply nodded. We immediately made our way towards the noise. While on our way we were joined by Severus and Quirinus. The question on where Severus went to came back to my head along with wondering if Quirinus felt okay. I pushed them back since there were more urgent things happening right now.

The four of us went in the Girls Lavatory and I was shocked at the sight. In front of us laid the mountain troll and two young students next to it. Quirinus took one look at the troll, let out a faint whimper and quickly sat down on a toilet, clutching his heart.  
Severus bent over the troll while I kept my position next to Minerva. She was looking at Harry and Ron, fuming; I never had her seen so angry before.  
“What on earth were you thinking of?” She said with cold fury in her voice.

Harry looked at Ron, who was still standing with his wand in the air.  
“You’re lucky you weren’t killed! Why aren’t you in your dormitory?” She asked next. Severus gave Harry a swift, piercing look before turning his attention back to the troll on the floor. Harry now looked towards the floor, clearly not knowing what to say or do in the situation. I was about to speak, when a small voice came out of the shadows.  
“Please Professor McGonagall, they were looking for me” We both turned towards the voice.  
“Miss Granger!” She took a few steps closer after climbing back up from the ground.  
“I went looking for the troll because I.. I thought I could deal with it on my own.. you know, because I’ve read all about them” I noticed Ron lowered his wand, his eyes glued on Hermione.

“If they hadn’t found me, I’d be dead now. Harry stuck his wand up its nose and Ron knocked it out with its own club. They didn’t have time to come and fetch anyone. It was about to finish me off when they arrived”  
“Well… In that case” Minerva spoke looking at all three of them.  
“Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on you own??” Hermione hung her head.  
  
“Miss Granger, five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this. I’m very disappointed in you. If you’re not hurt at all, you’d better get off to Gryffindor Tower. Students are finishing the feast in their houses” And with those words spoken, Hermione left the girl’s bathroom, passing both of us. Minerva snapped her head back towards the two boys.  
“Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points. For sheer dumb luck…. Professor Dumbledore will be informed on this. You may go” The boys seemed a bit relieved and didn’t know how fast they could get out of here.

The four of us were left with the troll, Quirinus finally got up from the toilet and left to go get Albus, along with Minerva. Severus and I stayed behind, making sure the troll stayed down until we could get him out of the castle. Even when it was just the two of us, I couldn’t ask him what I wanted to know. My eyes were glued to the enormous troll lying on the floor, like Hermione I had read all about them. I’ve heard stories about them on my travels, but this was the first time that I actually saw one in real life and it made me rather nervous.

After all that had happened this evening, students caught with the troll, getting rid of it and making sure that everyone was really in their houses; I had finally made up my mind. Even though it was late and it would probably be smarter to try to sleep; somehow I had the feeling that wouldn’t happen right now. I had grabbed a bottle out of my dorm and was on my way towards Severus. A part of me being selfish, not caring if he wanted company or not right now. Because right now I **needed** it.

He had retreated to his dorm around the same time as me. I knocked and I nervously waited for him to open the door. The door opened slightly and I was met with dark eyes staring down at me.  
“Can I please come in?” I asked, softly biting my lip; a part of me afraid of rejection right now.  
“Why?” He drawled, not moving or opening the door any further.  
“I could do with some company right now” I said holding up the bottle in my hand and looking at him with pleading eyes.

I could feel my heart beating against my chest as I waited for his response, hoping he would let me in. Hoping for once he fell for my so-called ‘charms’, like the others usually did. For a moment I thought he was going to throw the door in my face, when he disappeared from my sight. I stood there waiting for a loud bang that never came. The door remained open, I hesitantly pushed the door opening it further. My eyes scanned the dark dorm, with the same lay-out as mine, except his was darker.

I found Severus sitting on the couch and noticed two glasses on the small table in front of him.  
“Close the door” He said without looking over his shoulder. I softly closed the door, nerves kept filling every inch of my body. I wasn’t sure why, the man had let me in. Still this was the first time in his room and all I wanted to do was to explore it. Seeing if there was something here that could unravel some of the mystery that surrounded this man. I placed the bottle on the table, but didn’t sit down. I took a few steps towards the warm fire that was brewing and wrapped my arms around me.

“I still don’t understand how something like this could have happened” I muttered while my eyes where glued to the bright colors in front of me.   
“I mean strange stuff always seem to be happening in this castle..” I tore my eyes away from the fire and looked over my shoulder. Severus was pouring the two glasses and handed one glass to me.  
“But I can’t remember that a threat from outside got in” I looked at the glass that was in my hands. Severus leaned back in his couch and took a sip.  
“Doesn’t it make you wonder how this happened? I mean how could a troll get in here, I’ve been out there so many times and I never came across any sign of trolls on the grounds”

“Dumbledore is going to investigate the incident” He simply stated and I nodded. I walked towards the other end of the couch and let myself fall. I must admit this couch was more comfortable than the one at his house back in Cokeworth. I turned towards Severus, now his eyes where glued towards the flames.  
“And to think three young children faced that thing. That could have turned out so ugly.” I muttered following his gaze towards the flames.

I almost finished my third glass when I turned to him again, not sure how long I’ve been here or what time it was.  
“Where did you go tonight?” The words left my mouth before I could think it through. Severus sat there in silence for a moment, taking his last sip.  
“I needed to check something” He stated and he set the glass down. I opened my mouth, but he interrupted me.  
“You should try to get some sleep, it’s late..” He said, not taking his eyes off of the fireplace.

I nodded and placed the glass next to his and pushed myself off the couch. I was a little disappointed by the fact that he didn’t give me a straight answer, but even more in the fact that I couldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut.  
“Thank you Severus. Goodnight” I said, he muttered a ‘Goodnight’ as well before I left him alone and went back to my own dorm. I did fall asleep pretty easy thanks to the Firewhiskey in my system, but I didn’t sleep peacefully. Nightmare scenarios filled my head, situations filled with blood and death.

Days passed and the fear among the students about what happened on Hallowe’en had slowly faded. Students felt more at ease and slowly new news had hit the hallways. Despite the efforts of Minerva and the whole Gryffindor Quidditch Team, the news of Harry being their new seeker got out. Stories on how he would be glorious and stories that he would fail miserably had been the hottest topics among the students right now. Only increasing more seeing the first Quidditch match of the season, Slytherin versus Gryffindor, was tomorrow.

There had been a tension between Severus and I since that night. In spite of my efforts of trying to pretend nothing had happened. I cursed my damn mouth, and me for once again getting me in trouble. I felt like this friendship kept taking one step forward and two steps backwards. It still didn’t discourage me of pursuing it though. Most people would have certainly given up by now, but I wasn’t ready to accept defeat. Every time this fragile bond hit a bump, I always managed to get it back somehow.

In the course of the passed days I did notice something about Severus, making me even more curious on what he did the night of Hallowe’en. He was limping and even though he probably tried his best to hide it, it seemed like it wasn’t getting any better. At first I thought he could probably take care of it on his own, but as the week went by no sign of improvement came. I wanted to offer my help, but I didn’t want to insult him by bluntly saying something. Still I was a bit worried about him.

I didn’t really have an appetite that evening, barely eating my dinner. Biting my lip in between bites, trying not to blurt out something stupid again. After dinner was over and it was time for the students to retreat to their common rooms, I noticed the limp was still pretty bad as Severus left for his rounds. I went back to my dorm and gathered some supplies I had taken with me from Japan. I went towards the Teacher’s lounge, knowing Severus would pass it on his way back towards the dorms.

I waited for a pretty long time outside, before I finally got a glimpse of the man I was waiting for. I smiled towards him as he came closer.  
“Ah just the person I wanted to see” I said still smiling and in a friendly tone, I opened the door and signed for him to come in. He seemed a bit hesitant at first, but went in any way.  
“What is this about?” He asked while I closed the door.  
“Sit down, please” I said, still maintaining my friendly demeanor. His eyes scanning me as he took a seat. I sat on the table in front of him and kept smiling towards him.  
  
“Show me your leg” I said bluntly and it was like something was about to explode inside the man in front of me. I simply raised my hand before he could speak.  
“I’ve noticed you’ve been limping ever since Hallowe’en, now uncover that leg and let me help you” I spoke calmly.  
“I’m fine” He drawled, his face telling me he was still ready to explode.  
“No you’re not, but that’s okay. I just want to help you” I said still remaining calm.

“Are you accusing me of lying?” He snapped, venom almost dripping from his words.  
“Not specifically. You’re just refusing help” A smile still on my face.  
“I could go to Madam Pomfrey. Maybe you will listen to her” I said getting up from my seat. I was almost at the door when I heard a low grunt.  
“Fine” He muttered and as I turned back towards him he was beginning to roll up his pants. I was relieved that it had been so easy to convince him and I didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

I kneeled down in from of him and placed his foot on my lap. I carefully unwrapped the old bandages; that looked like they needed changing like yesterday and looked at the now uncovered wound  
“So did this happened when you needed to check something?” I asked carefully while I pulled my bag from under the table.  
“That doesn’t concern you” He snapped turning his head away from me. I laid out the vials on the table, along with some bandages. I cut a piece off of the bandages with a simple spell before drenching it with the content of one of the vials.  
“I see” I said softly looking at the wound and placing my free hand on the back of his knee to keep his leg steady.

  
“So this wound wasn’t caused by big teeth hmm? Lets say the teeth of a certain three headed dog named Fluffly” I said looking up while I started dapping the soaked piece of bandage on the wound. At first contact I felt his leg muscles tighten and his head snapped towards me; anger growing in his eyes.  
“You got lucky, he could have bitten it clean off” I said, while I continued cleaning the wound. He pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Blasted thing, how are you supposed to keep your eyes on all three heads” He mutters.

Before I got the chance to answer him, his head shot towards the door.  
“POTTER!” Severus’ face was now twisted with fury as he dropped his robes quickly to hide his leg, making me pull my hands back.  
“I just wondered if I could have my book back” He softly spoke.  
“GET OUT! OUT!” He yelled and the door shut and the sounds of the young boy running away faded quickly.

He started to shift in his seat, clearly wanting to get up. I pushed a finger against his wound out of pure instinct. A low groan escaped his mouth and his fury was now directed at me.  
“Stay.. I am not done yet” I said strictly, my eyes matching my tone. Clearly a bit taken back by my sudden mood change, he let out a breath through his teeth; but stayed seated on the couch. We stared at each other for a moment, before I let out the breath I’ve been keeping in. I pulled his robe away without breaking eye contact, making sure that he knew I was serious.

My face softened and I turned my attention back on cleaning the wound. I opened a second vial and the room was immediately filled with the scent of the different herbs inside it.  
“This will help with the healing” I said calmly not taking my eyes of his wound while I applied the ointment. I heard a scoff coming from Severus and I looked up one eyebrow raised.  
“Got experience with Three Headed dogs now?” He asked accompanied by a barely audible chuckle.  
“I got the recipe for this when I first arrived in Japan. I came across a village where many witches and wizards ended up after being wounded in the nearby forest. I’ve seen wounds much more lethal than yours being cured”

His facial expression softened, almost like an apology.  
“It’s not easy to make, it involves a lot of precise directions and seeing as most of the ingredients don’t grow in this part of the world, that is probably the reason hardly anyone knows about this remedy” I added while finishing up his leg with a fresh layer of bandage. I softly pushed his foot off my lap signing him that I was done. I turned around towards the table, putting the vials back in my bag that weren’t needed now.

I took the two vials I used and held in front of him.  
“This one is a simple herbal disinfectant that works well in combination with the ointment. First, clean you wound, then apply the ointment and cover it with fresh bandages; about three times a day until the wound is fully closed. After that, you only need to apply the ointment until the pain is gone” I explained pushing the vials in his hand.

I got up, took my bag and wanted to turn away.  
“If you run out just come to my dorm and I’ll get you some more. Don’t be stubborn about this Severus. There is no shame in feeling pain after a bite from a creature like that” He simply nodded.  
“Thank you” He said softly and I smiled at him.  
“That’s what friends are for”  
“Friends?” A little confusion on his face.  
  
“Yes Severus. Whether you like it or not, I consider you my friend. Hopefully one day you will realize I’m yours as well” I said, turning away from him. I opened the door, just to close it a few seconds after turning towards him.  
“Oh, by the way. If you decide to check on ‘something’ again. Take me with you, I know how to make that ‘blasted thing’ turn in to a sleeping puppy” I said crossing my arms. Severus raised an eyebrow at me while he got up from the couch.  
“Sometimes ‘charms’ come in handy. Or in my case I was talking with my friend Hagrid, he told me all about his pets” I said before leaving Severus behind in the Teacher’s lounge.


	12. Breaking Point

Today was the day, the first match of the season and the whole school was buzzing. I was in no mood for all that Quidditch frenzy right now though. I had skipped breakfast at the Great Hall and instead had some food delivered to my office. When I had returned to my dorm last night after attending to Severus’ wound, I was pretty hurt and even angry. His reactions had stung me a little. The way he reacted after I said ‘that’s what friends are for’ had hurt me more than I would like to admit out loud. I knew Severus didn’t have many friends in his early life, but still seeing him confused after what I said hit me real deep.

It made me wonder if I’ve been wasting my time ever since I arrived here. After all that time we had spent together, how could he be so surprised I considered him a friend? I actively wanted his company, why on earth did he not understand that it was me showing him friendship. If I just wanted to be coworkers I would have never visited him at his own home to cook for him! I actually felt a little insulted, although not as insulted by his other reactions. He made it very clear in that room that he still didn’t think highly of my skill or knowledge and that just pissed me off.

Sure I didn’t make a great impression in my first two weeks, all the chaos that revolved around me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t a skilled witch! I was a new teacher and in charge of setting up a whole new class from scratch! But I got the hang of it eventually and now the students and other teachers love me! Something that couldn’t be said about him. Sure it was obvious that he was skilled, but he wasn’t very popular due to his attitude, lone wolf posture and teaching style. I’m not saying he is a bad teacher, he still had absolute control over his classes which is pretty impressive and the students learned the essentials of the course.

A few days ago I was still determined of pursuing this friendship, but right now I was asking myself why? After all that time the man still called me by my last name dammit! What the hell is up with that?! He is constantly pushing me away and shutting me out. He simply is frustrating the hell out of me sometimes, why would I want a friend like that? I made plenty of friends since I came here, I didn’t need him!

I hung my head in my hands, elbows resting on my desk. Still I was convinced there was more to the man I had yet to discover. I was still scratching at the outer layer of this complex man and there were still many, many more layers to come. There were these little moments he did reach out and they all crept back into my head. The night of the opening feast he tried to calm my nerves, he came to me on Christmas Eve. He bought me a birthday present after he had discovered on what day it was. On a day of grief, he came and kept me company. We even had a long conversation on my couch after HE came to me.

My fingers got tangled up in my hair and I was ready to pull it. It was all so frustrating and confusing! I had no idea where I stood with this guy, one day he pushed and the other he reached out. Still there was more pushing than reaching..  
I was slowly reaching the edge of my patience with these shifting moods and I needed some time to breathe and think things through.

I was so conflicted on the inside at the moment, it made me retreat to my office. I needed to be alone if I wanted to sort this mess in my head. A game of Quidditch was the complete opposite, even if it had been part of my plan to get Severus to open up to me. I just didn’t want to face him today, not after insulting me like that last night. I was done being ‘Miss nice and always friendly’ for now. I’ve taken enough, it was time for me to bark back. He needed to know he can’t treat everyone like this all the time, there is a time where enough is enough!

I pushed myself up from the chair and took a book that was lying on the desk with me to the couch. I let myself fall on the couch and opened the muggle fantasy book, ready to be completely sucked into another world. I never got close though, seeing I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I sighed and unlocked it with a simple hand wave.  
“Ah finally I found you. Are you ready?” I held a finger in between the pages, marking where I was, before looking up at a cheery and smiling Minerva.  
“Ready for what?”

“The match of course! It’s about to start” I sighed again and pushed myself up, keeping my finger in the book though.  
“Not today Minerva, I’m sorry… but I’m not feeling up for all this Quidditch frenzy right now”  
“Ah come on, it will be fun! The weather is nice and we’ve been talking about the new Gryffindor team for so long” She came towards me and took the book out of my hand.   
“Now let’s get going before we miss the start” Yet another sigh escaped my lips, knowing there was no way she would let me stay and read my book in peace.

I had summoned my coat, scarf and gloves with a charm while we made our way through the school. Seeing as we were on the later side, the stands were pretty crowded already. I immediately noticed Severus and the only two places left next to him. I quickly sat down, making Minerva take the seat in between the Potions Master and me. She greeted him after sitting down and I felt her eyes on me. I kept looking ahead; hoping she wouldn’t start asking questions. It was common knowledge that I always greeted him and sat next to him; not only at the table but also in the stands. I regretted hiding in my office right now, I should had gone somewhere Minerva wouldn’t have found me.

I stuck my hands in my pockets and bounced my legs up and down while waiting patiently for the start and I hoped it would be a quick match. All the noises and enthusiasm surrounding me were only fueling my already agitated state. I was relieved Minerva was right about the fact that we needed to hurry to get here. Both teams entered the Pitch and the whole crowd exploded with noise, making me almost leave that instance. Rolanda spoke to the players quickly before releasing the balls and opening the game. The match turned very rough almost immediately, mostly on Slytherin’s behalf.

I knew that the Team from my former House had always been rougher players, but today it seemed like they upped their usual play even more. Gryffindor managed to score the first goal and that seemed to irritate their opponent. The match froze as the two Seekers went after the Snitch. In the corner of my eye I noticed Minerva got pretty excited when young Potter was close to catching it, but Slytherin Captain Flint rammed into him. I heard a grunt next to me and I guessed she was bottling up some anger at this point. Rolanda gave Gryffindor a penalty shot and they scored again.

Not long after Flint took matters in his own hands again and beat a Bludger towards the Gryffindor Keeper using the bat from his teammate. I had to contain myself a little as I saw Wood fall down to the ground when the Bludger hit him in his stomach. I was genuinely worried about one of my students, but even more I was ashamed. Ashamed of what tricks Slytherin was pulling in their attempt to win.

With the Keeper gone, Slytherin had free range for scoring and they scored their first goal within minutes. Suddenly I felt Minerva’s hand on my arm and she directed my attention towards Harry high up in the sky. It seemed like the young Seeker had lost control of his broom. The longer I looked at him, the more I noticed it wasn’t because of his doing. The broom itself was actively trying to throw him off. I looked to my side for a second when Minerva’s grip got a little tighter and her face was filled with worry. Something else caught my eye though, Severus was in full concentration muttering something.

I leaned in a bit, trying not to push myself against Minerva, as I tried to hear what Severus was muttering exactly. My mouth dropped slightly, yesterday that man had yelled at the young boy with such anger and now he was actively helping him? Suddenly Severus bolted from his seat and was stomping his cloak feverishly. He knocked over some people behind him in the process of putting out the fire that had caught at the bottom of his cloak.

“Are you alright Severus?” Minerva asked, her attention drawn towards the man as well due to his sudden actions. He simply nodded and sat down calmly once the flames were gone. We all turned our heads back towards Harry and he seemed to have the control of his broom again. With everything that had happened to Harry, Slytherin had scored five more goals. Then the young Seeker dove towards the ground, clasping his hand to his mouth as if he was violently sick the instant he landed. His body jolted like he was about to throw up, but instead of vomit it was an object.

Rolanda blew her whistle.  
“Gryffindor WINS!” She yelled loudly and Minerva almost exploded in ecstasy next to me. She even hugged me for a brief moment, which left me no choice but to smile.  
“I knew he was going to be good” She said proudly and I turned my head towards the celebrating team, they joy radiated off of them.

On our way back towards the castle, Minerva kept sharing her pride and happiness about her House Team’s victory. During that conversation my eyes occasionally drifted towards a man that was walking just a little further ahead. It was a strange thing that happened today during the match. The way Harry’s broom acted and how it suddenly stopped after Severus’ cloak caught fire. I excused myself when we entered the castle, saying I really wanted to return to my book before dinner, while in all honesty I was a bit done with all this excitement.

I kept thinking back to the words Severus had muttered and I was convinced Severus was helping. I knew a counter curse when I heard one, the timing was weird though. I couldn’t exactly recall the ones that had been in the stand with us, nor did I really pay attention to whom he had pushed while he was putting the flames out. Was someone behind this? Or did Severus simply complete his counter curse on a malfunctioning broom?

I looked ahead when I heard loud noises and excited chatter. A group of Gryffindors was crossing my path, Harry in the middle of them. Which reminded me of something I wanted to do this morning, but couldn’t since I chose to retreat to my office instead.  
“Ah Mister Potter, good to see you. Can I speak to you for a moment?” I said smiling. The group simply continued on, while Harry walked towards me. In the corner of my eye I noticed two strays, his friend waiting for him just a few feet ahead.  
“First let me congratulate you on your first game and win. It was a rather spectacular catch”   
“Thank you Professor” He stammered nervously.

“I’ve been meaning to check on you. I hope what happened last night didn’t upset you too much?” I asked carefully, referring to Severus screaming at him like a madman. He carefully shook his head, although I wondered if he fully meant it.  
“Tell me Mister Potter, what book did Professor Snape take from you? And why?” The boy looked a bit baffled by my question.  
“Quidditch through the Ages, Professor. I borrowed it from Hermione. He took it because I took it outside with me, which is not allowed for library books.” I nodded as I listened carefully.

“I see. Well I’ll see what I can do about this. For now enjoy the celebration. You’ve more than earned it”   
“Thank you professor!” I walked away and looked over my shoulder when I reached the end of the hallway. All three first years had their eyes glued on me, their expression a little confused. A smile crept on my face while I made my way towards my office. My thoughts lingering on the reason Harry had given me. I knew about the rule, but hardly anyone enforced it with the exception of Irma.

A little voice in my head told me it had to do with the fact that it had been him, just being at the wrong place at the wrong time when he encountered Severus. Whom had probably been a little cranky about his wound, leaving me to assume he took it out on the boy simply because he resembled his father so much. A part of me could understand where Severus came from, but still it was no excuse to take it out on Harry. After all he was just a child, new to the whole magical world with absolutely no idea of the emotions he conjured inside his Potions Professor; for just being who he was.

In all honesty I had no idea what truly was going on in Severus’ head every time he was confronted with his past. Since he refuses to share anything personal with me. I could still fill in some of the blanks and thoughts or even feelings possibly going through him. It’s not that easy to forget the cruelties he had been through at this school at the hands of his tormentors. I just feared he isn’t in control of his emotions when it comes to the 11 year old celebrity. Which was kind of ironic for a man that seemed so in control of them to the outside world.

Before actually going back to my office, I decided to visit a certain someone. I had noticed he didn’t follow the rest of the staff towards the Great Hall, he just like me excused himself. I stood in front of his office, knocked and almost immediately walked in when I heard an answer.  
“You should give Mister Potter his book back”  
“Good day to you too Miss Hallewel” He responded mono-tonal, not looking up from his desk.  
“I’m serious, Severus. Give it back” I said ready to leave again since it was the only reason I even came to him.

I heard a thud and turned around seeing the book on the edge on his desk.  
“Feel free to do it yourself” He drawled and I rolled my eyes, walked over snatched the book from his desk and left. Knowing if I stayed even a second longer I would explode all my thoughts on him and I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me break down over his behavior. I knew myself all too well, I would not be able to control my emotions if I spilled everything now, not while I was still conflicted.

I had been reading peacefully in my office while waiting for the start of dinner, again I wouldn’t be joining the rest of the staff. Though I did want to return the book to Harry tonight and this would be the best opportunity to do that. I had already informed the House Elves to send my diner to my room, while I made my way towards the Great Hall with two books in my hands.

The Great Hall was filled with the students as well as the staff. I saw the empty seat next to Severus and I had to suppress a grin; knowing that seat would remain empty. I walked towards the Gryffindor table, searching for the boy with the untidy jet-black hair and glasses.   
“Mister Potter there you are. Here you go” I said placing the book carefully in front of him.  
“Thanks Professor!” He said flashing me the biggest smile he could give me.   
“Enjoy both your meal and the book” I said giving him a small smile.

I looked back at the teacher’s table for a moment, then turned and left the Great Hall. I guessed my actions would conjure some questions amongst my coworkers and I will be ready to deal with them when they would come, just not tonight. For the rest of the day, I just wanted peace, quiet and simply live in another world. Forgetting everything that’s been plaguing my mind at the moment.

Like I foresaw; Minerva asked me what was going on Monday morning before breakfast. Since I never showed my face on Sunday. I gave her the excuse that I just wasn’t feeling that well and needed some rest. Which wasn’t a complete lie, just not the whole truth. Even though I started to feel I could trust her, I still didn’t feel comfortable enough in our friendship talking about another coworker and my personal relationship with him. If there even was a personal relationship to begin with.

Thankfully she believed me or got the hint that I didn’t want to talk about it in detail. I knew Minerva was a real smart woman and probably noticed more than she gave away. She was Deputy Headmistress for a reason after all. If she did have a suspicion on what was going on with a certain someone and me, I definitely confirmed that after our conversation, as I didn’t take my usual seat next to Severus. Instead I sat where Filius usually sat, kind of forcing him to sit on my spot, Rolanda on my other side.

I could see on almost everyone’s faces that they were slightly surprised with my actions, emphasizing the Almost. Of course there was no reaction whatsoever on his face, like always he kept his face straight and emotionless while he ate his breakfast. Nobody had the nerve to ask me about my sudden seating change, although some obviously wanted to know.

I kept this up for the next few days, I greeted him along with the rest; but not as an individual. I simply acknowledged him whenever our paths crossed outside the Great Hall, but not using words. I stopped reaching out for his company when I knew both of us had a stack of papers to grade. I simply took a break, allowing myself to get my thoughts organized hoping to solve my confliction.

Of course it didn’t work like I wanted to, because my stupid brain went into overdrive with adding even more things. Was he affected by my sudden behavior towards him? If so, how long would it take for him to show it? Would he even show it all? So far he had not reacted at all, he just went on like he always did. Like nothing had changed. Oh how I wished I were skilled enough in Legilimency so I could poke around in his head and find out if he was affected at all. Although if I had the skill, I still probably wouldn’t do it out of respect of privacy.

It was Wednesday night, I had a new book in my hand; seeing as I finished the previous one last weekend. According to my calculations Severus had run out of ointment and he needed a refill if he wanted the wound to fully heal. I didn’t know back then how much I would need of any of the supplies I brought with me, since I didn’t knew the nature of his wound. After learning that, I knew he wouldn’t have enough, hence why I made the offer for him to come get a refill when he ran out.

I had intended to do some work in my office, but then I remembered that I told him to come to my dorm. Although I seriously doubted a man that filled with pride would ever admit, to someone who he didn’t consider an equal that he needed help. Still I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, so here I was reading my book wondering if I would see him on the other side of that door tonight.

I was seated in my armchair, slightly facing the door, my feet on my coffee table. A short stiff knock was heard and that was the moment of truth. It was still possible that perhaps Minerva was concerned and wanted to know the whole truth. Or maybe even Albus, he must have noticed I was acting different and wanted to know what was going on.  
“Come in” I said friendly, never taking my eyes from my book.

I peeked over the edge of my book and I was pleasantly surprised it was the man that should be knocking on my door at this time of night.  
“Ah Severus, what a surprise.” I asked hiding my grin behind the book and keeping my eyes neutral. He stepped inside my dorm and closed the door behind him.  
“Why? You know what I came for” He drawled and folded his hands in front of him. I matched my face with my eyes as before shutting the book in one hand.

“And that is supposed to mean that I can’t be surprised a man with your ego actually came?” I asked raising an eyebrow, before throwing the book on the table not losing eye contact.  
“You make assumptions about me all the time, it’s only fair that I can have some about you as well, right?” I said shrugging, one of his eyebrows rose as well.   
“Excuse me?” He said and I jumped from the chair and went over to the bedroom part of my dorm.

“You’ve made it pretty damn clear how highly… well lowly you think of my skillset” I said kneeling down in front of the trunk at the end of my bed. I placed my hands on certain places so it would unlock. I had cast that spell on the first night here, so I could have a safe place to keep my few true valuables that I had left in. It could not be opened by someone else since I made it so that it would only accept the precise location of every part of my hand. So unless someone has the exact shape of hands as I, it wouldn’t work. I also fortified it that it would reflect any spell back to it caster.

The click was heard and the lid opened.   
“I saw the disbelieve in your eyes last Friday when I showed you this remedy, when I told you that I know how to calm Fluffy” I said while I looked at the vials, looking for the right one.  
“And it wasn’t the first time you seemed to judge my capability, **After** I got used to my new position” After I found the right vial, I looked over my shoulder. Severus still stood in the exact same spot, only now he had crossed his arms.

“Correct me if I’m wrong here. I know how you love to correct me whenever you get the chance” I said, slight attitude creeping in my tone.   
“You see Severus, you can’t judge me until you know everything there is about me. You have absolutely no idea what I’ve been through or the things I’ve seen. How all of that changed me to my very core. How it evolved me to the woman I am today” I said while keeping my eyes locked, closing the lid of the trunk and slowly stood up straight again.

“You’re right” He said softly, surprising me once again.  
“Excuse me, could you repeat that one more time?” I clutched the vial in my hand a little tighter, but careful not to break it.  
“Is the great almighty Severus Snape admitting he was wrong?” I took a few steps towards him.  
“I never said that” I rolled my eyes, of course not and crossed my arms as well.

“However it’s about time you stood up for yourself” My mouth dropped slightly. I scoffed and shook my head.  
“You’re unbelievable Severus” I said walking towards him. I took his hand by force and placed the vial in it.  
“You can’t even apologize for your shit attitude without sounding so goddamn condescending.” I shot him a glare.

“Please return whatever remains. It’s all I have left.” I said turning away from him, back to my chair.   
“I meant what I said that night. But unless the feeling is mutual I’m not interested in it anymore.” I said while picking up my book, my eyes immediately looking at the pages.  
“Goodnight Mister Snape” I said mocking the way he addresses me all the time.  
“Goodnight Miss Hallewel” After that I heard the door close and I closed the book again, throwing it back on the table as well. God, I needed a drink.


	13. Annoyingly Intriguing

**Severus POV**

When Albus had informed us about a new class and the new Professor that would teach it, I surely didn’t expect it to be her. That first day back at the castle when I first encountered her, inexperience just radiated off of her. The look in her eyes when she turned around, she looked like she was a prey about to be eaten by a predator. It wasn’t until Albus had welcomed her back, that I remembered that he had mentioned she was a Hogwarts alumnus, a fellow Slytherin. There was something familiar about her.

I had tried to pick apart every memory and I was sure that no one with that hair color was in my House during my student years. Which meant she must have changed it later on. Another prominent feature of her were those eyes. It wasn’t something you would encounter every day, but I could not place those eyes in my head. I may have not known every single student in my House personally, but I could recognize them by face, most even by name. Then there was the next problem…

Alyssa Hallewel..

I was a 100% sure that I never heard that name before. Apparently we have been in the same House together for 5 years, but still I couldn’t find an image of her in my brain. The main reason I wanted to remember was that I needed to know if she was a potential threat. Someone who knew things about my past and could expose them. I needed to be sure if she was worth my suspicion and if I needed to deal with it accordingly. I needed to know if she could ruin anything that had to do with me being here.

I was convinced Albus wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it either. Though a part of me wasn’t sure if I even knew everything that went on in that man’s head or what he was planning. He had asked me about my first impression of the new Professor, I simply stated she had left none at all. I had even questioned his decision on hiring her for a job like this. He had told me to wait a little longer before making my final judgement about her, saying she was still adjusting to her new environment and position.

When I saw her in her office after a couple days, almost broken down under the pressure. It almost instantly convinced me that she wasn’t a threat. Still I had to keep in mind that people could fake it, just playing innocent while they weren’t. I saw the ideas she had written down, they weren’t bad, but it was evident that she just lacked experience to put it all together. When I got close to her, I saw the true exhaustion written all over her face.

For some reason I thought back on my first days as a Professor and even though I didn’t struggle as hard as she did; I still got help adjusting. So I decided to push her a little in the right direction, she still needed to prove she was up for the task if you asked me. That next day on one of the rounds with Minerva, Harvey and Albus we found her in the music room. Something I still strongly believe was intentional by the old wizard, although I didn’t know for what purpose.

She was completely sucked into her own world. She didn’t even notice us entering the room, which made me see her as even less of a threat. Hearing her sing though, it made me wonder if I should recognize that voice or not. She did have a pleasant sound and she was clearly musically talented. Though she seemed humble about her skills after the others complimented her.

Minerva had offered to help her with lesson plans, something she had done for me as well back in the day and for some reason I had offered my help as well. As the weeks went on, I was sure that this woman was little to no threat at all. Everything she did, the way she responded to certain situations seemed to be genuine. As Albus predicted, she did seem to know what she was doing after all; even if she needed help getting there.

The whole school seemed ecstatic about the new addition to Hogwarts, both staff and students. I didn’t understand what the fuss was about though, she wasn’t that extraordinary. It seemed like the rest of the school faculty was eating out of her hand, every single one of them wrapped around her fingers. I started to wonder if I made a mistake helping her, wondering if I gave her a false impression as she tried the same on me.

Ever since I started teaching here, I had no desire to get close with anyone, there was no need for that. I was here with a purpose and I didn’t need anyone trying to pry in my life. I was perfectly fine on my own. At first I thought she just wanted to be liked by everyone, but her actions actually seemed genuine. Like she actually wanted to know my opinion or actually wanted to know how I was feeling.

However she never pushed past any personal boundaries, always offering and never really demanding. Still the constant attempts to gain my attention were getting on my nerves. Why couldn’t she be like the rest, leaving me be. Why did she keep trying after I had shown no interest in what ever she was trying? Every day and every change she always started with that smile.

My irritation with that woman reached a new high when she suddenly showed up on a night I needed my solitude the most. Thinking I could use company, what on earth gave her that impression after I mostly ignored everyone during the day. Then having the audacity to just take a seat; uninvited. Still for some reason, I couldn’t tell her to leave. She just sat there with me, not even trying to get me to talk. She just sat there, like she was offering a listening ear if I needed one.

This woman confused me at times, not only my own actions, but her actions as well. Like when she clearly wanted my help in understanding a game she didn’t even like. She could have just asked Rolanda for that, but instead she chose me. I did it anyway, but still I couldn’t figure out what the point of this was. Or if there even was a point to her actions.

I still can’t explain why on earth I went looking for her on Christmas. I had seen her that afternoon when she gave me a present. She seemed like herself at first glance, happy and annoyingly cheery. Then I noticed that those emotions weren’t in her eyes, not like usual. When she didn’t show up at the feast that night, I just went to look for her and I still don’t know why or how I even found her. I found her sitting down in the snow, looking up at the sky. Almost nothing left from the woman who always sat next to me. There was a sadness surrounding her and for some reason I felt the need to send her food later that night.

It wasn’t long before she was back to her irritating polite and ever so nice demeanor. I even wondered for a second is she was a true Slytherin. The way she never objected how I treated her was one of my biggest reasons for doubting. She did manage to surprise me a little, when she walked in the Great Hall one day. She walked in proudly after she obviously was a victim of a student prank and surprising me again later that night. Using information on me to ensure I wouldn’t expose what I learned about her. Perhaps there was a Slytherin in her after all.

The rest of the year went by with Alyssa not giving up at her attempts. It happened every day, until suddenly near the end of the year she wasn’t there. No one had seen her that day and I overheard that her classes were canceled, though no one seemed to know why. I had to admit I did enjoy a day of peace, being left alone like before she arrived. When I walked the halls on patrol that night, I heard her sing again and I thought I heard her cry.

When our paths crossed after that, the same sadness that surrounded her on Christmas was back. Only this time feeling darker and more intense, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. She didn’t even try to start a conversation, she smiled and left. Though that smile wasn’t as bright as I had gotten used to. After seeing her walk away, another unexplainable urge rose in me. I ended up offering her the same company she gave me months ago.

The school year had ended and I was finally able to escape all of it. Finally being able to return to the solitude I had grown to crave in all those years. Or so I thought…  
Of course she just had to show up at my house. Of course she happened to find a place to live so close to mine. She had mentioned that Albus was the one who sent her here. I couldn’t understand why though, there were so many other towns for a witch or wizard to live. Why would he send her to this town?

The thought of her possibly being a stalker crossed my mind for a second when she appeared at my house again. She was carrying two full bags and just walked passed me straight towards the kitchen. I was a bit baffled by the nerve of that woman, but at the same time a little intrigued by her actions. Taking a risk by just showing up, no way of knowing how I would react.

I was a bit surprised, if not confused by the dish she decided to prepare, but it was even better than I had expected, it tasted rather good actually. So I didn’t mind that she brought a meal package later on, sadly it didn’t taste the same when I made it even though I followed every step she wrote down. The rest of the break I had all to myself, having the much-needed peace and quiet to prepare myself for the year to come. Albus had informed me about what the school was going to protect and asked me to provide one of the protections.

He also wanted me to be on high alert and warn him immediately if I saw any sign of the Dark Lord or his followers. I was thankful I had some time to mentally prepare myself for everything that would come my way. For the first time since I made the deal with Albus, there were actual signs of my dark past. I also heard the rumors going round about a famous student joining the school and I was not looking forward to that.

Another year started, another year in dealing with insolent dunderheads, but this year a famous one thrown in that bunch as well. It was only after a couple of days Albus had shared his concern about the return of one of the teachers and wanted me to keep an eye on him. To top that up, I had this gnawing feeling a certain colleague would go on with her attempts to get my attention or whatever her intentions are. My head almost exploded just thinking about dealing with all of that.

Of course she had to confront me about the fact I’ve been distant. Of course she had to ask me about that meal package, but I refused to admit it wasn’t a success. I needed her at a distance, I couldn’t risk her seeing or hearing things she wasn’t meant to. Thankfully she was pretty busy working on something new for her class. I was relieved as well that she did not want my help, like she had roped in some of the others.

On Hallowe’en it was obvious she was holding back something during the day. It didn’t surprise me at all that she asked where I went during the Troll incident. It was written on her face ever since we ran towards that girl’s bathroom. She tried to stay off topic, even kept quiet for a while. I was just waiting for her to blurt it out, not that I would tell her anything significant. The less she knew, the better.

I felt her constant eyes on me during that week, and that curious look in her eyes was getting on my nerves as the week continued on. The pain in my leg wasn’t exactly improving my mood either. I had been working on the right potion to help ease the pain and wound, but it needed time. I couldn’t go to Poppy without having to explain what had happened. Then she showed up once again, determined to help.

I knew she could guess where the wound came from, she knew about the things set in place on the third floor. Somehow I allowed it anyway, regretting it as soon as she figured everything out. I did see a different side of her, a stern and serious side. One thing left me a little intrigued though. She never asked why I went to the third floor, she even offered her assistance if I needed to go there again.

She did reveal her intentions that night, for some reason she wanted to be friends. I somehow already was one in her eyes. I wasn’t exactly familiar with that concept, I never really felt like I had one. With the exception of one, but I lost that one. After that I never felt a need to make real ones, why bother if it could only hurt you in the end. I saw in Alyssa’s eyes that I might have hurt her that night.

The next day I didn’t see her until the match and for the first time she didn’t sat next to me. Which was odd for her doing, but it felt like a breath of fresh air for me at the time. Why on earth she wanted me to give a book back to that Dunderhead, I still don’t know. Since when was me confiscating things from students HER business? She showed up at dinner, but never joined, making me wonder what she was up to.

That became clear after another day of her nowhere to be seen. I had to contain myself for a moment as I watched her pathetic attempt to make some kind of point. It was pretty obvious now; I must have hit some nerve. She kept that ridiculous behavior up for the next few days as well. It was pretty clear she was seeking some form of reaction out of me, but in all honesty I welcomed the peace to concentrate on my tasks at hand.

Though I had my doubts about the remedy she provided, it proved to be pretty affective. The wound healed quite nicely and it did help with the pain a lot. I could use a little more and I assumed that little witch knew that when she made the offer of a refill. As soon as I saw her in her room that night, my assumptions were proven through. Not just about the ointment, but also about the one of her sudden distant behavior.

She threw it all in my face that night, even throwing out an ultimatum about that ridiculous friendship she was after. Did I really give her the idea that I wanted something like that as well? When I thought back I had to admit I might have given her some mixed signals. I realized I did visit her sometimes as well and I couldn’t figure out why I did that. I had made my intentions clear when I visited her in her office, I wanted to know why she chose that book as a gift to me.

Was it out of simple curiosity or because I wanted a little peek at her mind? I had noticed in the time I’ve known that woman, she never kept eye contact for long. As though she tried to prevent someone from prying in her brain. She seemed so innocent and untouched by evil on the outside, but it was becoming clearer to me that there might be more to her than was seen on first glance. The fact that I bought her something for her birthday was a simple response of her getting me something on mine.

I went back to focusing on what I needed to do, feeling freer to do so without someone constantly trying to get close to me. I had met with Albus, discussing if I had discovered something about the person I was meant to keep a close eye on. That meeting had ended with him telling me I needed to be careful who I kept close and who I kept at a distance. Saying we weren’t the only ones keeping eyes and ears open.

Something told me he was hinting towards a certain woman, it must have been obvious to more people that her behavior towards me had changed. From that moment on I noticed things about her, how often she was around. I caught her watching sometimes when she was conversing with others. She did seem pretty determined about wanting to know how the troll got into the school on Hallowe’en.

Could it be possible that she was still trying to figure that out? And what consequences could that have if she did? As time went on though, she showed no sign of her discovering something. Which eased my mind a little, that she wasn’t going to be another problem on my already full plate. I overheard a conversation the other day, Minerva and Filius talked about wanting to give her something back for Christmas. I had noticed they slightly leaned their conversation towards me, as to ask me to join; I never replied. I simply walked away.

Alyssa made it pretty clear to all of us that those gifts she gave us were a ‘thank you’ for the help we provided her and she didn’t expect something in return. So why would they want to do that? They even got Albus into the mix as well, but didn’t seem to have the courage to directly ask me if I wanted to join in. Which kind of saved me from having to figure out an excuse as to why I wasn’t interested.

After a while, more times than I liked to admit, her laughter caught my attention, a sound that used to be so close, now far away. It was almost as melodic as her singing. The warmth radiating from her when she asked someone how they were doing. The way her eyes seemed to try and take in as many details around her. I didn’t know why those things caught my attention lately, but I refuse to admit that I missed it.

Why would I? Those actions had annoyed me for the past year. The always friendly and nice attitude got on my nerves multiple times. So there was no way I would want that back. There had to be another reason, a more logical one. Maybe it was simply because of what Albus mentioned at our last meeting. That this was simply the outcome of me trying to figure out if I needed to keep a close eye on her.

It was Christmas Eve already and as if the holiday season wasn’t dreadful enough the woman, that became more of a mystery with each passing day, had to add something new. She had apparently been rehearsing something with the few remaining students of her music class. As the group of students performed a couple of songs, using only their voice, the look on her face couldn’t be prouder. Her smile was so bright as she softly swayed to the melodies.

Everyone seemed to enjoy it actually and I was pretty relieved the songs weren’t the typical glee ones. During the meal though, it seemed like something was occupying her mind. She still smiled and talked, but it seemed like it wasn’t as cheery as usual. When the Great Hall was nearly empty, I was ready to leave as well. Then Minerva, Filius and Albus stopped Alyssa from leaving.

“We know that you gave us gifts last year to thank us and you didn’t expected something in return” Minerva said.  
“But we couldn’t help ourselves” Filius added smiling while Albus handed over a simple box. Alyssa seemed baffled for a moment, clearly not expecting it all. She carefully opened the box and it revealed a snow globe, with a piano in the center.  
“It’s beautiful” She said as she shook it, looking at the falling snowflakes.

“It gets better” Albus said winking and she looked up at them.  
“It changes with the season” He said smiling and from a distance I could see a glisten in her eyes.  
“Thank you, though you didn’t have to” She said, flashing a bright smile once again. I had seen enough and I left the Great Hall. I could just feel eyes burning on my back, I could only guess who they belonged to.

I had returned to my dorm, letting myself fall on the couch as soon as I was close enough. I closed my eyes, in an attempt to clear my head. Why did it matter to me what that woman did, after I finally got her to keep her distance from me like the rest. I pinched the bridge of my nose, while I tried to think of a logical explanation, but none came to mind. I opened my eyes after a while and the first thing that caught my eye was the vial with the remaining ointment.

I had totally forgotten to give that back to her, even though she was pretty clear about the fact that she wanted that back. With a grunt I got up from the couch and grabbed the vial on the way out. I knocked on her door and waited, but no response. I sighed as it made me realize she probably went to her office, a place she had been spending most of her time lately.

While walking towards her office, the words Albus said rang in my head again. He had been talking about her and if I wanted to prevent her from finding out things she wasn’t supposed to know; I needed to keep her just a little closer. It was better if she thought she was getting closer to answers if those answers came from me. That way I could steer her away from the actual truth. That must be why she came to my attention so often lately.

It wasn’t because of me missing it, it was my subconscious trying to make me realize what the best way was to protect everything Albus and I had build up. I knew she wouldn’t just easily accept for things to go back as they were. She made it pretty clear she wasn’t interested unless the feeling was mutual. So here I was swallowing my pride as I knocked on her office door.


	14. An Interesting Holiday

_My eyes were glued on the snow globe on my desk. I watched every little snowflake fall on top of the miniature piano, it was absolutely gorgeous. I had originally planned to work out some music for my students, but the gift in front of me was distracting me from all that. I had my hands on my desk and my head on top of them while I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I heard a knock on my door and absentmindedly told whoever it was to come in. I pushed myself up slowly when the door opened, before tearing my eyes away from the object in front of me. My mouth dropped slightly, seeing who had entered my office right now._  
_“Severus…”_

~

The way the confrontation ended with Severus in my dorm was hardly a surprise. Had I hoped for a different outcome? Hell Yes! Still.. I wasn’t shocked with how it went. There was a part of me that regretted the way I handled this, the other part said it was about time I did. The ball was in his court now and all I could do was wait and see what he would do. There was no way I was going to beg, I am no beggar. He needed to make the first step towards me now and show me he really wants this.

Although he kept his distance, it did come to my attention that he was keeping an eye on me. Which I might have took a little advantage of. Since I knew his schedule pretty well, I might have appeared a little more than usual near where he would be. You know what they say.. Absence makes the heart go fonder.. Perhaps he was realizing that what I had done for him was genuine and maybe, just maybe he actually missed having me around. Who knows…  
This time it was his turn and the first step was his to make.

The Holidays were just around the corner and there was a pit forming in my stomach; knowing I couldn’t visit her this year. So I needed something to distract myself and get me through the days. It was the last day before the break and my Music Class had just finished.  
“Well that was it for today. For those who go home for the Holidays; Enjoy!” I said and the students started to gather their things.  
“I would like a word with the ones who are staying at the school during the break” I said smiling as I watched the others leave. I was left with 5 students, 1 girl and 4 boys, all different Houses and ages.

“I was wondering about something. I know you would like to rest during break and hang out with friends who also stay behind, but I’d like to know if you would like it if I continued with this class for you guys?” The five students looked at me with interest and it made me smile.  
“Perhaps we could even rehearse a song you can perform on Christmas Eve or something?” I said leaning back against my small desk.  
“But we only have singers left” The Hufflepuff girl said softly and a little hesitantly.  
“Have any of you ever heard of Acapella?”

I had asked them to think of songs they liked or they would like to try out and then I would take care of the sheet music for them. It made me happy to see their enthusiasm, since they all wanted to meet up the next day. During that first meet-up I just wanted to see what we were going to work with. Figuring out their vocal ranges and what kind of sounds they could produce. They slightly took my breath away, I knew I had talented students in this class, but damn they were good. I’ve heard them sing before with others when we were making music, but this was the first time listening to just their voices.

They came with some classic songs and I loved their choices. They surprised me once again with how much time they wanted to spend on this. Not that I was complaining though, this was the perfect distraction for me right now. It was a struggle sometimes, but damn was it worth it seeing how much they enjoyed exploring this side of their talent. The fact that they requested so much time felt so good, they even asked if I didn’t mind spending so much time on them.

There was something I loved the most though, even though they were from different ages and Houses. When they were together, singing, it didn’t seem to matter at all to them and that made me so happy. The Slytherin boy who enjoyed singing with the Hufflepuff Muggleborn girl had to be the best. Whenever they were in the room, prejudice about where they came from or in what House they were in disappeared in an instant. A part of me hoped they would keep this up for the rest of their school years, setting an example for the rest of the school.

At first I was a bit scared we might have set our goals a little too high, but somehow they pulled it off. It was Christmas Eve and to say they were excited was an understatement. We had a last rehearsal of the little set they were to perform before dinner tonight. We had settled on three songs: Little Drummer Boy, Mary Did You Know and Hallelujah. We agreed to meet up back at the classroom a few minutes before it was time, so we could arrive together in the Great Hall.

While walking towards the Great Hall, I saw the first signs of nervousness among them. So I stopped them just outside.  
“Listen, what you all have accomplished over the last couple days is beyond what I could hope for. I knew I had talented kids in my class, but you blew me away. I’m so proud of you, you got this!” I said with a warm reassuring smile and they all nodded, seeing the confidence they had all week coming back.

The students that were left and all the attending teachers and staff all turned their heads towards us when we entered as a group just before dinner was served. We stopped in the middle of the teachers table and the ones for the students.  
“Dear colleagues and students. For the past couple days I had the pleasure to work with these 5 talented students and they’ve prepared a little something for you tonight. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I will.”

I gave them some space and stood at the edge of the teachers table hands folded in front of me. They looked at me for a moment and I nodded towards them that they should start. I heard those first notes and all I could do was smile, it also didn’t take long for me to softly sway along with the melody. I glanced around every now and then and everyone seemed to enjoy it, making my smile even bigger if that was even possible.

The applause those 5 kids got was so loud and the looks on their faces were priceless. They had received a standing ovation and it they absolutely deserved it. We took our places at the tables and the food appeared.  
“That was absolutely beautiful Alyssa. Great job!” Someone said next to me and I smiled at him.  
“It was all them Filius, I simply provided them with an opportunity” I said, a quick glance towards the group who were scattered among their friends.  
“Still, you helped bring it out of them and from what I understand in your own time” I chuckled.  
“I honestly never thought they would be this excited. I love music and the fact that I could share that with them was just amazing”

Conversations went on for the remainder of the meal and I tried to engage in as much of them but still my mind lingered back to where I went last year. It stung knowing it wasn't an option to go there tomorrow. I was relieved that the 5 students wanted to work on some other songs for the rest of the break, so I still had a little distraction. I did gave them the next two days off though, since I wanted them to enjoy Christmas with their friends. So I still had to figure out how I was going to keep my mind occupied.

I knew I wouldn’t need two full days to find some sheet music for them. Although I could always make some music of my own, seeing as I would have the music room all for myself. I feared it wouldn’t be enough. The Great Hall was slowly getting empty with the exception of some staff and teachers. I was getting ready to leave and I saw that a certain black haired man was as well. He hadn’t said a single word to me ever since that night in my room and I was beginning to accept that it maybe was time to give up on this ridiculous fantasy of mine to befriend him at last.

“Alyssa” I turned and saw Albus, Filius and Minerva standing there all smiling towards me and the way they stood there next to each other made me a little nervous somehow.  
“We know that you gave us gifts last year as a thank you and you didn’t expected something in return” Minerva spoke first.  
“But we couldn’t help ourselves” Filius added, his smile growing as Albus handed me a simple box. My mouth dropped for a minute, this was indeed something I had not expected at all. I carefully opened the box and it revealed a snow globe; a piano in the center and I was mesmerized by it.

“It’s beautiful” I said while I shook it, seeing the snowflakes fall.  
“It gets better” Albus said and I looked up and he winked at me.  
“It changes with the season” He said flashing me a bright smile and I could feel tears of joy forming in my eyes.  
“Thank you, though you didn’t have to” I said smiling brightly at them. I noticed Severus getting up from his seat at last, leaving the Great Hall.

“Nonsense, you gave us such great gifts last year; we had to do something in return” Minerva said smiling. I stayed behind a little longer, talking to them for a little bit more, before going to my office. A place I’ve spent a lot of time lately, being my escape and best place to work. I had taken the snow globe out of the box the second I sat down on my chair, shaking it before setting it down on the desk.

My eyes were glued on the snow globe on my desk. I watched every little snowflake fall on top of the miniature piano, it was absolutely gorgeous. I had originally planned to work out some music for my students, but the gift in front of me was distracting me from all that. I had my hands on my desk and my head on top of them while I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I heard a knock on my door and absentmindedly told whoever it was to come in. I pushed myself up slowly when the door opened, before tearing my eyes away from the object in front of me. My mouth dropped slightly, seeing who had entered my office right now.  
“Severus…”

I straightened my back, holding my head high while he closed the door behind him.  
“Didn’t expect you tonight. Is there something you need?” I asked, with little to no emotion in my voice as I carefully pushed the snow globe aside.  
“I came to return something” He said as he took something from the inside pocket of his robe. I took the vial he was handing me and simply nodded.  
“Took you long enough, you almost had me believing you’ve used it all” I said, avoiding eye contact for the moment as I placed it next to the snow globe.

“Anything else?” I said coldly while I grabbed a pile of sheet music out one of my drawers.  
“I may be able to help you with replenishing your stock” Those words made me look up from the papers in front of me and I raised an eyebrow.  
“If you have a list of ingredients for me, I can see what I can do” His face never changed, keeping the calm and emotionless demeanor. While I was wondering where this sudden offer of help came from. The guy didn’t seem to mind at all that our contact was zero and now here he was out of nowhere with this offer.

I kept my eyes connected with his while I grabbed a piece of parchment and my quill. Hoping maybe to see something that could help me figure out what his intentions are. It took me like a minute to write everything down.  
“Here you go” I said keeping the cold tone in my voice before handing him the list.  
“I’ll keep you posted” He said quickly glancing at the parchment.  
“Goodnight Miss Hallewel”  
“Goodnight” I responded before he closed the door.

My eyes stayed on the door for a moment, a frown forming on my face.  
“Well that was odd” I muttered softly to myself and sighed. What is he up to? There had to be a reason for this sudden change in his behavior. Right now I was trying to think of something, but honestly I couldn’t think of anything really. It did make me a little curious on what was going to happen when or if he managed to get all the ingredients needed. I guess only time will tell. One thing I knew for sure, I won’t give in so easily this time and it will take some time before I was going to treat him the way I did before.

The first two days I had some company from Minerva in between the meals and sorting out sheet music. She was even interested in what I was doing with my students after what she saw on Christmas Eve. She didn’t know any song I laid out, they were all Muggle artists so I wasn’t that surprised she didn’t know them. Honestly I was just happy to have some company during my mother’s favorite Holiday. It eased with the loneliness I felt every year since her death.

The days after that were filled with practice sessions and me preparing my lessons for when the rest of the students returned, and the New Year celebrations of course. The five kids I saw daily really enjoyed the time we spent together and what we did. We even came up with the idea of an unannounced performance on the last day of the break, when everyone was back. It wasn’t even my idea honestly, it was theirs and I absolutely loved it. It would be one song, but it was different from the ones they performed on Christmas Eve. It was a song the Hufflepuff girl suggested and I had to dive into my sheet music archive to find a copy.

I had gathered so much sheet music along my travels, I even forgot I had some. This particular song was from an American female rapper, whom I didn’t particularly like, but collecting these things became a hobby while on the road. Wanting to create a big archive of music from all around the world. Whether I liked the artist or not, I simply wanted it to further expand my collection. Thank god for magic and its ability to shrink, or else transportation of my collection would have been a real pain in the ass.

While in Japan I had them all categorized into bins in an alphabetical order and added some color tags to assign them to a music genre. I had simply moved it that way to my new home in Cokeworth and took them with me to school this year. The bins were so full I still needed the assistance of magic to keep them in a convenient size or else I had needed multiple bins for some letters and it would take up so much space. I had stored them in the music classroom and have been taking some bins to my office sometimes to look them over.

It was moments like this that I was grateful that I had this crazy hobby, so I could provide them with a tool to help them rehearse this song. I must admit the surprise look on that girl's face when I pulled out the sheet music was pretty amusing, she probably didn’t expect a teacher to own something like that. This style of music was a bit of a challenge to translate to Acapella, but damn these kids were determined to make it work. The song was full of sounds and beats not made by actual instruments, so it was definitely a little more difficult and not to mention the tempo is higher than the Christmas songs.

With every passing practice session they improved and once again they blew my mind with their commitment to this and of course the pace in which they improved. It made me wish there was enough time to keep doing this and forming more groups with other kids and explore their talents more closely. Sadly the schedules of the students were packed enough as it is, plus mine is getting more packed as time passed. Gaining more responsibilities around the school (doing evening checks and so forth) and my own subject expending to better the result of this course, plus the pressure to get my first class ready for their N.E.W.T.’s next year.

“Great work all of you! I can’t believe how much you achieved in just a few days. You are going to kill it tomorrow!” I said applauding them with a humongous smile on my face.  
“Now when the rest of the school returns tomorrow and the dinner is about to begin, I will give you a signal, that is your que to start and turn that place upside down. Dance across the tables and really have fun!” The five students were beyond excited about how the last rehearsal went and about performing tomorrow.  
“Just one more thing..” I said gaining their attention while they were packing up their stuff.  
“If you end the song near the teacher’s table, I can add a little extra to really spice it up” I said grinning and they all nodded, though curiosity filled their eyes.  
“Just focus on performing and I will handle the rest”

The students left the music room and I was gathering the last things, cleaning up a little so the room was ready for when the normal classes would proceed. I had my back towards the door when I heard someone enter.  
“I should have known you were here” I could just tell the person was smiling.  
“They wanted just one more round before everything went back to normal” I said turning towards Minerva.  
“Be careful now, before you know it.. Other students want something like this too and will take up all your free time” She said a little teasing which just made me laugh.  
  
“Severus was looking for you earlier. Surprised me honestly that he couldn’t guess you would either be here or in your office” Those words made me freeze for a little moment. I hadn’t heard from him since the night he suddenly showed up at my office and now he was publicly looking for me? Seriously what was going on inside that guy’s brain?  
“Oh was he now?” I asked, while I continued to put away the attributes used in the last few hours.  
“What is going on between you two?” Minerva said bluntly.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I answered quickly while keeping my eyes on the sheet music bins.  
“It’s obvious something must have happened. You don’t sit next to him anymore, something you did since the day you started here. You two barely talk anymore. It’s becoming more and more evident for others as well”

I turned my head towards her and shrugged.  
“Nothing is going on actually. I’ve just been busy that’s all. And since when is it anyone’s business who I sit next to?” I said keeping calm and neutral, hoping she wouldn’t see through every lie I just told her.  
“Just wondering that’s all” She said smiling.  
“He is in his classroom” She added before leaving me alone. I just stood there not moving a single muscle. So everyone started to notice a change between the Potion Master and I, a development I wasn’t particularly happy about.

It felt like I was a student all over again and every move I made was being watched by someone. On the other hand.. what do I care what they think about me? I didn’t need to justify my actions to them, I was an adult and as long I was doing my job I didn’t need to explain my actions to anyone. Nor is it their business to comment on that. I closed the bin I had opened to put away the sheet music and sighed. I guess this will always be happening thanks to the curious nature of humans and their needs to control situations they don’t have control over.

I grabbed my robe and sighed once more, realizing I should probably go to the Potions Classroom if I wanted to figure out what was going on with its Master. I restated in my head that I wasn’t going to get sucked in so easily as I did in the beginning. This time I had to be stronger and make sure this was a mutual thing. I was done wasting my time for nothing in return. Was I still interested in a friendship with this man? Well yes, but only if he wanted one as well, if that wasn’t the case well too bad.

I had put on my robe before stepping out of the classroom, flowing behind me as it was still open, while I made my way towards the dungeons. I took my time, I felt no rush, if it was some kind of emergency he should have found me himself. I may have taken a longer route then I normally would, it wasn’t like we had agreed on a certain time. I didn’t even know he wanted to see me until Minerva came to me a few minutes ago. The fact that he openly expressed he was looking for me to someone, I wasn’t sure if more people knew besides Minerva, was still surprising to me.

Which made me go back to my presumption that he was up to something. Judging the way he acted for a longer period to now suddenly visiting and looking for me, it just didn’t make sense. What changed? Did I miss something? Was it something I did, that he happened to notice? Or did something change for him? I walked even slower now, hating myself for letting this take over my head once again. I had been doing so well lately and now all of it was back. What was it with this guy that made me so willing to spend all my time and energy on achieving something that wasn’t even sure if it was achievable. Once again I felt like student ‘me’, wanting nothing more than his attention but too chicken to ask for it.

There was one big difference though, I had grown a lot since then. I wasn’t afraid to speak up for myself anymore, especially if it was in my best interest. I didn’t pretend to be someone I’m not just to please my father, although I still kept some things to myself. I had arrived at my destination and I let out one last soft sigh before knocking. I folded my hands behind my back after entering the classroom. Severus sat behind his desks and put his quill down as soon as he looked up and saw me.  
“Miss Hallewel” He spoke in his usual tone.  
“Minerva said you were looking for me?” I asked not moving an inch closer.

“Ah yes” He said remaining seated behind his desks folding his hands underneath his head.  
“I have managed to collect everything from your list” He said nodding towards the large table near his desk where all the ingredients were spread out. A little taken back by this news I walked towards it and my scanned every item on the table. Indeed everything that was needed for the ointment was there, surprising me because I knew some of them weren’t available in this region.

“I didn’t expect you to be so quick or that you would be able to get everything” I said still looking at everything.  
“I was even considering going back to Japan this summer to I could stock up on some items” I added softly, saying it more to myself than him honestly.  
“Benefits of being a Potions Master” Severus said and I looked at him, his posture or facial expression hasn’t changed, nor his tone.  
“Well, thank you very much. What do I owe you? I know some of these things aren’t cheap” He simply shook his head.  
“Don’t worry about it” He said and once again my head started flooding with questions about his behavior. I wasn’t even aware of staring at him until he scraped his throat.  
“Once again thank you” I said, trying to regain my intended strong posture, but once again this guy managed to throw me off guard. I wasn’t even sure what to do or say next honestly, I was so confused about this whole situation.

“I was wondering if you are willing to show me how to make it?” Those words just plain shocked me. **He** wanted **My** help?  
“Why?” Was all I could get out of my mouth, while confusion was slowly taken over my whole body and face.  
“It would be a great addition to my collection and you mentioned is was a precise procedure, one you are familiar with” He added, still not moving almost making me want to scream what the hell was going on in that head of his.  
“Uh.. Yeah.. Sure. It is a long process though. It will easily take up hours and there are preparations to be made” I added carefully, although everything was confusing the hell out of me. Curiosity was stronger and it wanted to know just what he was up to, something I could only figure out if I did this.

“No problem” He responded.  
“When will suit you?” He added and I thought for a moment.  
“I prepared everything for the start of the term. So I have my schedule for Sunday free” And he simply nodded.  
“What are the preparations” He asked finally removing the hands from underneath his head, grabbing a piece of parchment and his quill again ready to take notes. I turned towards the table and gathered some herbs.  
“These need to be frozen” I said laying them to the side in a small pile, while inspecting the rest and mentally reading the recipe in my mind. I grabbed another ingredient and went to turn towards his desk when I noticed Severus was right there next to me.

“Keep these away from direct light sources, it deteriorates their quality and effectiveness enormously” I said locking my eyes with his, hoping I could find some sort of indication of what was going on in there. He took it out of my hand and nodded. He wrote something down and immediately stashed it away.  
“Anything else?” He asked calmly and I shook my head.  
“The rest of the preparations need to be done on Sunday” He nodded and walked back towards his desk.  
“Bring the purified water and Hibiscus and come to me, 4 o’clock in the morning” I said curious about his reaction.

He raised his eyebrow for a moment and looked at me, probably trying to determine if I was serious or not.  
“And hope for a clear sky, it will make the process a lot easier” I added and he nodded, acknowledging that I was serious.  
“Anything else?” I asked this time and he simply shook his head and I took that as my sign that I could leave. Once outside I stopped after a few steps, looking over my shoulder towards his classroom door. Like usual I left with even more questions than answers. There was one thing I was certain of though…  
Sunday was going to be extremely interesting.

* * *

Link for the Songs in this chapter:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
Another update! I just wanna say, I love Pentatonix and they were an inspiration for this moment I created in the story.
> 
> I hope you all still like the story!
> 
> I'm sorry these aren't more frequently.  
I recently started with a new education and I'm trying to write whenever I have the energy!
> 
> I also wanted to let you know, I changed the links to the songs in previous chapters, so they appear like they do in this one. So it's easier to listen to them, if you want to (The chapters that had songs were 2 and 8)


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